And there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen or heard people who’ve been discussing anal sex talk about being afraid to do it because they “might get shit on my/his cock.” So fucking what? Just wipe it off and go on with life. Shit is not acidic and it won’t burn your cock off (Well, unless you’ve been eating some really weird food from Mexico, perhaps). As long as you’re not going to put it in your mouth when it comes out of your ass, then so what if it has a bit of shiznit on it?1
Generally speaking, if you don’t feel as though you need to go to the bathroom, there’s nothing in the rectum, so pushing a penis (butt plug, or anything else) in there isn’t likely to cause you any grief. That’s not to say there may not be some traces of fecal matter that may come out on the cock, but it’ll just be tiny particles or some brown liquid. Have some baby wipes or a wet bath cloth handy just in case. When it comes out, wipe it off, and get on about your business.
Now, if you’re going to be doing porn star anal sex – you know, the really deep penetration, pounding, hard core anal fucking – then you may need to take some additional steps. This is particularly true if it involves a longer cock – say, 6 or 7 inches or more. The rectum has several valves in it that separate it from the sigmoid colon. Once you penetrate the rectum past these valves, you will encounter some stool. 2 If you use an enema beforehand, it’ll clean much of that out and you won’t have to worry about it, though. Problem solved. That’s not very conducive to spontaneity, but if you have a feeling you might be on the receiving end of a really good butt fucking, take that extra step, okay? 
Obviously, if you don’t want to go to the trouble of using an enema, or find yourself in a situation where it isn’t practical, then just know that the cock will likely have a good bit of fecal matter on it when you withdraw it, and have something handy to clean up with.
And of course, there’s always the option of a condom. If you get shit on the condom, take it off, wrap it up and throw it away. Voila!
The same thing is true with facials, as well, by the way. Or cumming anywhere else on a partner’s body. It’s just cum. It won’t kill you to get it on you. In fact, you’re more likely to die from choking on it if you swallow it. 
If you get into the rougher flavors of face or throat fucking, there’s going to be a lot of thick mucous and saliva coming out of your mouth as well. Just put a pad under you and let it drip/drain out (You probably don’t want to wear any clothing, either). Some guys like that kind of thing anyway (the visual aspect of it, anyway), and if you keep spitting it out, it inhibits your ability to take the cock as deep as you otherwise would.
And of course the same is true for pee play, though since there’s typically more volume involved this is probably best reserved for the shower. Or, if you have a small kiddie pool, then you can use that as well. It’s just urine, and urine is sterile when it leaves the body (unless you have a UTI or bladder infection). There’s nothing wrong with getting a bit of pee on your body or in your mouth (many survival guides tell you you can drink urine if there’s no potable water available). You probably shouldn’t get urine in the vagina, since the pH of urine is significantly different than cunt juice – you don’t want to throw that out of kilter. Having a guy piss in your ass is not a problem, either, generally speaking (a really strong stream might damage the inner wall of your rectum, but getting that kind of stream would be difficult with an erect/semi-erect cock).
I know some people have an aversion to being icky, but folks, it’s SEX. There’s nothing wrong with getting down and dirty when it comes to fucking. I can understand it if you’re in a car, a friend’s house/bed, in the hallway of your office building, or a seat in a Ferris wheel or something. You don’t want to have to deal with the hassle of a major clean up operation, or get bodily fluids where someone else is likely to be exposed to them.
But if you’re in the privacy of your own home, make some arrangements (i.e., towels, protective sheets, etc.) and just let go. Fuck like you mean it and if you get cum, or a little bit of pee or shit on something, clean it up, wash your non-expendables, and go on with life. Worrying about what you’re getting on you just inhibits your ability to fully enjoy the sex.
There’s a famous quote from Groucho Marx who, when asked by a reported, “Do you think sex is dirty?” replied, “Only if you’re doing it right.” I agree. 
I have to encourage my clients on this occasionally as well, by the way. When they’re fucking my cunt or ass, they’re in a condom, of course, so there’s generally not an issue there. But many of them like to give me facials from time to time, or cum on my boobs, ass, or some other part of my body. I’m like, “Just let the cum go where it’s going to go.” I know some girls don’t like it when they get it in their hair, or their eyes, up their noses, etc. But I just want the client to enjoy himself – blast your load wherever you want it to go and that’s fine with me. I’ll deal with it and clean myself up when we’re done. I don’t want him having to hold back or worry about where his load’s going to and have that inhibit his fantasy or his performance to any extent.
