A conversation I had with someone online this morning prompted me to write this short little post. It’s about being a whore. Not so much from the literal “getting paid to fuck” sense as the broader context in which we attach certain meanings to the word itself in our society.
This post is directed specifically at my female readers. The site stats suggest that more than half my readers are in fact female, so I know there’s a bunch of you out there. This is meant to make you think, to fantasize, for a minute.
These questions can have two different meanings, depending on whether you actually sell sexual services or not. Evaluate and answer them in whichever context you wish if you’re a sex worker, since the reactions are by no means a given in either case.
Here’s the basic premise: You’re going out on a date with a guy you’ve been lusting after for a while now. You think he’s really hot, you believe he feels the same way about you. He’s dressed up, you’re dressed to the nines, really feeling hot about how you’re looking and all that. You sense that there’s a lot of sexual energy going on between the two of you as you get started with your evening.
Given those parameters, consider the following scenarios:
Scenario 1: As you go about the evening, just the two of you, he introduces you to random people (the servers at a restaurant, clerks at stores, etc.) as a “whore,” matter of factly (in a non-pejorative sense) without explanation.
Scenario 2: This time you’re going out with a group of his friends. You’ve never met these people, and will likely never see them again. He introduces you to them as his “whore” for the evening, just as in scenario one.
Scenario 3: Now you’re going out with a group of your friends and acquaintances, people you’ve known, work with, etc. He refers to you throughout the gathering as his “whore,” again just as in the first scenario.
How would you feel in each of these instances? Some will be embarrassed to tears in all three; some might find it strangely erotic in all three, and still others might have a combination of reactions depending upon the audience.
If you assumed you and the guy are really hitting it off and the evening is sexually charged, you may get off on having everyone think you’re a whore in one or more of those scenarios. Or you may find it to be an immediate date-ender regardless of how you’re feeling or why he’s doing it, especially if he didn’t bother to discuss it with you at the outset. For some, the answer will be cut and dry. For others, not so much. There may be ambiguity depending upon how he presents it, how the people react, and so forth.
The reason I ask this is because a great many women fantasize about being paid for sex (whether many of you would admit it or not is fodder for a different conversation). Many of those won’t couch it in the “whore fantasy,” but many others will. There’s an allure for some women of being desirable enough that people will pay you to fuck them.
I constructed the scenarios just so you’d have some material that would cause you to think outside the box; the “paid for sex” fantasies are typically built in. Many don’t think too much about the fantasy of being a whore in private, being paid for the lay, and then departing. But what happens if you force that into a public setting, where other people see you as a hooker? If those two are different to you, give some thought as to why that is.
You don’t need to post your answers or comment on this if you don’t want to – it was merely an exercise to get you to think for a few minutes. Obviously, you’re welcome to share your thoughts if you’d like, either about your reaction to the scenarios above or the entire basis for this post.
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
That could be one of the most thought-provoking pop-quizzes I’ve seen in a while. ;)
Before I answer, though, I have to ask if the man in question would be referring to me as “a whore” or “my whore.”
For some, it may not make any difference at all, but I think the nuance could be a decision-maker.
You’re welcome to interpret it either way, Adiel.
Hmm. Well, okay…I’ll start from the beginning. I have to say, the basic premise had me grinning from the start. I’m hot, he’s hot, we’re hot on each other. By all means, sign me up, right?
Now, if he were going around saying, “This is Adiel–she’s a whore,” I have to say I’d mostly just be a little confused. Not necessarily a dealbreaker, but I’d have some questions and it would likely give me pause.
Anyway, so I’m going with…this hot man is running around saying I’m his whore. That’s a horse of a different color. Game on. Regardless of the scenario, I think it would be a turn-on. In fact, playing the part in public would just add to the seductiveness of it all–and I can only imagine I’d have a good time playing it.
A man doesn’t call a woman his whore without thinking sex, so I figure I’d be guaranteed a lively encounter after (the public part of) our date. And with that in the back of my mind, the whole evening would be one long foreplay session.
By all accounts, it sounds like a plan.
