Reflections on a Blowbang
October 10, 2008
After my recent experience with a 10-guy blowbang/bukkake party, I have a much greater appreciation for the talents of some porn stars now. Do you have any idea how hard it is to suck ten cocks in succession, while using your hands to jerk off two others simultaneously, especially after your face has been covered in cum and you can’t see shit? I suppose it is one thing to do that with three guys, but to have the cocks you’re playing with continuously recycle for almost an hour…it gets a bit overwhelming. When I was finished, my neck and jaw were sore. Maybe it is one of those things where practice makes perfect? 
Anyway, as I mentioned a few weeks ago, some members of a local sex club asked me to be the center in a blowbang. We negotiated the rates, and after having the guys go through two rounds of STD testing, I agreed to entertain them for up to an hour – they could each have as many pops as they could achieve during that time, and they could cum anywhere they wanted. It seemed to be a pretty active club, with well over a hundred people (singles and couples) as members; they just wanted some “fresh” talent to play with. I got ready and headed off for the club, arriving right on time, and went in. I was introduced to everyone and we spent a few minutes checking everyone’s identification (to compare against the test results). When that was out of the way we discussed the game plan and the rules of engagement, then got ready for the festivities.
One of the guys asked if I would take my hair down instead of leaving it pulled back – he thought I looked “a lot hotter” that way. I knew that’d make for more time in the shower afterward, but that’s what my clients wanted, so that’s what they would get. I went into the bathroom and took it down and brushed it out, then removed all of my clothes and walked out into the room they’d set up for the party. There was a nice wide cushion in the middle of the room, so I walked straight to it, knelt down and said, “Bring it on.” The guys began taking off their clothes and getting themselves hard. Most of them already had standing erections when they pulled their pants off.
The sex itself started off pretty slowly, actually. I had to convince the guys they weren’t going to break me. “Haven’t you guys seen this kind of stuff in porn before?” I laughed. They seemed almost hesitant to use me, as if they were trying to be gentle because they were paying me, or because I was new, or something. It wasn’t doing anything for me at all, though. And while my role as a paid professional was to satisfy them, I booked this event just as much for me as anything else. And, well, I wanted some…entertainment out of it myself.
“Fuck me like you mean it. Grab my hair if you need to.” They still didn’t get it, so I had to pull my mouth off this one guy’s gorgeous cock, “Look guys, I want you to fuck my face. Use my mouth like you would my cunt. Just grab my hair and fuck me. If it gets to be too much I’ll let you know, I promise. I’ll slap you on the leg.” Finally, someone took the initiative and went to work. He grabbed my hair and force fed me his cock, causing me to gag a bit – I hadn’t had one in my throat yet, so it hadn’t quite relaxed. I got over that soon enough, though, and began giving the kind of hands-free blowjobs I consider my specialty. That allowed me to use my free hands to jerk off the guys standing to either side of me. As each guy would come up, he’d grab my head and guide his cock into me, letting go of it once he’d entered my mouth. I tried to maintain eye contact with the guy fucking my face at any given moment, but with all of the movement and whatnot going on around me that proved to be more difficult than you might imagine.
Each man waited his turn, with his cock in his hand keeping himself hard. One by one, they’d penetrate me and begin thrusting. I’d take them in my mouth and swallow them down to their balls and then mouth fuck them until they were ready to let the next guy in. Within about ten minutes one guy was ready cum. He pushed the guy whose cock I had in my mouth out of the way and unloaded what seemed like gallons of semen on my face – he must’ve been saving all week for this.
The cum started running down the bridge of my nose and slid off in a long stringy white thread. That always tickles, so I had to reach up and wipe the cum off the tip of my nose. I just twirled it it around my finger and stuck it in my mouth, then pulled it out to allow a cock to replace the finger. One after the other the cocks kept coming. I will say that I have never felt sluttier in my life, having one random cock after another push into my mouth, my throat, with my lips and tongue wrapping around them. It was pretty surreal at the time, being surrounded by that many people – that many cocks - all just waiting for their opportunity to use my mouth. It was at this point that it occurred to me that professional porn stars’ talents are perhaps underrated to a degree.
The guy in my mouth pulled out and announced he was going to cum. I just looked up at him and that sent him over the edge. He shot another huge load at me and since my face was turned up a bit, one of the volleys went right up my left nostril and my head jerked back. Fuck, that hurt. If you’ve ever had soda burp up into your nose, you have some idea what this felt like. His second shot landed in a big dollop right in my left eye, which happened to be open at the time. He apologized, and I had to stop for a second to blow the cum out of my nose and clean my eye out.
Fortunately, since this was to be a bukkake party as well, I hadn’t worn my contacts. I knew I’d likely be getting cum in my eyes, and semen and contacts don’t mix very well at all. So I really couldn’t see terribly clearly from the get go. I considered wearing my glasses, but I knew they’d be covered in cum, too, and I still wouldn’t be able to see shit, so why even bother. Even with your eyes closed some of that cum will leak into your eyes if you even barely take the pressure off your eyelids; there’s no way to keep your eyes closed that tightly for any long period of time, especially when you have to concentrate on so many other things. Cum stings but the pain goes away after a couple of minutes so I’d prepared myself to just deal with it and move on.
Semen blasts out of a cock at about 30 miles per hour in some cases. And sometimes it just oozes out. That’s so sad when you’re trying to plaster someone’s face I’d have to imagine. The specific strength behind how much pressure you get apparently has something to do with how aroused you are, how long you’ve been aroused, how long it has been since your last ejaculation, and so forth, and based on that it would appear that several of these guys had been saving up.
Being hit between the eyes with a strong spurt of cum at that speed is an interesting feeling, especially if you don’t see it coming. It is not unlike being shot in the face with a water gun, actually. I could always get a sense of when someone was about to unload on me because the guy whose cock I had in my mouth would withdraw and nothing would replace it. I could hear someone approach me and could tell he was jerking himself off. So I just sat there with my eyes closed each time waiting for the stream to hit my face; I didn’t even squench my face up any longer.
I have become so enamored at having someone cum on my face that I now have little “baby orgasms” each time someone does it. It’s more of a little tingling in my crotch, I guess, than anything like a serious orgasm. But it is noticeable and it feels good. The only thing I can attribute this to is the way in which I was introduced to the facial – it was so slutty now that I look back on it - I guess I just have a psychological predilection toward seeing it as a dirty thing to do. And, of course, that gets me off.
I’ve made comments before about the sounds involved during sex, and this was another one of those situations where I had to rely on my ears to gain some sense what was going on. I’m not even sure how you’d describe to someone the sounds you hear from a room full of men jerking themselves off, grunting and groaning as they build up and release. Those that have applied lube to their cocks have this sort of squishy sound going on, and I can hear my slurping on the cock I have in my mouth at any given moment. As it fucks deeper into my mouth and then withdraws it kind of creates a vacuum on the way out. I have to open my mouth just a bit to equalize the pressure and that, too, causes a sound.