I do often wonder what the housecleaning staff thinks when they go into some rooms after we’re done, though. I’ve had clients hit the headboards, chair backs, curtains, mirrors, windows/glass doors, table tops, and just about every other flat surface with semen. And of course, that includes bedspreads and sheets. I sure hope they actually do change bed spreads after each guest leaves. 
Let me close this by reminding you that, if you’re not fluid-bonded to your partner, or not 100% positive they’re disease-free, you should be using safe-sex practices anyway (condoms, etc.), and fluid exchange shouldn’t even be a problem for you. Umkay?
So, be safe, and let the cum fly where it may. 
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Wow, you are a real no-holes barred and no taboos lady and you sure tell it like it is. One question please (and this is true ignorance on my part). You’ve mentioned in other posts about anal sex that you give yourself an enema if you know that’s likley to be an occurance later. Just how do you go about doing that? I mean, I can’t work out the logistics of a do-it-yourself enema
Thanks
J&H
Just how do you go about doing that? I mean, I can’t work out the logistics of a do-it-yourself enema
It’s not terribly complicated, really. But I’ll use that as an excuse to write a how-to for giving yourself an enema.
Not to be a smart ass but just
insert , wait and sit down right ?
:)
Thanks for this post. I’ve often thought that anyone who is freaking-out disgusted by bodily fluids probably shouldn’t be having sex in the first place. You know?
Also, I second wanting a how-to on the enema! (I’ve had a full colonic but never have given myself an enema.) That might sound silly. I’m sure it’s not rocket science, but I’m the kind of person who likes to know ALL the details about anything before I do it (esp. something that in any way deals w/ my body) and it seems like even the most sex-positive folks get squeamish and just skip over that part. They’ll go into lots of detail about preparations for anal sex, such as lubing, using a plug, etc., and then say really quickly, “oh and I gave myself an enema” – and that’s it. It’s a pet peeve of mine.
“I sure hope they actually do change bed spreads after each guest leaves.”
I will tell you that I think about that every time I am in a hotel room. I would be willing to think that many hotels don’t change the spreads after each guest stay but I hope they do. :)
I don’t like it in my eyes or up my nose, but that’s because it burns, not out of a concern about it being “icky.” I’ve actually never thought of cum that way but I guess there are plenty of people who do!
Amber, goddess, thanks for gracing my blog with your presence again.
I’ve often thought that anyone who is freaking-out disgusted by bodily fluids probably shouldn’t be having sex in the first place. You know?
Agreed. That’s half the fun of sex, IMO.
Also, I second wanting a how-to on the enema! (I’ve had a full colonic but never have given myself an enema.) That might sound silly. I’m sure it’s not rocket science, but I’m the kind of person who likes to know ALL the details about anything before I do it
Understood, and I’m the same way – have been since I first began my sexual journey. All of that “research” may have something to do with why I’m where I’m at now.
Enema post coming up shortly.
Rekster,
I would be willing to think that many hotels don’t change the spreads after each guest stay but I hope they do. :)
Right there with you, even though I’m responsible for many of them becoming dirty.
Third on the enema request, mostly because I’ve never read an at home how-to before!
Working on it
“I do often wonder what the housecleaning staff thinks when they go into some rooms after we’re done, though.”
Probably something along the lines of: “Damn, I got here a couple hours too late…”
;)
Ahaha! I bet not, except maybe for the rare one. I’ve seen a couple I’d love to try before, though.
I’ve always wonder how horrible the sex lives of extreme clean freaks /germ-o-phobs must be, due to these considerations.
“I sure hope they actually do change bed spreads after each guest leaves.”
This talk of bed sheets and rooms and such reminds of when I lived in the dorms during my undergrad.
Once one of my friends described the difference between how normal people think and how I think with the following: “You see most people get to their dorms and think how can I have sex in here? You get to your dorm and think how many people have had sex in here”. He was right… I purchased some Clorox.
