I love sharing the occasional story from my readers with the rest of you, especially when it comes from someone who says that I’ve helped them in some way. The knowledge that I’ve opened someone’s eyes to possibilities in the sexual realm is probably more heartwarming to me than anything else I do.
Such is the case with a woman named Dabria, who’s read of my love of being slapped by a partner when they’re fucking me. She e-mailed me yesterday about her decision to allow her partner to slap her and how she reacted to it.
Impact play involving the face, as I pointed out a couple of days ago, is quite a powerful, intimate experience, and it is often times hard for someone to get to the point where they’re comfortable giving it a shot. Some never reach that level (if they desire to), but some will fight through obstacles to get to the point where they want to play with it. When they do, they often experience a catharsis they hadn’t anticipated.
Such is the case with Dabria.
The reason I share these kinds of things with you is because I know there are a great many of you out there who’d like to play with some of this stuff. And rather than just asking you to take my word for it, allowing you to see that there are others who wrestle with it helps you to know that you’re not alone, and gives you some insight into how others deal with it. That is often just as educational as anything I can say to you.
I found Dabria’s e-mail compelling, and thought I’d share it with you, with her permission, of course.
I have been following your blog for a little while now and I must say that it has been quite a virtual learning experience! I would like to specifically target the concept of face slapping. For a very long time I would never allow anyone to touch my face in a manner other than a caress. I am not clear on why that is, other than the fact that you pointed out about it being a very personal space. But recently after reading your blogs and giving it a bit of time to simmer in my brain, I allowed someone to slap me in the face during sex.
When I asked my guy to do it, he looked at me like I was crazy and then queried whether or not I was certain. I could understand his reluctance as I am one of those people who will react less than cordially should you strike me in face (i.e. I slap back and then it is a fight). I assured him it would be fine as it was something I wanted to try.
So there we were doing our favorite thing which is the whole blow job to face fucking momentum when I said do it. And I want to say that it was thrilling at first, but initially my knee jerk reaction took over and my hackles were raised yet I breathed through it. Like when you first have anal intercourse and it hurts like hell but you press forward because you feel there is something more than this initial reaction. He did it again and used some select language that I find more than a little arousing. And it hit! That strange sensation of surrender and satisfaction.It tingled everywhere from my cheek right down to my clit!!!! I wanted him to do it again! Needless to say his slapping my face brought us closer together that night in a very strange way. Our trust was increased. I felt…safe.
As a person who lives with some pretty serious trust issues (abandoned as a child, untreated bi-polar mother blah blah blah), I cannot tell you how happy it made me. He can touch my face now and I do not flinch. He can strike me in the face and I am not afraid. For me that is huge! So this is a little thank you for helping me over come this barrier. It was the well written and insightful direction of your blogs that assisted me in taking this step.
I want to wish you good luck in your studies and in your future business ventures. Do not just think of your work as educating people to break down sexual barriers, but breaking through all kinds of personal emotional barriers. Once we step through those walls that keep us from being free sexually, we might be surprised on how many levels our minds open to other things.
Thank you again and good luck.
Dabria
Thank you for sharing your experience, Dabria. 
- Getting Started with Slapping During Sex Following the posting of Dabria’s experience with face slapping during...
- A Reader Explores Rough Sex, Sort Of As most of you know, I’ve gotten a lot of...
- The Face as Personal Space Ron, one of my future clients, made a comment on...
- A Couple of My Readers Enjoy a Good Face Fuck As you guys know, I really enjoy it when my...
Email This
Print This
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
that’s awesome….
Amazing! Inspirational and empowering.
To me this creates a slippery slope toward physical abuse (e.g., wife beating). I don’t think I could do this (though I might be willing to be on the receiving end).
Just curious, how familiar are you with BDSM in general? And why do you see it in this way?
I am asking because your comment on slippery slope is typical of people completely ignorant of ethical principles embedded in consensual BDSM. Similar argument is often used for prostitution in general: for example, I’ve often heard the line of “what’s next… should we decriminalize child abuse/some other crime as well?”
To me, the lines are cast in stone, and I am just wondering what are the best approaches on explaining the difference to people. But to do so, I need to better understand where you are coming from first.
Well, to be perfectly honest, I am not terribly experienced at it, although I am intrigued by it. (I’m a male who would be willing to try it as a sub to a Dom female… To me, that seems safer, and far more erotic, BTW.) My view may be a bit slanted on this subject because of what I do for a living: I’m a midwestern lawyer who winds up representing more than my share of abused women against their abusive partners. Hence my concern. Safe words aside, how can you really trust the asshole?
Bill October 1, 2009 at 9:45 am
Safe words aside, how can you really trust the asshole?
Two words “Who Knows”
I understand your concern and I would not allow just anyone to slap me. My guy and I share a very special relationship. One that has been through hell and back, I trust him implicitly.
You ask how can I trust him? Do you go to sleep every night with the same person?Sleep ,which is a very vulnerable position to be in as someone could do anything to you, yet you still do it. Do you get on a plane with 300 strangers and someone you do not know flying the plane?Hell they could be hammered or high, yet you fly in a plane.Regardless of the answer it is the continued interaction with this person that establishes the trust. The pilot flies so many flights with no issues, therefore the airline company can count on him to get us to our destination safely. You lie down in a bed every night, exposing yourself to a weakness and you fully expect to get up in the morning because it has occurred repeatedly without incident.
I love my guy, we have a sacred trust with each other to explore this part of our sexuality together. We take care of each other. I would not hurt him for all the world and I know he would never hurt me. He has proven to me time and again by recognizing the use of my safe word and continual communication that he is trust worthy.
Before you ask, I have been in abusive relationship. It was long before I discovered the BDSM lifestyle. Someone I trusted struck me many times in the face, on just the one occasion.He attacked me in the middle of an argument because I threw a baseball hat at him. I did not strike him back because I knew the my actions would bring serious repercussions (as in long term jail time).He suffered from epilepsy and had I struck him in the head, I would have thrown him into a grand mal seizure potentially killing him.
After it was said and done, he said he was sorry. All I said was that I would never trust him ever again. Nothing he said could be believed and nothing he did could be trusted. I left him.
There is no guarantee Bill. There is no fool proof plan that the person you are participating with is playing with a full deck of cards. But if the person you are with proves themselves over and over again. I feel that it is a pretty good bet. How you handle it, is entirely up to you.
Hope this clarifies why I crossed this bridge. I refuse to allow my one experience to jade me from trying something that can be amazing. I am glad I took the leap.
My personal experience with face slapping came about when my fiance expressed a desire to be choked while we had sex and, after initial misgivings, I complied. Seeing that he was so aroused by being asphyxiated, I asked him to try it on me. He put his hand around my throat just tight enough to make me gasp a bit, and right when I was getting comfortable with it, he did something completely unprecedented.
He slapped me full across the face.
At that point, 2 things happened:
1) Instead of feeling pain or fear, as I would expect from being hit, I was flooded with desire. The shock of it was somehow devastatingly erotic.
2) My fiance came instantly, for what seemed like forever, and was incoherent for several more moments afterwards.
So my advice is, try it, gently at first and if you like it, do it harder. Just like any other sexual act, I suppose. ^-^
{ 1 trackback }