I even find myself subconsciously grunting and growling when I’m being face fucked. I know in a lot of porn movies when the girls are being throat fucked they make these silly noises that just drive me batty, and I thought to myself, “Gosh, I hope I don’t sound that ridiculous.” I even tried to suppress it for the short period of time that I could focus on it. And then you factor in everyone’s breathing – especially the heavier breathing as someone approachs an orgasm. It all generates a cacophony that you really never even hear in a porno because of all of that ridiculous moaning and yapping and all the other shit they overlay on the soundtrack.
You also don’t notice the differences in taste of the guys’ cocks after a few minutes. Your mouth doesn’t really go numb, but it becomes so overloaded with the taste of cock, the taste of the cum that has leaked into your mouth from your face, the mucus from the back of your throat, the perspiration (the room was warm), the taste of the lube and so forth that it all just meshes into an unidentifiable concoction with an almost amorphous, salty-sweet-bitter taste.
One guy got a bit upset because I took my hand away from his cock to masturbate myself at one point. I guess as he saw it they were paying for me to service them, not pleasure myself. But I needed to cum. Desperately. I can generally make myself have an orgasm if I squeeze my legs together, but kneeling down as I was with my legs kind of spread out inhibits that, so I needed my hand touching my clit to pull that trigger. I think that is the first time I’ve had an orgasm with a guy’s cock in my throat. My body was contorting as the waves of ecstasy pulsed through me and I was making these guttural sounds that had to be vibrating this man’s cock to one degree or another. It must’ve been a unique feeling for him as well because he came nearly simultaneously, shooting his load into the back of my mouth as I moved up and down on him. I swallowed all of it without missing a beat, while I was having my own orgasm.
I hope he wasn’t upset by the fact that he came in my mouth rather than on my face. It is not easy to close your throat and continue going down on a guy’s cock while it is cumming, not losing a drop and keeping yourself from choking on all of that cum. I’ll usually try to hold the cum in my mouth until a guy’s done and then swallow it all in one load. If I leave my throat open the spurts will hit the back of it, and even with my throat relaxed, those shots will still trigger my gag reflex, causing me to choke up and interrupting the flow of things (no pun intended). Add to that the fact that my body was still recovering from the orgasm I’d just given myself and I think you can get a sense of how difficult this was. Normally, I breathe through my mouth heavily when I am cumming and this time I had to keep it tightly closed around this cock thrusting in and out of my face. I was quite proud of the fact that I’d managed to do all of this, actually.
One after the other the guys unloaded on me, mostly my face, but one guy had a fascination with my boobs, so he released himself on those. There always seems to be one guy in the crowd with a thing for tits. I’d occasionally reach up and try to wipe the cum out of my eyes and away from my nostrils, and would lick whatever was on my fingers off to the delight of the men in the room. Like I said, the room was relatively warm. Otherwise, I’d have been cold with all of that liquid running down my body.
As we progressed, I know at least a couple of the men managed to get off second shots. Quite honestly I completely lost track of how many loads I took, but once you’re covered in that much cum it really doesn’t matter any longer. I just kept sucking until the last man acquiesced and they called it a wrap. Everyone was very complimentary of my talents and techniques – no one was left…unsatisfied.
When it was finally over, I slowly got up onto my feet – my knees were cramping from having to support my weight for the past hour or so. I toweled myself off to keep from tracking cum through the building and had to have someone guide me to the shower. I hopped in and began washing off. My hair was a soggy mess – I actually wish I’d had a photo of what I looked like before I’d gotten in. The entire front of my body was covered in gooey, runny semen. It took me a good forty five minutes to get myself cleaned up. When I was finished, I collected my money and my things and went home…to take another shower!
I know it sounds cliché to say it, and I suspect many people won’t believe it, but I felt incredibly empowered to be able to let go like that and not only enjoy it for myself, but to provide others with a good time as well. It was challenging, and personally empowering. I’d certainly never remotely suggest that my comfort with it (or the act itself) would empower other women, or empower women in general. I’ve always enjoyed the stimulation overload I get from some sexual encounters, however, and this one was an exponential increase over anything I’d experienced before, including my one other experience with having multiple guys cum on me. In that case I was pretty much passive. Here, I was actively engaged and enticing the guys to ejaculate onto me. So all in all I was quite pleased with my performance.
Probably the only thing that was missing from the experience for me was dirty talk. It would’ve made for a hotter experience for me if the guys had been saying something other than the grunts, moans and the occasional “I’m cumming.” Even a “Suck my cock, bitch” would’ve been nice if for no other reason than to break the sound monotony. I know that some of my clients enjoy the dirty talk during our sessions as well and it just seems to make the whole experience that much more intense.
I won’t lie, though, I felt like a porn star, and I was getting off on it. I’ve always thought I could easily do porn; I love sex and I’m a bit of an exhibitionist (you pretty much have to be to be a stripper). I don’t mind fucking someone in front of an audience, either. Several times as a teenager I had sex with a boyfriend or girlfriend in the same room as one or more couples who were also fucking each other. We’d rent hotel rooms or spend some party time in the guest house my parents had on our property in Nashville. I know we’d stop and watch the other couples from time to time and I’d see them watching me as I was fucking. It never occurred to me to be embarrassed about it.
Doing porn would memorialize my sex work, though. Twenty years from now, people would still be able to see me fucking and it would be definitive proof of what I had done, though it’d be vintage porn at that point.
I don’t have a problem with that in and of itself, but as you all know, with today’s ridiculous double standards and this incessant need to demonize someone who has the audacity to publicly admit they are sexual creatures, many employers would balk at hiring a porn star. Some would go so far as to fire someone who’d been in porn before once they found out about it. I think that is asinine, of course, but I recognize it as a reality that must be dealt with. Therefore, no porn for me. With my escort work, there’s plausible denial - at least, so long as I don’t end up getting arrested and having a record. But I do often wonder what kind of success I’d have in the porn industry. I’d need some more practice, though. 
Alexa’s Update # 12
October 8, 2008
Hey, folks.
Please forgive the relative dearth of posts lately. There’s this little thing called school that is kicking my ass. I can see now why they want you taking half the course load you do in undergrad in graduate school. *So* much reading, writing, and project work. Wow. Fortunately, the subject matter is near and dear to my heart, so the reading is something I can concentrate on and actually learn from it, unlike a lot of the shit I had to read in undergrad.
Anyway, I can’t promise that things will get hot and heavy here any time soon. In addition to school, my clients are keeping me quite busy. One of my clients took me to hear the San Francisco Symphony the other day, knowing of my fondness for orchestral concerts. They played a lot of Bernstein music, and it was an afternoon concert. So I got all dolled up, we went to the concert, went back to his place and fucked, then went out to eat at a nice restaurant, and went back and fucked some more. A very nice date indeed.
