Over the past few weeks, I’ve presented a couple of scenarios involving whoredom to you guys, largely in an attempt just to get you to think about the concept of being paid for sex and how you see and interpret the concept of “being a whore,” both privately and publicly. Here’s another one for you.
If you’re a woman, say you were eating in a restaurant, and a man whom you found attractive (for the sake of argument) approached you and asked you to go with him into the bathroom (or to his car) and perform oral sex on him for $200, would you do it? Or, perhaps it would be a better question to ask, how would you react to it? Would you consider it at all? How would it make you feel that he’d asked you in the first place? Would your reaction change if you needed the money immediately (such as a utility payment due the next day, for which a failure to remit payment would result in the shutting off of your electricity)?
If you’re a guy, eating in that same restaurant, and a woman you found reasonably attractive approached you and said she’d blow you in the bathroom or your car for $200, how would you react? How would it make you feel that she approached you and offered to begin with? Would it make a difference if she stated that she really needed the money lest she have her electricity turned off?
I present the offset and add-on dilemma of the need for money because that is the primary discriminator many people use to differentiate “survival sex” prostitution from “luxury” (for lack of a better term) prostitution. It’s one thing to sell sexual services if you do it to make a comfortable living for yourself; it’s almost seen in a positive light, even as glamorous by some. But those who’re forced to sell sex (and who almost invariably work the streets) to keep a house, put food on the table for their children, or feed an addiction are often cast in an entirely different light. They’re commonly seen as the dregs of society, even though they could just as easily go out and steal stuff to survive. They don’t do that, though, and yet they’re almost universally seen as lower than thieves, ironically.
This particular exercise is, admittedly, a superficial treatment of the subject in this context, but I think it does cause one to stop and think for a moment about the dichotomy involved in sex work today within the unique framework of your particular individual situation as you’d see it at that given point in time.
Anyway, as before, no need to comment publicly if you don’t wish to do so. This is just another one of those exercises to get you to stop and think for a few minutes about the subject of whoredom. Feel free to post anonymously if you wish.
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{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s interesting that you say “luxury” prostitution is seen in a positive light and “survival” prostitution is looked down on. I thought the exact opposite when I read your hypothetical. I would look more favorably upon the prostitute who’s just doing it to scrape by.
I would politely decline the offer for oral sex. I don’t care how attractive the woman is, I simply don’t feel a blow job is worth $200 (unless my disposable income were a quantity far greater than it is now).
If she left it at that and walked away, I would be bemused that I was approached by a hooker and not make any kind of judgement. She asked, I answered, and that is that. A good story to tell my buddies.
However, if she were to follow up with the claim about needing the money for her bills, I would immediately assume she’s lying and that she’s an addict of some kind. The scenario is a poor one because it operates on the premise that there is someone gullible enough to actually believe that the money would be spent on the electricity. Anyway, my subsequent opinion of her would be in regards to her honesty and her addiction, not her profession. If she’s an addict, she’s probably streetwalking AND stealing.
I see the dichotomy you speak of in sex work as no different than the dichotomy of a lawyer who works as a District Attorney as opposed to a personal injury lawyer chasing ambulances to the emergency room. One I respect, one I don’t.
I would immediately assume she’s lying and that she’s an addict of some kind. The scenario is a poor one because it operates on the premise that there is someone gullible enough to actually believe that the money would be spent on the electricity.
You do realize that many street workers aren’t addicts, right? I hope you’re not that naive.
Perhaps I misunderestimated the extent some people buy into stereotypes. :S
It’s no use presenting potentially loaded scenarios and then jumping down the throats of people that happen to take the opposite opinion of what you might believe. Hmmm….I guess that was the whole point of this exercise anyway.
And please tell me that you used the nonsense word ‘misunderestimated’ as a joke. Please!
I think my response to him hardly reached the level of “jumping down [his] throat.”
I expect readers of my blog to have some familiarity with the subject of prostitution, and find it hard to believe that a reader would still buy into the stereotype that prostitutes are de facto drug addicts. It’s not merely what “I believe,” it’s a fact.
And please tell me that you used the nonsense word ‘misunderestimated’ as a joke.
It was.
Ok, understood, but I think you missed the point of his entire comment. I’ll rewrite it another way but using a different subject.
If a young girl who looked kinda down and out came up to me on the street and asked for $5, I’d be likely to just hand over $5 – no questions asked.
