GFE vs PSE

The hot thing in the escort business these days is the “girlfriend experience,” or GFE, as it is known.  When you examine most ads and web sites run by escorts these days, almost invariably you’ll see them claim to offer the GFE.  As with many terms in this business, though, the specifics as to what constitutes a GFE are quite subjective.

Almost everyone agrees that French kissing, cuddling, and soft intimate moments are included.  On the other end, some insist anal sex must be on the menu for it to be a true GFE, while others do not.  Some believe that CIM (cumming in her mouth) should be a part of it, while others don’t think it’s required to be a true GFE.  At its core, though, a GFE is designed to be more than about just the sex, but rather a “getting to know one another” kind of deal where there’s more to it for the client than just a hole to fuck.

The corollary to the GFE is the “porn star experience,” or PSE, a concept similarly hard to pin down.  In a recent post, I asked you guys what came to mind when you were asked what “porn star experience” means.  There was general consensus that a PSE includes more aggressive sex, and that it should include anal sex.  Others said facials had to be on the menu, and some suggested that anything and everything should be included (without defining what that meant).  But there was still quite a gap among everyone about what, if any, specific acts needed to be present for it to be considered a true PSE.

So, while there’s some general agreement as to what is involved with each, there’s also a great deal of disagreement.  The truth is, even within the escort industry, the terms are hard to define.  Rebecca Dakin, who has a new book out about her experiences as a British escort, The Girlfriend Experience, even has a tough time pinning it down.  In a chapter entitled “The Girlfriend Experience,” she makes the assertion that:

There are also the very sought-after ladies who have the ability to switch between both – allegedly giving a GFE in public, and a PSE behind closed doors.  I personally think there’s no such thing, as the two things contradict each other. Girls offering a PSE generally don’t kiss, and I can’t imagine any boyfriend, no matter how much he loved wild sex, would find that acceptable.  And surely guys would want real moaning and groaning, not the fake groans associated with the ‘Porn Star Experience’?  So, when guys say the lady offers a GFE/PSE combination, they actually mean it’s a raunchy GFE – I suppose like having a girlfriend who’s a nymph, and who genuinely enjoys sex.  [Emphasis added]

So, in her eyes, a PSE is basically the mimicking of the creation of a porn scene – no kissing, fake moaning and groaning and all of that.  Nothing could be further from the truth for most of us, and the two concepts certainly aren’t mutually exclusive.   I’d be surprised that she said that, but with much of the other experience she’s related in the book, the naivety there is about par for the course for her (And I’m not saying she’s dense or anything, just that she comes across as quite naive in the way she allows herself to be sucked in by clients and the like [something she repeatedly admits], and she’s never been a PSE provider, so she just doesn’t know what it’s really all about).

Not only do I firmly believe that an escort can provide a combination GFE/PSE experience, I believe I am quite good at it.  I prefer doing PSE, but even during those kinds of sessions, I French kiss (quite vigorously, in fact).  And while I’ve been known to do some fake moans and groans, it’s rare, and more often designed to get my client into it than to create a scene or set a mood.

I have my own personal take on what a PSE ought to involve:

• Very aggressive, rougher flavors of sex
• Spanking (not light taps, but full-on, open handed ass smacking)
• Possibly rimming (both ways)
• Greek (if you don’t do Greek, you can’t claim to be a PSE provider, in my learned opinion)
• Face/throat fucking (not vanilla oral sex, but serious, active penetration of the oral cavity)
• Facial ejaculations

Not that you should necessarily do all of those in any one session, but they should be available if the client wants them.

A lot more women my age who’re getting into the escort business actually want to learn to do PSE, or at least, the “raunchy girlfriend,” as Rebecca refers to it.  I’ve actually had several conversations with other providers who complain that their clients won’t engage them very actively sexually – the clients prefer to make love, rather than fuck.  You might find that a bit surprising if you’re not familiar with the dynamics of the typical escort client. The average client of an escort is in his 40s or 50s, and these guys weren’t raised on the kind of porn you see today.