Another client thanked me recently for improving his marriage and his sex life with his wife, as odd as that sounds. Apparently he’s been married for over 20 years to a woman who grew up in rather conservative conditions and they’ve pretty much had good old vanilla sex for all these years. No anal, no CIM, no spanking, no…not much of anything other than some basic oral followed by missionary and doggy sex. He came to me so that he could “experiment” and “play” and enjoy sex once again. Anyway, somehow this has drastically improved his sex life with his wife and they’ve become a lot closer emotionally. I’ve also taught him a few things to try on her in bed, so maybe that helped a bit.
One of my clients is taking me to see the big air show this weekend, assuming the weather cooperates. The Blue Angels are scheduled to perform. They’ll do, I guess. My dad was in the Air Force, so I have a personal predilection for the Thunderbirds. Either way, the pilots doing those maneuvers at such an incredible speed is just an awesome spectacle to watch. I am very much looking forward to it.
I had a guy contact me about entertaining him and his girfriend for a threesome. It would’ve been my first professional threesome. As a part of my screening process I always spend time talking or e-mailing with clients before I agree to see them, just to get an idea of how the chemistry might work and whatnot. After talking or writing with someone for a while, you get a sense of who they really are, and I have the luxury of being able to pick and choose clients that way.
Anyway, after I talked with this guy for a bit, I just came to the conclusion that he is just not the kind of client I want to see. I really can’t put my finger on it, but it has always been my personal policy to not see anyone I don’t connect with. So I explained that I just didn’t have a warm and fuzzy feeling with it, and politely explained that I couldn’t see him. He asked me to reconsider a couple of times, but I still declined.
A few minutes later, his girlfriend sent me an e-mail asking me to reconsider. He’d shown my photos to her and she apparently *really* liked my look, so she was disappointed that I was turning them down. She sent me the e-mail from her work account, so I began a conversation with her. And during that conversation I could tell that she really likes women - she once dated a woman for over a year.
So, I’ve been talking with her over the past few days and am working on getting her to see me without him. Our conversations have been very sexual and very sensual. She’s been with another woman and is very in touch with her own sexuality, so allowing her mind to work from my words is a lot of fun. They’ve been together for a year, though, and she’s pretty adamant at this point about not playing without him. But she really enjoys the sensuality of another woman, so I am going to see how far I can take it. She’s also a photographer and loves to shoot female nudes. Should be interesting, no? Maybe I’ll pose for her. I’d love to go in for a simple nude shoot and start masturbating for her as she begins taking the photographs, looking at her through her camera lens. I’ll let you guys know what happens, if indeed anything comes of it.
I am working on two posts of interest. One is the post I’ve been promising on the 10-man blowbang I was involved with a few weeks ago. This post will not really be an erotic writing about the encounter in the same spirit as what you’re used to seeing from me, but rather a reflection on how I felt and what I experienced as all of those men fucked my face and ejaculated on me.
The second one is a piece about the use of dirty words in the bedroom and in other places. I love talking dirty (even when I am not in bed, as most of my friends would quickly confirm for you), and the use of naughty language both in bed and as a prelude to what goes on in bed is just another one of those things that has always held considerable eroticism for me. So I hope you’ll enjoy my take on that as well.
I also will be putting a quick, diary-type entry that chronicles my seduction of another girl a couple of years ago. She was the 18-year old sister of a friend, and was just way too irresistible for me to ignore. It took all of a week, and was my quickest seduction of another female (prior to my moving to SF). I’m leaving the writing just as I put it down originally, though I’ll clean up the formatting a bit. I originally wrote it as it was happening in short spurts (diary style) and had intended to go back and flesh it out as a full story, but just never got around to it. There’s also the story about my experience with two sorority girls at the Christiana Hilton Hotel near Wilmington, Delaware, that needs to be put up for your entertainment. Your favorite little whore has had quite a range of experiences with women.
What else is going on?
Not much really. Like I said, school is keeping me busy. I’ve also been watching the debates on TV, and keeping up with the Twitter traffic about the candidates. Some of that stuff is just funny as hell. And I have to say, for the life of me I don’t see how ANYONE can rationally explain a decision to vote for that old condescending fuck McCain and his little Barbie VP partner. Good grief, if I have to hear her utter the word “maverick” one more fucking time, I’ll scratch my own eyeballs out. Having said that, Tina Fey’s impression of her just makes me laugh my ass off.
We’re under a fire weather watch (or something like that) here in the Bay Area tomorrow evening through Saturday. It is getting that time of year where the (real) fire season is upon the state. I’ve switched hurricanes for conflagrations and earthquakes! w00t!
Anyway, stay tuned for the upcoming posts. I know I’ve slowed down a bit, but I’m sure you guys don’t want me failing my classes. Do you? 
I Love…
September 30, 2008
I love being a sexual creature - enjoying my sexuality on my terms, fuck what anyone else on this planet has to say about it.
I love hearing someone whisper “god damn” under their breath when I take my clothes off in front of them.
I love the look in a guy’s eyes when he sees me looking up at him with my lips wrapped around the head of his cock.
I love the feeling of a cock penetrating my throat.
I love feeling the pulsations and contractions of a rock hard cock as the guy ejaculates what seems like gallons and gallons of cum into my mouth.
I love the ease with which I am able to seduce other women.
I love the taste of a woman’s cunt.
I love the slightly pungent scent of someone’s asshole as I take a deep breath when I am getting ready to rim them.
I love the little grunt or moan that every single woman I’ve been with has let out when the tip of my tongue touches her clit for the first time.
I love the challenge of trying to make another woman cum.
I love the sensation of that spasm just as a man’s cock pushes into my asshole.
I love having my hair pulled, hard, when being fucked in a doggy position.
I love the sound of someone whispering dirty thoughts into my ear, fucking my imagination as they fuck my body.
I love being able to drop to my knees and become a submissive little whore at the click of a finger.
I love being able to stand up and become a dominant bitch at the crack of a whip.
I love the squishy sounds of a guy as he jerks his cock right in front of me, and then his grunts as he cums.
I love the sight of a cock two inches from my eyes just before it explodes all over my face.
I love having a man tell me to bend over his knees so he can spank me for being naughty.
I love the sound and the sting of an open, bare hand slapping my ass.
I love having my nipples bitten and pulled, hard, as a prelude to penetration.
I love being pushed down on the bed and grudge fucked from behind.
I love having my limits tested during a sexual encounter.
I love that my orgasms last for as long as a minute in some cases.
I love being told that I just gave someone the strongest orgasm they’ve ever had.
I love when someone I am fucking just lets go verbally during an orgasm, male or female.
I love being told that I am the best fuck someone has ever had, whether it was paid for with cash or not.
I love being told that someone appreciates the fact that they can call me a slut in the bedroom without feeling guilty about it.
I love being told that I should get paid to fuck people for a living by someone who doesn’t know what I do professionally.