Once one of my friends knocked-up his girlfriend in his dorm room when he moved out a common friend moved into his old room. After he did he was telling me how was seriously going to ask for a new bed because it was freaking him out knowing he was sleeping in the same spot our friends first child was conceived. I decided to be mean and twist the knife a little: “How do you know they limited it to the bed? Desks, chairs there are plenty of surfaces they could have used. The kid could have been conceived on any one of them.” Cruel of me I know but if anyone had a right to complain about these things, it was me, let me present my roommate:
On one hand, he has been described as the prefect roommate, by virtue of him rarely being in the room, but when he was around the stories that followed have made me come out on top several times when trading bad roommate stories. Example: Normally my roommate interaction was limited to him kicking me out so he could attempt to have sex. Note the word attempt- I never asked but he felt the need to inform me of his subsequent failures. (Hint: it does not fit that whole gangster pimp thing you’re going for when you spend Friday night whining to your roommate about how you’re not getting any). However, one night he came in to the room and began frantically putting all his cloths, sheets etc. into laundry bags. I asked this crazy person I rarely see what he was doing, he responds by asking for my anatomy and physiology book. I gave him the book and watched him turn the page to the STD chapter after reading a bit he responded and this is exact “I just fucked this girl and she had crabs”. (see that bleach was a wise investment) So apparently, the one girl he could get some from was…yeah. I was happy when he moved out and I got a single.
I’ve always wonder how horrible the sex lives of extreme clean freaks /germ-o-phobs must be, due to these considerations.
Yeah, that was the point of my post. You spend so much time placing limitations on your sex that it becomes an exercise in trying to not get dirty than enjoying the fucking. I can’t play that.
Alexa,
there’s plenty I want to tell you – first of all: I, too, have never given myself an enema – my ex has, however. Worth it, definitely – makes life that much easier.
Plus – I ordered your “required reading” – The Art of Seduction + The Straight Girls Guide to Picking up Chicks.
I didn’t like the latter one that much (though I finished it) and am still reading the Seduction one. Love that one, though I feel I will also have to read it at least twice – has given me some interesting insight but couldn’t process all of it yet, so I will definitely have to read it again (I am only half way through, anyway). Will have to ask you for lots of advice, I hope that’s okay with you.
I found it pretty intersting, though. I am after one guy at the moment, and he is THE first “victim” (don’t like the term either), but this acutally helped me with getting my hopes down =)
Love,
Nadine
I, too, have never given myself an enema – my ex has, however. Worth it, definitely – makes life that much easier.
Hopefully, I’ll be able to get that point across in the article I’m working on about enemas.
I ordered your “required reading” – The Art of Seduction + The Straight Girls Guide to Picking up Chicks.
I didn’t like the latter one that much (though I finished it) and am still reading the Seduction one. Love that one, though I feel I will also have to read it at least twice – has given me some interesting insight but couldn’t process all of it yet, so I will definitely have to read it again (I am only half way through, anyway).
Yeah, the straight chicks book is a bit bland in terms of information. But it is the best one out there at this point. Maybe I should write one myself. Soon.
Will have to ask you for lots of advice, I hope that’s okay with you.
That’s perfectly fine.
“I sure hope they actually do change bed spreads after each guest leaves.”
I would recommend against bringing portable ultraviolet lights to hotel rooms if this is a serious concern. I’ve seen some pictures of high-end, “clean” hotel rooms awash in UV light and it’s quite the sight.
On a side note, the last time I rented a tuxedo for an event the rental place had a reprint of a newspaper story laminated and sitting out. The story compared 3 different tux rental places in the town, using UV lights on newly rented tuxes as part of the comparison. The competitor tuxes (again, supposedly clean) had quite the interesting patches glowing in the crotch area, legs, etc. (One had the glow spots all over the shoulders of the jacket, I can guess how that happened).
I’m all for sex being dirty and truly don’t have a problem with it. When it is the remnants of other people’s dirty – people I don’t even know – I tend to have a slight problem with that.