However, if the same girl asked me for $5 with a story about needing to catch the bus somewhere, or even collecting money to help her ailing grandmother, I would immediately become suspicious. It’s just my nature, and I guess a lot of other people’s natures as well to think that she’s lying. Whether she’s going to use it for drugs, alcohol, whatever….it’s just the fact that she laid an excuse on me that would make me think twice.
I guess my point is, I don’t really care, in either scenario, what she wants the money for. I would just give her the money. Except for the blowjob – I’m with Trevor on that. I’m sorry, but NO blowjob is worth $200
Obviously I didn’t make my point clearly. It has nothing to do with stereotypes or how many street workers use or don’t use drugs and/or alcohol. The reason I think she’s a user is because I simply don’t believe her story. I mean, it’s kind of redundant, don’t you think? She’s a sex worker in order to make a living, I would expect that she’s using her money to pay her bills. Mentioning the electricity bill, and trying to play on my sympathy flags it as a lie. Which means she needs money for something else that she doesn’t want to mention, ie. drugs. Put it this way: I’m a car salesman, and you’re looking at a car. I tell you that I work on 100% commission, and I don’t have enough money to pay the rent so I need you to buy this car. Do you believe me?
What Trevor’s typing tells us volumes about is Trevor ’s mind. “People who say they need money are lying, addicted, streetwalking thieves.” (I condensed it down to eleven words, but it only took him a short paragraph to say exactly the same thing. Awesome, if loathsome, leap.)
I guess I’m different. When I get to know someone a little, even someone who is sexually open, sexually adventurous, someone not irrationally opposed to mixing business with pleasure while putting her smart little self through school — say, someone like our host here — I more often than not discover a sweetheart rather than a snake of some sort.
I’ve lived long enough to observe that it’s the DA’s and preachers who are most reliably discovered, after their funerals, to have a drawerful of children’s underwear in the attic. Lawyers who hold doctors and car manufacturers to a higher standard are more fun to have a beer with and also help make YOUR life better — if they weren’t here, your wife would have a better chance of dying in childbirth, there wouldn’t be a seatbelt in your car, and when you flew through the windshield next Tuesday it wouldn’t have safety glass in it and you’d bleed out in 30 seconds. (No, I’m not a lawyer, just not small-minded about their role.)
And now, to really blow your mind: Look out the window. Pick a raven, any raven. Watch him steal. That’s pretty much all they do. Pick a lion, any lion — stealing gazelles, day in and day out. Pick a white shark off the Farallons — stealing little sea lion pups all the live long day, tossin’ ‘em up in the air, smacking their sharky lips, swallowing them down. No payment to anyone. No permission from anyone.
Perhaps the creator of the universe contemplates a different set of ethical standards than you do. Evidently She does, since it’s going on all around us. Maybe all that Judeo-Christian “thou shalt not” smack was laid down to keep all the golden goblets in just a few fat cats’ cabinets. And to suppress the power of robust hot women who look out for themselves by branding them thieving skanks.
Fascinating, by the way, that someone would think no blow job could be worth $200. I’m over 50, but when I was in grad school my girlfriend pushed me down into about four loads of warm laundry that we’d just brought up from the basement and emptied out on her bed. The blow job that followed is the fondest sort of memory. Another I got from a redhead in a BMW under a banyan tree on a warm Florida night is likewise indelibly etched in my memory. $200?! That’s a thin handful of paper. Lordy, I’d have traded pinky fingers for some of the great blow jobs in my life.
The problem with the “hard luck” story is that there are too many folks on the streets offering these stories. There is a guy in my home town who goes around with a laminated veterans card claiming to be an Iraq vet just released from local VA hospital and needing cash to catch a bus to an Army base elsewhere in the state. I have run into him three times already. And whenever I do, everyone I am with also has run into him before. The story is always the same, like a perfected script that he knows with always get him a few bucks. And it is always untrue!
Does that mean no one ever has a true hard luck story? No. But it does make us all less receptive to such tales.
As for a BJ being worth $200. I have had free BJ’s that were worth much more than $200, but in a context that was charged with more sexuality and emotion than I can imagine being the case in a public bathroom or my car. (Though I once had a great one in the parking lot of a busy restaurant that I recall fondly some 30 years later
:)
I’m not a prostitute/street worker/whatever. Nor am I an addict of any kind. But I have had my electricity shut off due to having no money, and believe you me… if I’m asking someone for money to help pay that bill, and I’m desperate enough (in my own situation, not saying everyone would be considered “desperate”) to have sex with someone to get that money, you bet your bottom dollar it would go to that bill.