I love being comfortable fucking someone and getting paid for it.
I love being able to fuck someone once and never seeing them again if I don’t want to.
I love knowing that I don’t base my sense of self worth solely on my sexual esteem, my self esteem, or my perception of my physical attributes.
I love enjoying…sex.
And I love the fact that many of you are either hard, or wet, from reading this.
Flying the Friendly Skies
September 26, 2008
For as long as I can remember, I have always had this effect on people, of both sexes. It is like a sexual magnetism that attracts me to others and to specific situations that most other people probably sense or maybe even recognize, but rarely do anything about (mostly due to a lack of self confidence). I knew this even when I was a young teenager. Even then, though, I understood the power inherent in that capability and sought to control it lest it get out of hand.
As I gained more confidence in myself and began to understand the dynamic that exists between two humans with respect to sexual chemistry and how it plays out, typically and atypically, I began to utilize this power for my own personal enjoyment. I still do, obviously, and am now using it to earn a living. I’ve never been one to be “shy” about expressing myself sexually. That scares some people (and by that I mean those who know nothing about me personally and are afraid of expressions of human sexuality in general, especially female sexuality), but for others it can be an open door into their own sexual exploration.
My GF and I went to Arizona over the Thanksgiving holiday a couple of years ago to visit her mom and step dad. The Wednesday evening flight had an interesting twist to it. Before I tell you about it, keep in mind that my GF and I had had an open relationship since we became an “official” couple in 2005, so long as anyone we played with was female (up until the point where I started sex work, of course). There’s a long story behind this, and maybe I’ll share it one day. But for the time being, you need to know that to understand how this could have unfolded as it did without any issues between us.
Nikki and I flew from home (Fort Lauderdale) to Tucson, AZ, by way of Atlanta that Wednesday evening. We sat in the aisle and middle seats in row 15. An hour or so into the flight, I happened to glance over at the people sitting across from us, and noticed the girl in the middle of the other side looking at a book with a page containing a photo of a topless woman and a heading of “pony play.” I thought, “Damn, that’s weird.” A few minutes later, I glanced back (trying not to be obvious!) and she was on another page that had headings of “Bukkake” and “Feet.” Now my curiosity was piqued. This girl appeared to be about 18 and was looking at something that appeared to be about porn, and she was reading it out in the open with another younger girl next to her on one side, and someone I assumed to be her mother on the other side.
So here I was pretending to read my book and trying to keep my eyes on her book to see if I could figure out what she was looking at. She finally moved it to where I could see the title of it: “The Big Book of Porn.” I was like, WTF? She’s reading this in front of other people on an airplane. *I* wouldn’t have the guts to do that, even if I did know the other people around me. Anyway, I thought, well, let’s play with this a little bit and see where it leads us. So I stared at her for a minute until she saw me looking at her. She saw me and acted like nothing was out of the ordinary! I’m like, this is very…different.
She finally got up to go to the bathroom, so I followed her back. I waited until she came out and she was startled that I was there. I asked her if her book was any good. She just grinned and said it was for a class assignment. I told her I would never have the guts to read it out in front of my mother and sister (my assumption of who the two around her was). She laughed and said the other girl was her younger sister, and she had no clue who the other woman was! So she was reading this book with all of these porno pictures in it right next to this older woman (who, incidentally, never batted an eye as best I can tell). Anyway, we chatted for a minute, and as it turns out she’s reading it for a theater class at the University of Georgia (the book is about porn movies)! So, I tell her that I want to take a look at it when she gets done with it (we’re on a three and a half hour flight) – that I want to see what it says about lesbian porn. She got the most curious look on her face – almost as if she was embarrassed, but not really. One of those “Oh, really?” looks I guess you’d say.
So, when I get back to my seat from the bathroom, she has changed seats to the aisle and hands me the book. I cruise through it for a few minutes and find a handful of references to lesbian porn and scenes in a small number of movies. I hand it back to her and tell her thanks, but it didn’t have much of interest to me about what I was looking for. I ask her if she likes porn, and she hesitated for a second and said, “a little.” I just said, “cool.”
So, after a bit of time goes by, I keep looking over at her. She’s fairly attractive, and I just can’t keep my eyes off of her and keep from thinking how cool it was for a girl to be sitting in an open space reading a book with “Porn” splattered all over the place! After a bit of conversation with Nikki about some possibilities, I finally work up the nerve to ask her if she likes lesbian porn. She just stares at me for a few seconds and says “Yeah, I guess.” I can sense that she’s embarrassed about it, but I just keep looking at her and finally I just say, “That’s awesome.” I give it a little bit more time to sink in, and just keep looking at her (her name is Melissa, btw).
I finally work up the nerve to do something, and as I’m looking at her again, I make just a slight motion with my head toward the back of the airplane, and get up to go back to the bathroom. To my incredible surprise, she gets up and follows me back there (as I had *so* hoped she would). I go into the bathroom and pull her in with me. Those bathrooms are tight to begin with, but with two people in them…. We kissed each other for probably a full minute before we separated lips! As much as I’d loved to have joined the Lesbian Mile High Club right then, it just wasn’t possible in that bathroom! Anyway, we kissed a couple more times and then she left to go back to her seat. I straightened up and went back to mine as well.
We continued to make eye contact for the entire rest of the flight. When we landed, we both headed straight to the bathroom and found ourselves in the handicapped stall French kissing like there was no tomorrow. As much as I’d love to say we re-created the supposed Panther’s Cheerleader scene with the sex and all, we didn’t – we just made out for a few more minutes, and went back out. Nikki and Melissa’s sister were outside talking when we left the bathroom.
As far as I can tell, Melissa’s sister had no idea what was going on! Anyway, we collected all of our luggage, and each went our separate ways. Neither one of us asked the other one where we were going or anything else. It was just so………random, and not something I would’ve predicted I would have done before tonight. But, dayum! The skies don’t get much friendlier than that, I’m thinking.
Sadly, the flight home a few days later was very uneventful.
Reviews
September 14, 2008
I specifically disallow reviews of my services. I know many escorts rely on them to generate new business (especially those new to the industry), but I personally find them unpalatable for several reasons. Chief among these is the fact that no one can please everyone all the time, and one person’s “bad” session might be someone else’s positive. A bad review in such a case really isn’t fair to me or to other clients because it presents only one side of the equation. And to me, sex is such an individualized experience that having someone reduce it to a mere handful of words just minimizes what takes place and all that goes into it.
I realize what I am doing is a “service” and people who buy it from me deserve to have some idea that they’d get their money’s worth. But I pretty much guarantee satisfaction, and have yet to receive a complaint from a client. And yes, I realize it’d be naive for me to expect everyone to believe that just because I say it.
Still, I am very sensitive to how the chemistry is working between me and a partner, and if it just isn’t clicking, I am not averse to ending the session with no charge to the client. I think both of us should walk away from the appointment feeling as though we got what we originally bargained for. Sadly, I know that other escorts don’t hold that worldview.