Now, are we all to pretend we know what your answers would be…or will you be regaling us with them at a later date? ;)
“A” whore? *buzzer sounds: ehhnn!* Next contestant. He’s an ass. And far below my level. “My” whore? Oh, yeah.
Stipulation: I must be in on it, altho it would be hottest for me to join in the game AFTER the first time he calls me his whore. Definitely. This is going to be one hot night, and a kick to boot.
Point of fact: my fave T-shirt to wear in high school had very tiny lettering just above my left breast. You had to squint to see it: “promiscuous.” This was way back in the olden days (that’s the 70s & 80s, ladies) when no one did that. In fact, I was not promiscuous — I didn’t even have sex till I was 16 or 17 — but I was free, my own woman, and I wanted to see how free and breezy others were. They weren’t. (I also wanted to see who could pronounce the word and who knew what it meant; it was a terribly backward time. LOL)
I’m not the one-night-stand sort of girl for the most part. No judgment; I’m just not. But I make exceptions, and in this scenario, I am so down with being this man’s whore. In fact, I’m up for all three nights. I mean, I want to see all the reactions, don’t I? Extra credit: Make this man and his friends in their early twenties. I want to break into cougar whoredom. Whole new fun game!
Awesome question, Alexa.
Is it alright for a guy to comment here? I swear I’ll keep it germane. I dated a woman once who told me her hottest fantasy was what you describe, the whore fantasy. But it was a very specific derivative.
In her fantasy, she was the personal whore of a very wealthy man — she had no other client — who had paid for her home. Like he held the note. And to earn her home each month, this man would pick her up in a super-stretch limousine and they would drive around the city while she fucked and sucked three other guys as her patron watched.
Now, we had a fun time arguing if in fact there was enough space inside a limo for just such activity (I’ve never been in a stretch, actually.) But it told me a lot about that type of fantasy. Essentially, my lover wanted the sexual aspect of being a hooker — fucking for money, fucking strange men, being a provider of male pleasure and wanted for it. But she also wanted to have something to blame it on. To have no choice but to do it. I’m wondering if this is a common component of the prostitute fantasy genre.
Is it alright for a guy to comment here?
It is perfectly fine for guys to comment, sure.
As a submissive that is referred to as “my whore” often by my Master, in public, no less, it wouldn’t bother me in the least. In fact, I find it to be an incredible turn on.
But I am the exception, not the rule. :)
Personally, I dislike being called a whore, even in bed. This particular fantasy doesn’t appeal to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat! LOL
Interesting to contrast your dislike for it with Britni’s opposite reaction, no?
It’s a great question. Though…I get all serious about it. Sorry. :)
The issue I see (not directed at anyone here) is that some women who like to fantasize about this are also the first to get offended if it’s ever suggested they “be” a whore. Or they’re the first to castigate women like Alexa, myself or Kristen (of Spitzer fame). This is an issue of self-honesty but it certainly affects those of us who are really whores (in whatever sense you like to use the word).
Many women are like this. The fantasy disturbs them (along with all the usual stereotypes they think goes with the fantasy) and they react badly to the real whores. And I see some of this carried into currently-working escorts — they can’t really believe they’re doing it (and liking it), so go to great lengths to seperate themselves from what they believe are the “dirty” whores while they are something different and precious and non-whore. Some of this may have to do with the Madonna/Whore issues this entire society has, which some of us internalize.
As to Alexa’s actual questions…no, I’ve never had the experience. My whore fantasies center around different issues. It would be an interesting experiment though!
XX
This is my view for these scenarios which not *not* involve providers, just a regular date with a guy you found extremely attractive which is what the main setup of the OP was about. BTW, I’m a practitioner of BDSM so my views generally stem from that.
I think most of the women who have submissive tendencies generally like being called a whore. But as far as a first date kind of thing, it seems to me the 3 scenarios you outline would have different outcomes depending on their level if submissiveness.
In #1, I think *these* are the people you’re most likely never going to see again, so I think it would be more acceptable here to have the word “whore” being thrown around. And service industry workers have pretty much seen it all anyway, so it probably wouldn’t faze them. If it was just he industry people that heard it, I think you’d be okay, but I doubt you’d get away with it if other patrons heard you. Although this would depend on the place of course.