Alexa~ in my own opinion, I would turn the guy down just because I’m married, and I’ve never desired being paid for sex. I would be amused by it though, and take it as a compliment. I have been offered money for sex before, and have always said no. If I wasn’t married and my children were starving, I think I would do it. Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Aside from finding the concept of ANY woman ever walking up to ME and offering to blow me for ANY reason or for ANY amount of money beyond belief
…I’ll answer the hypothetical.
I’d probably say no. While a BJ in a public bathroom does have a certain fantasy element that is appealing; not for $200. Not when I realize that for only a little more than that I can enjoy a FS escort for a full hour in a comfortable setting.
If I had the money and time, however, I might be inclined to offer the woman a reasonable contribution — that is, more than her $200 need — if she’d join me in a more relaxed environment for a little more time.
I find this as an interesting start of these conversations among the readers. I personally read through your posts, and from time to time read through the reader’s comments.
First, my reaction:
I’d deny the offer. I’d be suspicious that it could be some undercover LE sting (lots of those around where I live). Either way, I’d be happy that the woman thought I looked rich enough to have an extra 200 bucks to spend. If a woman came up to me and asked if she could give me a blowjob for free, I’d be in the bathroom waiting. I love blowjobs.
I also agree with the initial reaction of the first comment. I doubt I would look down on the woman who is trying to scrape by. She’s at least trying while other people sit back and leech off of society with gov’t handouts. A woman conducting this as a luxury has the ability to do something else with her time, so it would seem a more conscious choice instead of the woman who feels this as a last resort.
In regards to the second post, I would like to see some qualified details in reference to addiction among street workers. I doubt there is much research or statistics anyways. If there are, we immediately have to doubt the statistics because they would partly be relying on the voluntary disclosure of the streetworker’s profession. I work in healthcare, so among anecdotal evidence, we only see those streetworkers who are having some kind of medical problems. When asked, most are very open about their addictions. They are usually more open about their cocaine use than their profession. I understand that this does not constitute the wide variety of wide variety of women engaged in this profession. In fact, many times the medical problems these women are having are as a direct result of their addictions. Thus we are only going to see this segment of the population of streetworkers. People hate stereotypes, but there is some underlying characteristic that starts the stereotype.
You discussed in your post about the women who are forced to sell sex in order to feed an addiction. I then found it disappointing when Trevor mentioned he would suspect addiction in his post and you got upset at him for use of stereotypes. You made multiple comments through your initial post that would seem stereotypical regarding this discussion.
“It’s one thing to sell sexual services if you do it to make a comfortable living for yourself; it’s almost seen in a positive light, even as glamorous by some. ”
“They’re commonly seen as the dregs of society, even though they could just as easily go out and steal stuff to survive. They don’t do that, though, and yet they’re almost universally seen as lower than thieves, ironically.”
How can you qualify these statements? Have there been polls conducted? These polls would be biased because anyone answering would preference “society’s norm” as a response instead of giving their own answer. I bet you could even find a hobbyist who would answer that prostitution is bad when questioned. Are these comments based on anecdotal evidence here on your blog?
In fact, you are inherently biased since you engage in this yourself. Thank you for at least offering discussion instead of simply posting your blog.
I doubt I would look down on the woman who is trying to scrape by. She’s at least trying while other people sit back and leech off of society with gov’t handouts.
I find this statement a bit morally troubling. The liberal sexual attitudes of those of us who would read The RP Diaries notwithstanding, are you suggesting someone should delve into prostitution before accepting a HEAP (Home Energy Assistance) grant? Or, assuming you’re an American – and forgive me if that’s a false assumption – are you suggesting someone should commit a crime rather than go on the public rolls?
No, I’m frustrated with those in our city who are living in section 8 housing, take food stamps, get gov’t subsidies to pay for childcare, take welfare payments, then they and their significant others (baby daddy) both file tax returns as head of household, and both claim all their kids on both their taxes. I think what people fail to realize is that with the Earned Income Credit and tax exemptions for children, there are people in our society who get back more on their taxes than they actually make each year. Yes, they get a check from the government for more money than they actually earn through the year. That’s my tax money, and I worked for it.
Last year there was a referendum to try and limit the length of time people could use the section 8 housing credit in our city. The rule was that they had to find a job to continue in section 8 housing. The city found that 34% of the section 8 homes had one adult member of the household who was capable but not working. Same study found 42% of the section 8 homes had 2+ adults capable, but not working. The African American leaders in the community said that it unfairly targeted blacks, and was at a bad time due to the economic crisis that hit our country. The time frame was 5 years! That’s enough time to get an undergraduate degree and have a year off to find a job. It still wasn’t good enough for people. Too many people in our society expect a free handout.