There’s more to it than that, though. There’s nothing to prevent someone from saying that I’ve done something I don’t do, or exaggerating what took place, and there’s no way for me to directly counter any falsities that might be presented in a review. I know girls who’ve had people post bogus reviews of them, and it took quite a bit of effort to get them removed. In the meantime, they suffer from the consequences of potential clients reading that stuff and believing it, and then refusing to see her because of it. I don’t feel like having to deal with that (though I acknowledge that that is a relatively rare occurrence).
Now, of course, there’s no way I can prevent someone from posting reviews, but I fully expect my clients to honor my requests. If someone does post a review against my wishes, I sure won’t see him again (even if it was positive), and may even blacklist him if the review has some significant inaccuracies, especially if it is a negative review.
Of course, I don’t want to read about how I did something “wrong,” either.
Positive reviews can generate business, of course. At this point, however, I don’t need that; I generate enough business on my own via word of mouth, referrals, and the limited advertising that I do. Sometimes, an excess of positive reviews may create too high of expectations on the part of potential clients, too. And as I said before, sex is such an individualized experience - you can’t compare someone else’s experiences with yours in something that intimate, so there’s the potential for setting someone up to be disappointed. I mean, I can tell you I do anal, I allow facials, I deepthroat, etc. - having someone else tell you that as well serves no real purpose other than to confirm what I already said. If someone raved over my ability to swallow his “large cock,” and I am unable to do likewise with the next “large cock,” that second cock’s owner is going to be pretty upset.
I could also say that I don’t believe you should kiss and tell, but with my writings here about my experiences, you guys would see right through that shit.
Anyway, one of my clients from a week or so ago sent me a review he wrote that he begged me to let him post on a couple of the review boards. Again, I politely declined, for fear of setting a precedent. It was a pretty awesome review, though, so I thought I’d at least share it here. 
The client was a 42 year old guy, a hobbyist (someone who sees escorts as a “hobby,” basically), and I am reprinting his review here, as he sent it to me, complete with grammatical errors. 
For those of you unfamiliar with the acronyms and vernacular of the business, here is a quick primer:
DFK = Deep French Kissing
BBBJ = Bareback Blow Job (BJ without a condom)
DATY = Dining at the Y (oral sex on a female)
CG = Cowgirl (sex position)
DT = Deep throating
CIM = Cum in mouth
CIF = Cum in/on Face
GFE = Girlfriend experience
PSE = Porn Star experience
ATF = All-Time Favorite
Alexa is truly amazing. A great kisser and so confident. After a few minutes talking and getting to know each other, we make ourselves comfortable and began a long passionate kissing and caressing session. I almost felt like a teenager again I was so excited. She proceeds to tell me that she aims to please, anything goes, and asked if I wanted “girlfriend” or “porn star.” I asked for the porn star treatment, figured I may as well get the most for my money.
She proceeds to give me a BBBJ that almost buckled my knees. This girl is very orally talented. Wow was all I could think. She used lots of spit in order to use both her hands and her mouth. She took me in deeply with only her mouth for several strokes and would then alternate this with concentrating on my soldiers helmet while using her hand to pump me to hardness. She licked every inch of my dick and balls and then deepthroated and slowly worked me up to a frenzy. She could tell as my climax approached and she would then pull back and slow down to hold me back - such a TEASE - this happened a couple of times to where I could stand it no more. Finally, I exploded in her mouth and she kept on sucking to get every ounce out of me. To my surprise, she opens up her mouth and lets my cum flow on her beautiful tits then she licked it off and swallowed every drop. I almost came again just watching her do it.
She left to go to the bathroom and returned with a hot towel to clean me up (very thoughtful). We spent about a half hour talking – she’s very knowlegable and engaging. Time for round 2.
I went in for some DATY, very tasty, on that bald pussy. Started DATY, which she seemed to enjoy and became very wet. She was very responsive to daty. She covers me up, lubes herself and gets on CG. She asks how I like it. I tell her hard. She rode me so hard and long I thought I would pass out. We switched back and forth between Mish and Doggy for 15 - 20 minutes and I decided to lose the cover and go back for that sweet 69…..She re-mounted and I got another 1st class blow while enjoying the sights and smells of pussy….We must have gone at this for 30 minutes and I swear she would bring me to the brink and then back off…The brink, then back off so many times I lost count…..
Then on went the cover again and we did CG and then doggie. I was getting close to popping so asked about greek. She told me to go for it. It was extremely tight as this was the 1st time I was doing greek with anyone. I am a sucker for lower back tats and I couldn’t keep my eyes off hers. She met my every thrust with her own. I lasted about a minute before I popped #2. She got me another towel and we spent some more time talking while I recovered for round 3.
She asked me how I wanted it and I told her I’d like another BBBJ. She got back on her knees and went to town. When she says “porn star sex” she means it. I’ve never gotten such enthusiastic head. I don’t think she has a gag reflex as she DT me without gagging over and over again. When she asked me if I wanted to CIM or CIF I nearly fainted. I’ve never had any girl ask me that before. I opted for her face. I really felt like I was in a porn movie. When I finished, she went and cleaned up and brought me another warm towel, and we were done. We talked some more as she got dressed, gave me a hug and long DFK and was out the door.
I tell you she is 100% gfe/pse. Real girl next door friendly. If you are looking for the tall model type not for you. But if you want a real cute sexy girl who will literally fuck or suck your brains out go see her. She has a minimum 2 hour booking and trust me you’ll need every minute of it. This one may become my ATF if I can keep up financially.
Alexa’s Update # 11
September 8, 2008
Well, I got back Tuesday morning from Fort Lauderdale, as most of you have probably read. I am still having Nikki withdrawals.
Let’s see what’s going on in Alexa-town this week…
My father is considering getting a tummy tuck, according to my mother. lmao He’s always been fit (he has incredibly sexy, runner’s legs and butt, though I’ve never told him that), but I guess age is setting in and causing him to have more tummy than he wants. Apparently, you can get them on an outpatient basis for about three or four thousand dollars these days.
My classes are very interesting, and there’s a lot of intelligent, well-read people in them. This is going better than I’d anticipated, and I am enjoying the heavy reading and class discussions. The students in graduate courses appear, at this point anyway, to be much more…mature than the undergrad ones.
Is there any other woman who just loves to have their head pushed down into the bed, face down, and just railed from behind? I mean, just, god damn. 
*fans self*
Client Updates:
I’ve seen Rick twice this week. I toyed with him a bit on Wednesday, based on a conversation I’d had with one of my friends. She said she’d love fuck me right after I’d had sex with a man, and eat his cum out of my cunt (trust me, she’s a freak, too!). I told her I was going to tell him that, that I bet he’d really get off on that. In order to do that, though, I’d have to let him fuck me bareback, without a condom. I’ve been seeing Rick for several weeks now, and I am comfortable enough with him to allow him to do that.