In #2 you state that “you will never see them again.” But who would know this at the outset? I seriously doubt any woman would feel comfortable here unless she a) didn’t care what everyone thought or b) trusted the man enough on the first date to take control like that. (EXTREMELY rare, that) If it was at a BDSM-themed outing, obviously this would allow a bit more leeway. But I have still rarely come across women who will let you call them a whore right off the bat even in this situation. You may want to post this thread on the BDSM sites and see what you come up with. I’d be interested to know the responses there.
In #3, it seems that unless *everyone* in the place knew you were extremely sex-positive, I would not expect this to be acceptable at all. It is not anyone’s place to “out” anyone like that without one’s permission.
Overall, I think it would be a rarity to find a woman who would find it acceptable in any of the 3 scenarios. After dating a while, perhaps. But on the first date? Not likely.
To me this is a big no-no. The word has been used so much to denigrate any woman (whether or not she was selling sex) who dared to step out of what she was supposed to be (docile and subservient), I myself would not be comfortable if this word was used by anybody else but me to describe who I was.
If he’d introduced me like that in a context where the job is somehow relevant and he’d also introduce himself as whatever he’s doing- it would be okay if he referred to me as a “sexworker”, because whore has almost always been used in a very negative and degrading manner. Otherwise, it would be an absolute date-ender since he totally ignored my wishes for discreetness. Also, if he tells anyone i’m “his” whore, immediate date-end with a slap in the face.
I had to have a think about this one… Interesting three scenarios, but a few minor differences could change everything.
I know for sure that a new man who does not know my friends should not be calling me “whore” in front of them (although my friends are liberated people and would be OK with it, as long as I’m OK with it). I think that doing so presumes way too much.
Him calling me “whore” in front of his friends is definitely a turn-on. Being paraded as his property, like a newly acquired luxury item, would make me feel desirable and sexy (as long as it’s not done pejoratively).
Being called a whore in front of strangers could be hot, but he has to ask my consent first. He needs to make sure that I’m OK with being seen as a whore in public. This is a consent issue, rather than an issue I have with the word itself. I would need for him to ascertain that I’m OK with being “unmasked” as a whore in public (as opposed to in a relatively insular dynamic of a group). Since I do actually find this kind of a cool scenario, I would probably give consent- but it’s important that he asks.
I’m one of those women who has a fantasy of being paid for sex, but I would be tempted to slap the guy in each of these scenarios.
First though, my friends are a fairly conservative set, so if my date was the type to call me a whore in public then we would not be hanging out with my friends.
Funnily enough, I actually like the idea of introducing myself as his whore to strangers or to his set of friends, but I don’t want him introducing me as that. Maybe it’s my inner feminist? I don’t know.
Of course, in my fantasy of being paid, the secrecy of it plays a big part in what gets me hot. I doubt I’ll ever find out, though.
gosh I nearly missed this one. Right now I’d have to say that if a guy called me a whore in public I don’t think I’d be too happy. I am at the start of getting my head around using language in this way. I have the conflict of actually really wanting to be submissive as it’s a complete turn on but being called a ‘whore’, ‘bitch’, ’slut’ etc because in real life it makes me angry. However if I found the right guy and he played it right I would get a complete thrill from being called a ‘whore’, ’slut’ whatever in the bedroom. Outside of this situation I wouldn’t like it. I do actually like the idea of it being secret. A lot of people think I’m this sweet and innocent thing I love the idea of being ‘that dirty little slut’ with him behind closed doors.
I do evolve though so those ideas may change.
I don’t think I’d like this in any scenario. I might tolerate/come around to it in the first scenario, less so in the second, and definitely not in the third.
Ironically, I enjoy being called a whore or slut when I’m doing things I don’t consider slutty, which is most of my sexual experience. However, I’ve thought about being called it in scenarios where I do feel kind of whory, and I think it would bother me/hit too close to home and I could even become emotional about it.
First date? Definite deal breaker in any scenario.
Not first date, depends on the mood I’m in for the general strangers. Depends on the reaction of his friends for the second instance. And well, in the third, I wouldn’t have a chance to care, my friends would more than likely slap him before he got the word all the way out, but they are just touchy about that stuff.
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