HEAP grants are mainly targeted to elderly and disabled. I wouldn’t pay for a prostitute from either category. Sorry, personal preference. I have a high degree of respect for elderly, as they have put their hard work and time in. They deserve to relax. The disabled didn’t choose to be so.
AND I am an American. Proudly so. Thus I support capitalism and would not look down on a prostitute who is earning a living to support her family or even pay for her addictions instead of someone who is sucking the public rolls dry in order to do the same. Welfare is not used for what it was intended. It was intended to be insurance against job loss. It was not intended to pay you to stay at home.
So what you should find morally troubling are your own contradictions. If you qualify yourself as having a liberal sexual attitude, you’d agree that prostitution shouldn’t be a crime.
My sexually liberated attitude doesn’t change the fact that prostitution is illegal – whether i think it should be or not. I just simply stated a fact. The moral contradiction in my stating a simple fact is…….where? If i had a liberal attitude towards drugs, should i suggest someone should deal drugs if they can’t find a job, rather than accept public assistance? You seem to think so.
I didn’t come here to deal with your political rantings, so i’ll just let the balance of your post speak for itself.
The contradiction you support is the Government telling a woman what she can and can’t do with her own body.
You discussed in your post about the women who are forced to sell sex in order to feed an addiction. I then found it disappointing when Trevor mentioned he would suspect addiction in his post and you got upset at him for use of stereotypes.
I used that as one of three examples of reasons why she might be doing it. And, miraculously, every single person (male) who’s commented has elected to use that as their focus to the total exclusion of the others. No one made the first reference to her trying to make a house note or put food on the table.
If you don’t understand why I get upset at that, then you don’t know me very well at all.
I’d address your other questions, but this post is not about those, and I’m not going to take my own thread off topic. I wish others would’ve respected me enough to proceed similarly.
Hmm. Not sure how I used drug addiction in my comments. I simply stated that hard luck stories are hard to believe nowadays because there are too many people using them; and often they are simply untrue. Regardless of whether the person is an addict, or simply trying to use the hard luck tale to get a few bucks. Even in my small city environment it is virtually impossible to walk the streets without be asked by someone for a handout and usually with some hard luck story to justify it. Granted, none of them are offering sexual services — or any other services for that matter — in return, but for me it anesthetizes my mind to the story.
I found the questions I posed relevant in regards to this discussion. The initial reaction of your readership was to be weary due to the assumption of drug addiction. You defended that as inappropriate to assume that a streetworker would be simply feeding an addiction. You got upset due to the assumption that the streetworker was an addict. I’ll believe you if you tell me that most streetworkers are not addicts, but I’m with Nixon… Trust but verify. What is the incidence of drug addiction among streetworkers? If you feel this is off topic, please humor us with some education. That would go farther to allay the misconceptions out there.
Why would I assume that she’s trying to earn money for an addiction? There’s public assistance to help someone pay for the mortgage or food on the table. There’s not public assistance to pay for addictions. If she has decided to sell herself out of need, then I would assume that she’s used other avenues to fulfill the first two needs, and then left herself to sell sex to cover addictions.
I think the focus has been placed on addictions following the discussion from the second poster. I decided to respond because I found the discussion interesting.
I was going to post this exact same sentiment. There are plenty of avenues of public assistance when times go bad. It’s pretty hard to exhaust those. Granted if you are living the high life, gov’t assistance is not going to cover a luxury living environment. But the statement of need was keeping the lights on, not living on Park Ave.
I think the reason more people would think she was lying than not is because if she viewed selling sex to keep the lights on as a last resort, I would assume she has exhausted all other means of obtaining money. Naturally, people are going to think if that’s the case, drugs must be involved somewhere. Welfare is pretty hard to exhaust if you are keeping your nose clean (so to speak.)
Now, if she didn’t view prostitution as a last resort, (i.e. she has decided to make this her employment) I wouldn’t expect her to mention the money problem in the first place. It would just be her job and I would make the determination to accept based on her (looks, dress, demeanor, etc.), not whether she “needed help.”
On top of that, I would wonder why she didn’t just use Craigslist instead of walking up to a total stranger.
Hmmmm I love that you’re making people think, interesting that the above comments seem to be from men and none from women, except maybe the first, I’ll remedy that now.