On a side note, the last time I rented a tuxedo for an event the rental place had a reprint of a newspaper story laminated and sitting out. The story compared 3 different tux rental places in the town, using UV lights on newly rented tuxes as part of the comparison. The competitor tuxes (again, supposedly clean) had quite the interesting patches glowing in the crotch area, legs, etc. (One had the glow spots all over the shoulders of the jacket, I can guess how that happened).
OMG. Eww.
I’m all for sex being dirty and truly don’t have a problem with it. When it is the remnants of other people’s dirty – people I don’t even know – I tend to have a slight problem with that.
Understandably. They should wash the damn things whent hey come back. WTF?
it’s so refreshing to hear someone be so upfront and blaze about body ‘fluids’ if you can’t deal with your own fluids or that of the person you going to have sex with then I think that’s a bit sad. You are looking at the girl who used a turkey baster to empty the toilet bowl after her boyfriend had taken a dumb, it’s a long story, I didn’t relish the job but it had to be done so I got on with it =)
I love ‘fluid-bonded’ and yes tutorials are always good!
You are looking at the girl who used a turkey baster to empty the toilet bowl after her boyfriend had taken a dumb,
Did you keep the turkey baster after that, or throw it away?
Cum in the nose is gross though, and very uncomfortable…
<3sc
Shannon, I defy you to explain how could cum in the ass or the cunt be ‘ok’ and in the nose is ‘gross’? And I bet in the eye is worse than the nose. Alexa, I think we need expert testimony here!
Consirvative,
I defy you to explain how could cum in the ass or the cunt be ‘ok’ and in the nose is ‘gross’?
It’s quite obvious you’ve never had cum up your nose, dude. lol
Shannon, you’re quite right. I didn’t mean to suggest that everyone should be comfortable with cum up their noses (or in their eyes, etc.). My point was more that you shouldn’t allow worrying about that sort of thing keep you from enjoying the sex play.
Great post. In almost every sentence, including the title, you could substitute “life” for “sex” (or “living” for “fucking”) and it would still be just as spot on, both literally and figuratively.
I would also like to use this as my unofficial motto:
“Just wipe it off and go on with life.”
I would also like to use this as my unofficial motto:
“Just wipe it off and go on with life.”
That sounds like an excellent motto, actually.
I would worry about the risk of infection because of splashes into the eyes, ie I would consider cum in eyes to be a fluid bonded activity only for me, other than that, right on.
Wow that was great and also very informative great stuff. :-}
“blast your load wherever you want it to go and that’s fine with me. ”
Ah, I wish my girlfriend shared your attitude.
One quick correction — I think the quote is from Woody Allen, not Groucho Marx. It was in the film Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex or something like that.
Heh. This might be most inappropriate post on your blog for leaving such a prissy and anal-retentive comment.
Juliet,
One quick correction — I think the quote is from Woody Allen, not Groucho Marx.
Actually, the statement was made originally by Groucho Mark, and was recycled by Woody Allen in the movie.
Hi, Alexa. I just found your blog a few days ago and have been reading everything ever since. Your posts on dirty sex and analingus finally spurred me to try this on my girlfriend. I have always been afraid to do anything in that area because I though it was “dirty” ironically. Your posts help me make the decision to give it a try. I also read your post on eating that one girl’s ass and finger fucking her, so I combined those two last night at the same time. She went ballistic and says she had the strongest orgasm she’s ever had. She asked me where I came up with that and I told her I found it on a blog. She wanted me to come post to thank you for it.
I found tonguing her asshole to be one of the most intimate things I’ve ever experienced. She’s never let anyone go there before, and it was the first time for me too. So it was just a really incredible experience. Thank you for helping me get there.
Rebecca,
She wanted me to come post to thank you for it.
Tell her, she’s welcome.
I found tonguing her asshole to be one of the most intimate things I’ve ever experienced. She’s never let anyone go there before, and it was the first time for me too. So it was just a really incredible experience. Thank you for helping me get there.
You’re certainly welcome. I’m glad I was able to put you in a mindset to give it a shot. I very much agree with you about the intimacy of that kind of act, especially with respect to the first time between two long-term partners. Both have to trust each other and allow themselves to let go a bit.
Anyway, thank you so much for dropping by and telling me this. This kind of thing gives me a warm and fuzzy.