So when I went in Wednesday morning, I told him that I had a female client who had a special request, and outlined to him what I described above. Needless to say, he found that to be very arousing. We only have about 15-30 minutes each morning before his staff starts showing up, so I quickly got him hard with some oral attention, and then sat on his desk, and told him to fuck me, but skip the condom. He couldn’t believe his ears. He penetrated me and after only about 10 thrusts, came hard inside me. I got a pad out of my purse, put it in my panties, put them back on, pulled my skirt back on and headed out the door.
Of course, I just went home and showered and did nothing with any woman after I left him, but he didn’t know that. Thursday, when I went back to see him, he asked me how it went. I made up some stuff about her lapping his cum out of my cunt as soon as I walked into her hotel room. That got him all hot and bothered, and he wanted to know if we could “go somewhere” for some extended fun. I had no commitments so I said, “sure.” He took me to a hotel down the street, checked in, came and got me, and we spent four hours fucking. Bareback, of course.
One of the points I made in my post on decriminalization of prostitution is that prostitutes should be allowed to decide for themselves if they want to require condoms, rather than making it a state law, and that’s how I feel. If a prostitute gets to a point with a regular client where s/he feels comfortable not using protection, then I think they ought to be able to go that route. I am at such a place with Rick. I’d never do that with a new client, of course. In Nevada, where prostitution is legal in many places, they require the use of condoms for all penetrative activities. I understand the rationale, but I think the provider is in a better position to decide what level of protection is necessary. Obviously, s/he’s not going to take any unnecessary chances.
I also had my blow-bang/bukkake party Saturday afternoon - the one I’d referred to about a month ago. I got paid to blow 10 guys and allow them to cum anywhere they wanted. It started out quite awkwardly, but got better as the afternoon wore on. Surprisingly, my mouth and throat didn’t get sore. lol Anyway, I’ll be writing about what happened with this and should have it up in a couple of days, depending on how much time I have to put in for classes this week.
Other stuff:
Last Wednesday between classes, I perused some of the stores in the mall. I came across one that was selling some unique clubwear and accessories. I bought a wild new dress to go clubbing in. It is a open-weave fishnet, off-the-shoulder mini tube dress, with a matching bra and thong. There’s not much to it, but in the club I go to, I’ll actually be overdressed compared to some people.
And, apparently, my blog is written at a post-graduate level.
That’s all for this week, so far. Like I said, keep your eyes open for my account of the blow-bang. Have a great week.
A Few Days in Fort Lauderdale
September 6, 2008
I finally returned to San Francisco Tuesday after a few luxurious days with Nikki in Fort Lauderdale. 
And based on the projected path of Hurricane Ike, it looks like I timed the trip just perfectly - between Gustav and Ike.
And while Hurricane Gustav’s direct threat to southern Florida abated early on, it still managed to fuck up a good bit of my time there. Still, there was a silver lining to it all. Instead of spending all four days wasting away on the beaches, we spent some quality time with one another exploring some places that we’d been meaning to see since we moved down there several years ago, but just never found the time to.
I got in late Thursday evening last week, due entirely to some kind of ground holdup at DFW. We sat on the tarmac for well over an hour because of all of the airplane traffic waiting to take off. I think we ended up being about 30th in line or some shit like that. The pilot came on at one point and said we were number 9 for take off and should be off the ground in about 12 or 15 minutes. About 20 minutes later, he came on and said we were number 9 for take off and should be off the ground in about 12 or 15 minutes. *sigh*
I *so* fucking hate flying these days. I’ve flown well over 100 times, including several times before 9/11. It used to be fun to fly. Nowadays, with all of the stupid, useless security processes, the extra fees for breathing air on the plane (sarcasm, yes, but just wait, it’s coming), idiotic counter people, and the ridiculous process of people finding places to put their fucking luggage on the airplane so they don’t have to check it (saving the baggage fee), it’s just an incredible pain in the ass to go anywhere on an aircraft these days. I was in the 5th group (out of 8) to get on and even at that point, there was no overhead bin space for peoples’ luggage. Anyone who got on after me had to check luggage that wouldn’t fit under their seats or couldn’t squeeze into the bin. I wondered if it was possible to avoid the checked bag fees by checking luggage this way. Regardless, it’s just asinine what you have to go through to get from Point A to Point B by air these days. Good grief, it is so fucked up.
Anyway, I finally made it to Fort Lauderdale. Nikki was waiting for me at the security exit. I ran to her and just wrapped my arms around her and we hugged and cried together for a few minutes. And while it’s not terribly uncommon to see people kissing in the airport, I don’t recall seeing two women kissing like we were. No one said anything, but I saw some people with that “WTF?” look on their faces. Fuck you guys - I’d missed my lover.
It felt so nice to be in real convertible weather for a change. lol We rode home in Nikki’s Miata, and it felt good to feel that warm, humid Florida air coursing through my hair again. We got home and spent a little time catching up, and then went off to bed. The sex was incredible. It felt *so* good to be wrapped up in her arms, our spirits intertwined just as if we’d never been apart. It was so awesome to smell that scent of hers; it is very intoxicating to me. She uses a different shampoo, conditioner and body lotions than I do, so it is easy to differentiate her scent from mine when we’re wrapped up together.
When we got up the next morning, it was overcast, so there was no point in going to the beach. We opted to go to Butterfly World instead. That place is so cool. You go in and walk among literally thousands of gorgeous butterflies. If you stand still for a few minutes, some will land on you. I sat on one of the benches for a few minutes and one of them landed on my nose. 
The butterflies live for about 10-14 days, and they have to release about 3,000 of them a week to keep the place stocked. I wondered to myself what this place does when they have hurricanes come through. Do they lose a bunch of the little critters?
That evening, we went to Cheesecake Factory - Nikki had a bowl of clam chowder and a salad, while I had a hamburger. The meal was of course followed by the requisite slice of cheesecake. I had the Lemon-Raspberry Cream Cheesecake.
On Saturday, the weather wasn’t much better - still overcast and breezy. So, once again, no beach, and we were forced to make alternate plans. This time we opted for the Miami Seaquarium. We watched several shows, including one featuring dolphins and a killer whale named Lolita. We saw some manatees, including one who’d had 2/3 of its tail chopped off by a boat’s propeller. 
We also saw some sea lions and seals, sea turtles, iguanas, flamingoes, and several other animals. They had a small exhibit about the damage the place suffered during Hurricane Wilma. Wilma was our first hurricane experience after we’d moved to Florida from Tennessee.
Saturday night we went shopping at Sawgrass Mills Mall - 350+ stores! The place is HUGE. We didn’t buy anything to speak of, though. We just spent time looking, walking through the mall, holding hands and acting like we hadn’t seen each other in ages.