I love the *idea* of being a whore, I’ve written about it and talked with my lover about doing it, being one mans’ whore for him to do with what he pleases including offering me to other men, with my approval on each individual man however – so not strictly speaking whoring, I know!
I considered selling sex for money a few times in my life when money was next to gone but as a sexual abuse survivor it would be a last option for me in terms of my own mental health, I just don’t think it would end well for me emotionally if I was doing it purely for the money and felt I’d no other option, which is how I would feel.
If however I wasn’t doing it out of financial necessity, I would consider it for the experience of it, to see what it felt like to receive money in return for a sexual act of some sort. I want & like to experience new things sexually when I’m feeling powerful and strong and in control of the situation. If I’m not feeling in control then I don’t think the outcome would be a good one for me. That’s the crucial difference for me.
I have to pick up on one aspect of the post and that’s also been picked up on in the comments, that of people working the streets and addiction. I’ve worked in sexual health and addiction services in my country, which isn’t your side of the Atlantic, for nearly 20 years and my experience here is that the vast majority working the streets here are dealing with addictions, mostly alcohol and heroin. It has changed slightly with the economic downturn but remains generally the same, there’s also a significant number who’ve been trafficked from Africa, Asia & the former Eastern bloc countries and so are consequently here illegally, but they tend to work indoors under the control of others as opposed to the streets. The dynamics of street work have changed here enormously in the last 10 years.
Thanks for another fascinating post.
I find it interesting you had more men than women responding to this post.
Though I am an escort and have set rates, the right factors would certainly lead me to accepting that particular proposition with no qualms other than making sure we were discreet so I could return to the restaurant someday if I wanted to. As a youngster before entering sex work I would’ve done for the thrill and the money (and it would’ve gotten my little wheels turning on how I could make that happen again).
Would I approach a man so boldly? Not at this point in my life. I find I can get more money by playing on stereotypes and acting non-professional. Yes, I often treat random men as social experiments right now.
Though the stereotypes about sex workers irk me as an activist, they can often be twisted to work for me as a sex worker. Ironic, no?
XX
Though the stereotypes about sex workers irk me as an activist, they can often be twisted to work for me as a sex worker. Ironic, no?
Richly so.
Damn, why am I always in the wrong place. I’d love to be one of Amanda’s social experiments
Jek,
I’ll make sure to experiment on you next time we meet. ;)
London provided a great lab for me. God bless upscale London hotels.
XX
Solely from a moral standpoint (ignoring the legal threat, or the pricing structure stated etc) i would decline solely based on the notion that it was to pay a pending bill falling due. The suggestion that it’s a desperate attempt on her part to get the bills paid makes it all too possible in my mind that after giving me the blow job, she’ll spend the next 2 hours crying over what she needed to do to make money. I wouldn’t want to be a part of that.
That’s not to say that the girl with a website, advertising on forums and the like won’t be crying herself to sleep every night. But i can at least convince myself she’s doing it because she would rather be doing this as opposed to other things she could be doing to make money.
In other words, i would prefer, as much as is possible, to not be a part of any psychological torment that someone may go through in regards to paying her for sex.
The suggestion that it’s a desperate attempt on her part to get the bills paid makes it all too possible in my mind that after giving me the blow job, she’ll spend the next 2 hours crying over what she needed to do to make money. I wouldn’t want to be a part of that.
I suspected some guys would react that way, and I appreciate and respect that kind of viewpoint. Quite frankly, if I were a guy, I believe I’d feel exactly that way myself.
Thanks for your perspective, and for not devolving into a cynical analysis of whether or not she was lying.
And so we finally have a compassionate conclusion. It really doesn’t matter what the need is or even if the other “person” ( the sex of that named person is absolutely unimportant) is lying. The botttom line is… if a person approaches you with a need i.e. a request if you have the spare $ or even a portion of the spare $ GIVE IT. Your duty is to give, if its a lie , it will be taken care of. That’s out of your hands. Cal it Karma, true christian belief, or human generosity. You can use your wealth for happiness, or misery. If I was approached, I would wonder why, probably be complimented, and give whatever i could reasonably afford. I always have. I’m sure I’ve been ripped of by liars, or whatever. Doesn’t bother me. That’s for someone else to decide, not me. But i would be much happier having given at the request than paying for a “service”that could have potentially caused misery for her. IF I accept the traditional role of male dominant..don’t run off the rail yet let me finish…then that requires a also the role of protector which has been neglected or negated …then I need to protect. If that is not the role i assume but one of equal but maybe more fortunate… then that also requires that i share that fortune. Either way the end result is the same. Share, help. be generous when you can, apologize when you can’t and share your wealth when you can.
