Drinks for Sex

This morning I encountered a photo on the Tumblrs of a woman holding a glass of wine, with her mouth just beginning to go down or a rather lengthy piece of man meat.   The photo itself was hot without discussion, but someone raised the question of which wine went with sex.

First, the photo:

So we had a little fun and began a discussion on Twitter about which wines went with which groupings in the variety possible for most sex.  I believe the general (though hardly unanimous) consensus was thus:

Red wine goes with cock, obviously.  Fellatio and red wine just seem to be a natural fit.  After all, red wines go with a fine cut of meat, no?

Whites go with pussy.  If you’re going down on a cunt, you need a white wine.  Don’t forget that whites should be served chilled.  That’ll give the tongue’s contact with the cunt just a bit of zing to it. 

For threesomes, the prevailing gender determines which wine you should have.  Two males = red wine; two females = white wine.

For a lesbian encounter, a rose or blush works best (and they should similarly be chilled before serving).  For gay male sex, perhaps cocktails are in order.

For a mixed gender orgy, you should go with a sangria, unless you have the desire/money to host a wine bar, in which case you should go that route to ensure everyone can drink what they wish, depending upon who they’ll be fucking next.

Gang bangs are a somewhat different animal, and the focus should be more on keeping everyone hydrated rather than lubing up the situation.  So we’re going to go with a fine, good quality Gatorade here.  Speaking from experience, the slightly red Fruit Punch flavor works quite well.

And of course, champagne is always acceptable for special occasions, regardless of the mix of genders, the number of bodies involved, or the specific sex acts or orifices filled.

If you’re on the front end of a sexual encounter, or are on the prowl, people have suggested the Long Island Ice Tea as an advertisement for sluttiness.   And, of course, if you’re about to have your first sexual encounter, the virgin daiquiri seems most appropriate. 

Obviously, rules were made to be broken, so the specifics of what you drink should be based on your own personal preferences.  But, just as with wines and fine meals, there should be some modicum of etiquette to guide you along, and I believe we’ve now settled this. 

So let it be written; so let it be done.

Oh, and could someone notify Wine Spectator, Saveur, and Bon Apetit magazines to notify them of these new rules, please? 

Above all, though, be safe.  Don’t drink too much of anything such that you lose connectivity with reality.  You should always practice safe sex AND safe drinking.

So what are your thoughts?  What do you prefer to to drink when playing with your fucktoy(s)?

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