On Sunday, the weather was markedly worse. It was raining in a lot of places. One of the feeder bands from Gustav was right over southern Florida. He was nowhere near us, but his cloud field extended outward for hundreds of miles, and it was just our luck to be under his influence for still another day. The rain was spotty, though, so we figured we’d go see the Miami Zoo - it is supposedly one of the 10 best in the country. We were apparently on some kind of animal(istic) kick. lol
When we got there, the park ranger told us the zoo had closed early due to rain. Fuck. That was over an hour drive, and several toll booths from home, and we had to make the return trip. We went home and spent the afternoon in bed having sex and just enjoying each other’s company. Sunday night we headed back to the Cheesecake Factory, and ended up with the same waitress we had before (shoutout to our waitress, Jessica!). This time I opted for their 30th Anniversary Cheesecake special - original cheesecake sandwiched in between layers of chocolate cake. Yummy.
We always sit outside on the sidewalk when we eat there if the weather is cooperative (and it was this evening). It is a lot of fun to watch people walk by as you eat. It is right at the western end of the Las Olas Shopping District (high end stuff, for the most part), and you’ll see literally every kind of person pass by. It struck me that one difference between Fort Lauderdale (well, the whole Miami area, really) and San Francisco is that the people, the bodies, here are stunning.
In Fort Lauderdale, a woman can wear a sheer dress with nothing but a bra and thong underneath it and make it look fashionable. In San Francisco, it just looks garish (which, of course, doesn’t stop people from wearing it). One tall (5′ 8″ or so) woman walked by us wearing the shortest miniskirt I have ever seen. She’d cut it off so that the pockets in it were hanging below the cuff, and it just barely covered her ass. She was wearing 4-inch heels to boot. But gosh she had an incredible set of legs that went on forever. Her boyfriend was clearly showing her off, and heads were turning, let me tell you. They walked by and a few minutes later came back to the restaurant to eat. As luck would have it, they sat directly across from us. What a view! Haha! I exchanged glances with her several times, but she just didn’t set my gaydar off, so I didn’t bother to try flirting.
When we were done, we walked down the street and visited some of the stores. There was one store in particular that sold furniture and home decorations. They had a black, ivory-inlaid table with 8 chairs that sold for $39,500.00. Chump change, right? lol They also had some little ivory figurines that looked for all the world like they could’ve been made to demonstrate sex positions from the Kama Sutra. These things were complete with penises entering vaginas, mouths, etc. At $4K a set, though, we didn’t buy any.
On Monday, finally, some decent beach weather. We packed up our shit and headed down to Haulover Beach. If you haven’t been reading me, or just aren’t familiar with it, Haulover is the only government-operated clothing optional beach in the country. And I hate tan lines! So…
Anyway, it was nice to see some familiar, um, faces, and catch up with some friends we’ve met at the beach before. I actually got a bit red this time, too - I guess my body’s not used to being out in the sun like it used to be. But the day was perfect and we spent a good 8 hours lying in the sun, playing in the very rough surf, and just talking with people.
Monday night, we ate at the Bonefish Grill. Nikki had the Chilean Sea Bass, and I had the Grilled Shrimp and Scallops in lemon-butter sauce. That stuff is to die for. It is smooth, very light, yet filling - a very delicious meal.
Once we were done eating, we headed down to Fort Lauderdale Beach to take a leisurely stroll along the ocean front. We parked the car and, unusually, Nikki put the top up on the convertible. Normally she’d just leave it open since we were coming right back. But there were a lot of people running around down there so she just felt better knowing that the car wouldn’t be open. How fortuitous that would turn out to be.
We went across the street (we’d parked in the lot across from the Elbo Room - they have a web cam where you can see the beach, too, btw.), and walked down along the beach side of the road. About halfway between Las Olas Blvd and Cortez Street, we felt what we thought was ocean spray. We’d both began discussing the fact that it seemed a lot more…robust than usual, when all of the sudden the bottom let out. Rain began pouring down on us - I mean it was a frog-strangler. Fortunately, there were no cars coming up A1A, so we took off across the street and ran into a salon that was still open. We still got soaked, though. It was funny to watch all of the people who’d been eating on the sidewalk at the bars and cafes along the strip get up and go running for cover as well. There must’ve been about a hundred people scrambling for cover.
I had to get back to San Francisco Tuesday for school, so I had to take an early flight out of Fort Lauderdale to get back in time to allow me to read my assignment for class. I had to get up at 3AM to get ready. Gah!
My flight left right on cue (which they almost always do from FLL). I made my connection through DFW on time as well, which kind of surprised me, since the whole northern part of Texas was still feeling the effects of Gustav. In Atlanta, if someone flushes a toilet, it fucks airport traffic up for the rest of the day, so it surprised me that I got through DFW without a problem with all of the rain and whatnot.
I made it home just after Noon, and wanted to take a nap before I headed over to the campus, but I was too wound up. So I spent some time reading, meandering around online, and just bumming around, languishing in the sadness of the realization that it’d be another two months before I’d be able to return home.
All in all it was a very nice trip, in different ways than I had anticipated. It was so good to see, hold, and yes, fuck Nikki again. But, alas, I am here, alone, once again.
Alexa’s Update # 10
August 27, 2008
I know I’m a couple of days late on this, but there really hasn’t been much to update you on. I’ve seen a few clients, but nothing has really stood out as something y’all might be interested in. I am still seeing Rick many mornings around 6AM, and he’s still forking out the cash for nothing more than a blowjob and the occasional quick fuck before his staff starts showing up. I have also scheduled my fetish party gig for next weekend, and I’m sure some story will come out of that.
I’ve spent a couple of days working on my post about decriminalizing prostitution. If you haven’t read it yet, please do so and let me know your thoughts - I am genuinely curious as to what people think about my proposal.
Much of the Bay Area is under a “Red Flag Warning” today - this is code for a very high fire danger. The temps have once again been into the 100-degree range - its surreal, really.
I leave tomorrow to go home to see Nikki. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am about that. For a couple of days earlier this week, I was afraid that Hurricane Gustav was going to fuck things up. The initial projected track of the storm had it going straight up into the southern portions of Florida. Over the past couple of days, though, the weather gurus (such as they are) are now saying it is going to head on over to New Orleans and shouldn’t interfere with my trip home at all.
I started classes this week, and there’s nothing like making an embarrassing first impression. For some reason I thought my early class was on Tuesdays, so I showed up yesterday morning for my first class, only to discover that I was there on the wrong day, and therefore in the wrong class.
Anyway, the class is one that I’ll end up taking later in my graduate career anyway, so it was nice to see what it was going to be about. I did make it to the early (correct) class this morning just fine. All three of my classes look like they’re going to be really interesting, too. For one class I have nine required texts, along with some research journals and other material that has to be read and digested. There’s going to be a good bit of writing involved in these as well. Fortunately, I like to write about sexuality, so I should be okay.