Nuff said.
Wow, all kinds of reactions to this topic. Over the past 20 years, I have lived in most of the major cities in the northeast, and people have approached me with all kinds of proposals. Many of those people were addicts — not that sex workers are addicts, but people who approach you for money can be.
One particular interaction came to mind when I read the hypo: I was headed home from work one night in Manhattan and a young woman approached me (kind of scruffy but probably would have cleaned up pretty well), vaguely proposed a transaction, and told me that she really needed the money. I am happily monogamous and not interested in a blow job, but she seemed forthright and maybe even confident, so instead of answering straight up, I offered to buy her coffee. We talked over coffee for ten or fifteen minutes. I had some money in my pocket, I gave it to her and wished her luck. It seemed like a good deal – the slice of life was worth more to me than a blow job. Maybe I make a better voyeur than I do a John.
I think I would react to the hypo in the same way. I’m not going to bite on the blow job, but there might be something interesting or provocative behind the offer, and I might be willing to help.
I am surprised, sadly so, that many people elected to analyze whether or not the woman as lying about her need for the money rather than focusing strictly on the specific construct of the scenario I presented. I guess that is to be expected since I didn’t qualify or limit it, but quite honestly it never occurred to me that I’d need to.
I guess it is an interesting study in perspective, though.
Well, Alexa, in many ways for me it was the part about “financial need” that bothered me the most in the scenario (because, as I said above, the likelihood of such a thing ever happening to me is less than minuscule). But I have certainly been offered those hard luck stories ad nauseum and they now tend to fall on deaf ears. That’s sad, I suppose, and I guess I could work on my compassion for others.
Not sure who said it above, but the idea of inviting this woman to have a conversation about her problems rather than a blow job might be a better way to handle the whole situation. But in honesty, if any reasonably attractive woman came up to me out of nowhere and started talking about sucking my dick, I’m not sure I’d have the composure to “do the right thing” — whatever that right thing might be.
This is really a tough one to sort out. I think in this context the woman saying its to keep the heat on sort of thing would turn me off more than anything and kill any sorta rush an attractive woman walking over and saying it sorta deal. I think I would first just offer to buy her a drink to at least chat a little and understand why she choose me and why the offer. I think these posts are great though because there are so many levels at which you can break this sorta thing down and explore and it really gets the mind thinking going okay well what if this what if that as you start to play out the scenes in your mind. I know I found myself thinking such things as what would she be wearing, would my answer change if shes a blonde or brunette or red head etc
You’ve gotten some great discussion going with this post!
I think you know what my answer would be. Yes, I would do it.
But I’m a broke ass bitch who thinks that prostitution is really just an exchange of goods and services without the pretense. I’ve gone on dates with guys where they’ve spent a good deal of money on drinks and dinner, and then had sex with them because it felt right, never intending to go out with them again. And isn’t it really just the same thing, without the forced pleasantries?
So, no hesitation from me here. I’d most definitely do it.
So Britni … what restaurant should I find you in?
Hey, if you’ve got the money, I’ve got the mouth and BJ skills! ;)
Ha! Really, I could no more bring myself to proposition a woman like that than I can imagine myself being propositioned. Seems I need to work on my confidence a bit, eh?
I’d feel a bit apprehensive, not about the act of exchanging sexual favors for money, but for my safety. I don’t know this person, and I’m not entirely sure of what they’re capable of. If I had no reason to feel threatened, then hell yes I would do it.
Also, another thing that comes to mind is health concerns. I worry more about sti’s than I ever would worry about giving someone a blowjob for money. It’s just a blowjob, after I’m done I’ll be $200 richer. To me it seems like a win/win
If you’re worried about STIs — use a condom, that’s what they’re for.
XX
I always find prostitution an interesting argument from an economics perspective. What would it take for me to get a blowjob for free? Probably a decent time investment, be it a few hours in a bar for a one night pickup, or a few weeks for a longer term relationship. There are probably a lot more hidden costs – buying drinks, hitting the gym to get the confidence to hit on women etc. So, ultimately it might be cheaper to lay down the 200 for a blowjob.