It’s the rare 45-year-old who’ll want very physical sex – he often wants the tenderness, the snuggling, the intimacy he doesn’t get at home any longer.  They’re not interested in just sex as the stereotype might suggest.  These kinds of clients aren’t looking for the porn star treatment, but someone who will interact with them on the same kind of level as a true girlfriend would.  Rebecca’s life is centered around providing the true, deep connection of a girlfriend (she prefers overnight appointments with her clients), and this probably helps explain her lack of understanding about what PSE is all about.

Contrast this with my clients who’re in their 20s and 30s, though.  These guys tend to be fairly heavy consumers of porn – today’s porn, with all of its hair-grabbing, body-restraining, slapping, spitting, spanking, and of course, the ubiquitous facial cum shot.  Oh, and of course, the pounding anal sex.  I see a lot of escorts who refuse to see younger men (though that is generally because they know men that age generally lack the maturity and life experience to know how to really treat a lady nicely), and therefore many of them just don’t come across clients who are really familiar with this flavor of sex.

Many of the women who’re entering escort work these days have been raised on that same porn, and they have some interest in trying many things they’ve seen in it as well.  But they are often hesitant to bring it up, generally because the encounter is for the client, not the escort.  That, and they often don’t want to be seen as, well, sluts.  One well-known, high-end escort lamented to me in an e-mail that she was tired of being made love to so often, and wanted someone to just take her and do her.  Respectfully, of course. 

The clients are almost universally afraid to ask the escorts if they can fuck them, if they even desire that (and many don’t).  Some have an interest in it, but have been told that the way women are treated in porn is “bad” or misogynistic, so they’re just too afraid to even ask for it, for fear of being shot down or being seen as a bad client (which makes the rest of the appointment just a touch awkward, even if the message is conveyed nicely).

To be honest, many providers would like to explore more aggressive sex with their clients, but doing so with someone new is quite the risky proposition.  There’s little, if any, basis for the kind of trust it takes to allow someone to fuck your face roughly, or to trust him to know how to swat your ass without overdoing it.

Most, if not all, of my clients will tell you I can easily transition between a girlfriend in public (or in the bedroom, for that matter), and a porn star.  I can be just as tender, as loving, as intimate as the the next woman.  If that’s what you prefer, then that’s what you’ll get.  But I can also turn on a dime and become your favorite porn star.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I think I could out-fuck Sasha Grey.  That’s quite a claim, I realize, and I lack the guts to actually prove it, at least on video.  But I’ve not seen her do anything I can’t or wouldn’t do (with the exception of allowing myself to be punched with a closed fist!).

My advice to the clients out there is to ask your provider if she’s willing to expand the boundaries a bit.  Normally, I’d suggest this wasn’t advisable at a new meeting, but given the nature of the discussions I’ve had with some escorts, I won’t constrain it like that.  If there’s a sufficient level of trust built during the appointment, she might be willing to explore a bit.  I do know if you don’t ask, she’s not going to volunteer it.  If she’s a professional, she’s not going to get bent out of shape for you asking the question.  The worst that could happen is that she says no.  You just have to agree on the front end what the specific boundaries are going to be, and then stick to them – make sure you earn her trust.

If you’re a provider, at least in the United States, it’s a bit more complicated to let your clients know that you’re interested in exploring these avenues.  Mentioning that you do “PSE” on a web site here is tantamount to advertising sexual services, which, of course, is a big no-no.  The best thing to do is perhaps talking to your clients about their interests in the sexual arena (if your relationship progresses to that point) and you develop a certain level of trust with them.  See if they have an interest in the more aggressive sex – especially with younger clients, though some of the older guys want to play with that as well.   Give it a shot and see what happens.

Regardless, in the case of both parties, just as it is within typical private relationships, communication is the key. Both of you need to understand what you mean when you say “PSE” (or “GFE” for that matter).

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Tagged as: anal sex, CIM, clients, face fucking, facial, gfe, providers, pse, rimming