And for most of them I’ll be in with the same group of people. There’s about 20 of us starting the program this fall, and most of the rest of the group have some unique and interesting characteristics, experiences and life goals. It’ll be interesting to work with these folks as my time here progresses.
Anyway, like I said, I’ll be out of town until next Tuesday, so you probably won’t hear much from me, though I will be keeping up with any comments I get.
Enjoy your week. 
Role Reversal
August 21, 2008
Sometimes, it’s just more fun to lie there and be fucked.
In a conversation I was having with a close friend a couple of days ago, we were discussing sexual relationships and the role of the aggressor, or perhaps more accurately, the dominant - the one who controls the sexual tension in the relationship. For the majority of my sexual life (which began in the latter part of my 14th year), I have almost invariably been the aggressor. I was the one who initiated sexual activity and controlled how far it went, how often we did it, and how hot it got for the most part.
I had four boyfriends during my time in high school, and in each of those cases the relationships were largely egalitarian - coequal in just about every way. Going into it, each guy knew that I was headstrong and wasn’t going to be someone they could walk over, emotionally, intellectually or sexually. Three of them found that exhilarating, believe it or not. That tends to go against the archetypal relationship dynamic many people have in their minds about male-female relationships, especially those among high school aged couples. Admittedly, though, I was an exception; I knew plenty of examples where the relationship was not only not coequal, but terribly biased toward one member of the pair (and it wasn’t just the males being the stronger of the pair exclusively, either).
After I’d had my first experience with another girl, I went on a tear, seducing as many girls as I could (when I wasn’t in a relationship with a boy). My initial justification was providing them with the same experience I’d had on that fantastic New Year’s Eve. In fact, the sex I had with first three girls I was with after that evening was largely an educational endeavor with my best friends. I wanted my closest friends to experience the intensity I’d felt that evening, so I set out to teach them about lesbian sex (though I refused to even call it that at that point in my life). We literally spent time researching sexual topics and then imparting that knowledge unto one another. I’d had several all-girl threesomes and foursomes by the time I turned 16. Looking back on that now, I am literally quite shocked that they all acquiesced as easily as they did without freaking out.
As time went on, I began to enjoy the thrill of taking a new girl into that experience; by the time I’d graduated from high school, I’d been with ten different girls, some multiple times, some just once. To this day, I have no idea if many of them consider themselves straight, bisexual or what. One of my BFFs has come out to herself and a few close friends as gay, and is in the United States Marine Corps. She’s in the band and just returned from her second tour in Iraq. Aside from Nikki, she’s the only high school friend whose sexuality I am knowledgeable about.
This carried over into the early part of my college career. It literally became sport fucking for me - I wanted to see how many women I could get into bed. I took advantage of the new found freedom that many people experience when they get away from home for the first time, unconstrained by the need to “behave,” and the willingness to experiment. I literally spent weeks, even months, chasing individual women specifically to see if I could convince them to walk on the opposite side of the tracks. By any reasonable measure, I was very successful. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times I failed.
The one constant throughout all of this, of course, is the fact that I was always the instigator, the pursuer, the aggressor, when it came to the sexual aspects in all of these relationships.
It is hardly any different with my clients. I am still the one who initiates and/or controls what we do, how long we do it, how far we go, etc. So, even though the client initiated the appointment, I still retain the ultimate control. This is necessary to ensure my safety and to keep the dynamic balanced with respect to the transaction taking place. This is a fundamental concept behind making sex work safe and consensual. If the client exerts too much control over the situation, then I lose my agency and the transaction becomes akin to slavery or abuse.
And, while it’s a lot of fun to be the one who initiates and controls the sex, especially with someone who’s never been down that road before, the past couple of years have seen me become more and more interested in exploring the opposite end of the spectrum - being the submissive one; the one who is on the receiving end of sexual pursuit; the one who’s being done, rather than the one doing someone else.
As you know, if you’ve spent any time reading my original series of posts, I’ve spent some time exploring some avenues of submissiveness, mainly through indulging personal fantasies. I started down the road for real when I went through the process of getting my first facial. That is a rather benign expression of submissiveness, of course, but my own personal fantasies have included some extremes, including one of being gang raped*.
This is the root of why I find my experiences with Chase so intense. She’s the one in the driver’s seat most of the time, and I find allowing myself to submit to her, to be penetrated by her, to have my sex controlled by her, highly erotic. This just works to intensify the sexual chemistry that exists between us to begin with. I find myself wondering if the girls and women I was with in my early years felt the same way I do when I am being fucked by her. I’d sure like to hope so, but, as you know, we each experience sex on such an individual level that it’d be impossible to know for sure without asking them (and who asks that kind of question after sex? lol)
She lets me take the opposite role, easily. And, in fact, I do that during our sexual encounters - we reverse roles quite often in bed. My sexual relationship with Nikki is, for all intents and purposes, very similar as well - we can both be the aggressor or the submissive in any given sex session. Neither one of us maintains as sexually dominant across any specific length of time, and I absoultely adore that. Some days she’ll ask me if I’d like to have sex; on others, she’ll just push me down and fuck me.
I think, to be a sexually balanced individual, you should be able to switch from one role to the other to a degree. Not necessarily seamlessly, but in some kind of combination that allows you to experience a broad realm of experiences so as to make one whole sexually. Not unlike having a balance between emotion and logic, if you will. I think others would probably disagree with that, but it is just my personal opinion.
I have yet to experience it, but I know a lot of escorts have male clients that want to be controlled, that want to be penetrated, dominated, fucked. As I said here, this is a common expression for someone who spends the majority of his/her life “in control” - they want to be done to, rather than the one responsible for doing. What’s sad, to me anyway, is that these people don’t feel free to express that within the confines of the relationships they have with their wives, girlfriends, or partners. I do, however, understand why it isn’t safe to do that, or, rather, why the perception that it isn’t safe exists.
I often reflect back on my high school time and wonder how things would’ve been different had I been the one who was pursued by another female. In the absence of having had an experience with another girl, how would I have felt? Would I have found it enticing? Would I have been reluctant? Would I have been scared? Would I have had an orgasm?
Had I had the same curiosity streak I possessed in high school, I believe I would have enjoyed it because I have always been driven to know as much as I could about anything that held my interest, including, especially, sexuality. And I honestly believe that I would’ve craved the experience. The difference would have been that I probably would’ve lacked the confidence to make it happen; I would’ve waited for someone to pursue me.
In the end, though, I can’t honestly say that I am disappointed with the way things have turned out.
*This is a password-protected post, so you’ll need to contact me for the password.
23
August 17, 2008
Today is my birthday. I turn 23. I’ll be getting gray hairs before you know it.
This birthday is the first in seven years that Nikki isn’t sharing it with me, and while I have a great group of e-friends who’ve wished me happy birthday and whatnot, I’d still give almost anything to be with her today.
This is one of my favorite songs, and it is so appropriate for how I feel today.
When You’re Gone ~Avril Lavigne
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I’d do, I’d give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