I’m a guy and I would feel uncomfortable with the notion that a woman is dire straits and that is why she wants to charge me for sex. Ironically, if she told me she would love to have sex with me for money, I’d be more inclined to pay her. Contradictory I know: if she doesn’t need the money, I’d be more likely to hire her.
Despite being an escort, the answer is no, I won’t do it. I would neither agree to the proposal nor approach the man. In addition to certain personal preferences (I’d always take penetration over a blow job), I came to realize what bothers me both in this, and all other stranger/whore scenarios.
In theory, I came to love the word “whore”. When it is used in conversations between sexually liberal people, it becomes sexy and decadent. But not so in real life. In real day-to-day situations, unless you take the time to sit down and talk to another person about it, you don’t know what their attitudes and prejudices are.
When a man responds to my ad, he gives me an insight into his personality. A stranger in any of the “whore” scenarios doesn’t. He may be sex positive and bold – or he may be an arrogant misogynist, and unless you can tell it by his vibe, you just can’t tell before you committed to . And I don’t want to spend any time with a man I don’t know at all and don’t trust – and I especially don’t want to be open and vulnerable as I always am during sex.
It’s also an interesting perspective that you raise about survival versus by-choice prostitution. I always felt they are very different and I’ve always seen them in a contrasting positive/negative light – but never as a reflection on the people engaged in survival sex. Rather, I viewed it with the same dismay as domestic abuse – a part of social makeup that brings a lot of suffering and should not exist. But the only thing I ever felt towards the participants is compassion and wish they find something better in their lives.
Since I’m a lesbian, I’ll pretend that the man is a woman asking me instead, ok. :) Honestly I’d have to say no, partly because in my mind the person asking has looked at me and based the question on the type of person that she assumes me to be. (I would also not consider it because if I want to have sex with someone I make it know and there does not need to be any cash exchange.) I would first off question my physical safety (does this person have other motives in mind once we are alone). Secondly I would question the safety of my sexual health (i.e. I can possibly get herpes from this sexual encounter). As far as how I would react, that would really vary on how the person asked. If the person approached me, started a conversation and then worked that question in then I would politely decline. If they approached me and asked me that within seconds of meeting me, I would probably tell them to go fuck off…
If I needed money immediately I believe that I have other options. I’m certainly pro sex work, but this is not the type of sex work that I would personally enjoy and I would have explored other options prior to my electricity/heat etc. being in jeopardy of being cut off.
Life’s too short.
If I had $200 to spend on oral sex and was attracted enough to the woman, why not.
It doesn’t matter to me what she would do with that $200. That’s not my concern. I would rather not know – as selfish as that sounds – because the sense of desperation would kill the fantasy. I’d be too concerned for her well-being and financial straits to enjoy the moment.
If that makes sense.
I wish I was approached for sex–paid or not–ever.
And I wish I had the guts to approach a woman like that.
God I wish I was having sex right now.
And I’ve paid for it in the past and would pay for it right now.
Desperation never sells. Ask any salesman. If you’re literally selling sex , don’t act desperate, it’s a turn-off (even if you are desperate). If you’re selling yourself (figuratively), i.e. hitting on the girl/guy at the bar because you like that person’s looks, don’t act desperate. If you’re selling your car, don’t act desperate. All it does is either 1) scare off the customer or 2) cause the other party to negotiate the price downwards. I know that’s not the question, but just a general response to some of the points raised (“need money for sex” versus “luxury prostitution”). Another point, since prostitution is illegal, a desperate woman “driven” to prostitution, might (in the guy’s mind) be also willing to do other illegal things, like rob the guy.
Oh shit Matt, now you’ve opened a whole NEW can of worms
Quite frankly boys, you’re all full of it. I’ve watched real hustlers at work and damsel-in-distress stories sell. They work. I’ve watched it in strip clubs, I’ve watched it online. I’ve yet to witness it in person like the scenario described here but I’ve no doubt it works.
The difference? A real pro knows how to play her trick. An amateur doesn’t. The amateur will fumble the conversation and her desperation will be a turn-off. The pro will have you tipping her an extra $100 after the blowjob.
Or…someone spins you another storyline completely. Or no story is used at all, but she knows how to sell the line and you’re hooked in 30 seconds.
Moralize all you want, that you’re reading and commenting on this blog means you’re intrigued. All that’s needed is the right person to close the deal with you. The groundwork is laid by Alexa (no pun intended) – and I bet a real pro would see every one of you as tricks and know exactly how to play you.
I’m just very, very amused.
XX
Interesting topic. I guess I don’t have a judgment on sex work so survival v. luxury is not something I differentiate by. We make choices to meet our own needs, and one person’s survival is another person’s luxury.
Now, if I were approached by a woman offering me a blowjob for $200, I would likely not accept that offer. I would be polite, but I am not interested in a $200 blowjob. There are lots of places to get a blowjob for free. So for me, the offer would have to be something else. Not sure what to tell you it would have to be, but a blowjob isn’t enough of an enticement.
The first thing that came to mind when I thought about her saying that she was only doing this because she needed the cash, was that now I can haggle on price. I know that might be seen as a dirt-baggish response, honestly it is the first thing I thought of. I guess I am a capitalist at heart.
On the other hand, knowing myself, I am more likely to say to her that there are other options for money than selling sex. Again, not because I have a judgment that selling sex is bad, but because I imagine that if she were feeling the need to defend herself by explaining that it is for survival, SHE has judgments on her activities. And, if she has judgments, then perhaps this is not the best course of action for her. Perhaps there are other options.
Keep the great scenarios coming.
re: Amanda
A real pro also recognizes when a person can’t be played or, in your view I’m guessing, isn’t worth the trouble..
I’d probably have the same suspicious reaction to a sob story rather than a straight proposition – though the test for the sob story would be to offer to give the woman help with the problem rather than money, and see what her reaction is.
If you’re a guy, eating in that same restaurant, and a woman you found reasonably attractive approached you and said she’d blow you in the bathroom or your car for $200, how would you react?
probably I’d do a spit-take.
How would it make you feel that she approached you and offered to begin with?
I’d be bemused.
My wife, not so much.
Would it make a difference if she stated that she really needed the money lest she have her electricity turned off?
No – I’d probably go the (kind of) Christian route – stand up and say to the crowd “Attention! The lady here needs some cash to keep her electricity on – if we all kick in $20 we can do two good things – We can keep her lights and heat on and we tip the waiter at the same time!”
An alternative approach –
I’d offer to paypal (some of) the money to her utility account from my iPhone and forego the blowjob.
Sorry being late to the thread.
Interesting comments, and most of my thoughts on the hypotheticals have already been addressed.
But one add-on to Matt’s comment about desperation. My initial impulse is to side with Matt on this, in the sense that a lady who comes across as confident and successful tends to be more attractive to me. But Amanda should know. :) But whichever of them is right, there’s still something about her explaining WHY she needs the cash that bothers me. That is, it might work on me but still annoy me a bit.
It’s the mixture of business and charity.
If it’s a business proposition, the relevant factor is whether I would value what I receive in the exchange as much or more than what I give in the exchange. Her reasons for needing the money aren’t a justification for it as a business proposition — they’re an attempt to influence my charitable impulses.
Mixing business and charity that way may work in P4P — I’ll take Amanda’s word for it, I guess, and certainly I’ve seen a lot of such attempts by the ladies over the years. But it’s relatively rare in other business settings, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I encounter it. Even if it works. :) Unless it works so effectively I don’t even notice it. :)
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With respect to the original question, I’m not sure how I would react. It would depend on so many factors that it’s hard to predict. Under some circumstances — possibly. Assuming that she’s also polite/personable in making the offer, even if I declined, I wouldn’t be offended. Unless I was with my wife. :)
But I probably would be curious about why she approached ME instead of some other guy in the restaurant. Not a suspicious curiosity necessarily, and not because there’s any reason she shouldn’t approach me, but I would wonder. If she’s in that situation, and decides she wants to make that offer to someone, how did she go about deciding whom to approach? Do I look for some reason as though I would be receptive to the offer? Or at least not be angry or offended by it (as some people might)? How did she choose? I would be intrigued by her thought process in carrying that out. As well as whether she came to the restaurant with the intent to ask someone — why there? — or whether it was a spur-of-the-moment decision, and if the latter, what triggered it.
Of course, if I noticed her going up to a lot of different guys making the same offer . . . I wouldn’t be curious about why she approached me as well, but I suspect I would be less likely to take the offer. Part of the attraction and one factor influencing me to say yes might be that she singled me out. Even though rationally I know it’s probably random and meaningless, or even negative if she thought that I looked gullible :) , it’s still nice to be singled out, isn’t it?
I have had that happen to me on more than one occasion in my 40s when I was recently divorced and was out frequently. If I knew the lady and found her attractive, I said yes. If I did know her, but wasn’t interested and knew her financial situation, I just gave her the money. If I did not know her, I turned her down without any hesitation whatsoever.