A subject came up in a discussion I was having on Twitter today. A woman who is currently working as an escort lamented the fact that she’d not started this line of work sooner, perhaps providing a better financial position for her and her children than she finds herself in at present. This got me to thinking, and I proposed the question:
Is it ethical, or “right,” to advocate that young women (18+) consider pursing work as escorts to make decent/good money?
Now, let me caveat this with a couple of points. First off, it’d have to include an outline of both the pros and cons of the work – you couldn’t/shouldn’t sugarcoat it. Second, there’d have to be some way to ascertain the maturity level of those you were recruiting. Someone made the very valid point that many 18 year olds would not be equipped to handle this kind of work, and I certainly agree with that (I know people in their 20s and 30s who wouldn’t be able to handle it, in fact).
So, assuming you could account for those two issues, would it be ethical, in your opinion, to actively promote escort work as a legitimate course of employment for young people (of any gender, actually)?
Someone will inevitably bring up the legality of the work, and that, too, is a valid point for consideration. Keep in mind that in many places, prostitution is legal, so don’t get tunnel vision and focus only on the majority of the U.S. where it isn’t. And keep in mind that escort work itself is not prostitution – there are many instances every day where no sex is involved in escort appointments.
And, if you assert that it is okay, would you feel the same way if I were to approach your 18 or 19-year old daughter and offer this as a viable line of work to her?
As for me personally, I’m inclined to say yes, it is acceptable, assuming you add all the caveats about the negative aspects of it and discuss the potential illegality. As far as I’m concerned, it is really not much different than any other line of personal service work. In fact, Id be an active proponent of offering college coursework in modern courtesanship. 
So, what say ye?
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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
The assumption you make is a pretty big one. That the recruiter would offer a balanced assessment of the profession. There are certain ethical issues involved in recruitment for any career.
Look at the people who are drawn into the military by promises of free education, and pleasant assignments with the opportunity to develop useful skills. More often than not the negatives are glossed over. The same goes for a number of careers, benefits and possibilities of advancement are touted whereas disadvantages are glossed over.
I have no problem with escort work being made more of a credible option, educating people that it isn’t tantamount to street walking etc. Offering it for consideration is fine, great even. Escorting, especially the way you portray it Alexa, seems exciting and rewarding. Your whole blog is a great example of how to do it right and in an emotionally healthy way, but how many Alexas are there? Is an Alexa born or created?
If you could teach your values and mindset to a receptive girl, then I think it might be something to consider seriously.
Ultimately direct recruitment seems to be a bit ethically dubious, ideally you’d want to cast escort work in such a light that it attracts those who would gain the most from the career and are best suited to it.
Steve,
That the recruiter would offer a balanced assessment of the profession
I tried to avoid using the word “recruit” for that purpose. Recruiting people to be escorts is illegal.
My intent was to suggest presenting the work as a viable option. I know there may be a bit of a semantic dance going on there, but there is a distinct difference between advocating the job as a legitimate option vs. trying to convince someone to go into it.
Is an Alexa born or created?
That’s an excellent question. I’d suspect a little of both. I think someone has to come into it with the right mindset and psychological approach, which could be acquired through genetics or learned.
I do think it is possible to teach someone what they need to know to be successful at it, though (and thus, my suggestion for the college coursework).
I brought up legality because usually laws tend to mesh with cultural attitudes. As such I would not ever recommend anyone pursue a line of work involving illegal activity. Or suggest anyone pursue a life that society looks down upon.
So let’s assume that the rules are followed and as such law enforcement doesn’t get involved….
In which case escorting is simply another customer service job which requires personality skills. Then by all means if one seems to have the ability to earn money by using those skills, go for it.
There will be some who argue that a woman or (male escorts) should not allow herself to be used for her body. Or that relying on her looks will stunt her personal growth….(I use the female pronouns as our society doesn’t seem to have such resentment towards men using their physical attributes to earn money)
YET we encourage atheletes to use their bodies and take such punishment that life after 40 tends to include more pain than non-atheletes. We encourage and many people desire to be models or actors who rely on looks and similar personality skills.
No single profession is for everyone. Not everyone CAN be a doctor or lawyer or teacher or mechanic or artist. We all have skills and as such those who would be lousy escorts should not be encouraged to enter the profession.
As far as a high school/college course…I think in general our society would do well to have a course for all people to learn some basic skills in interacting with charm, grace and manners. The high school course would be basic charm school and the college course could contain more intimate subjects.
Terrific question! And you raised some good points in reference to the question: Is it ethical, or “right,” to advocate that young women (18+) consider pursing work as escorts to make decent/good money?
Couple of thoughts…
a. I’m personally not sure we should do anything when the sole purpose is “good money” I have worked in adult entertainment for years and have seen this motivating factor ruin both men and women. Conversely, when the motivation stemmed from a healthy sexual mindset, or a desire to have fun .. virtually anything other than money, it led to long term contentment with their life and their financial situation.
b. ” And keep in mind that escort work itself is not prostitution – there are many instances every day where no sex is involved in escort appointments.” Although it may not have been your intention, this seems to necessitate that prostitution is a negative and somehow escorting is not. Legalities and industry bias aside, I know very few “consumers” who would draw a distinction between the two as it relates to sex. Rather the distinction , from a consumers point of view, in my experience, has to do with quality and price expectations. Let no woman be fooled. Most men, when they contact an escort are seeking some sort of sexual gratification.
Lastly, I agree with your final thought… I see no ethical issues in proposing this line of work to carefully selected candidates.
P.S. Love your theme / layout!
Manos,
Not everyone CAN be a doctor or lawyer or teacher or mechanic or artist.
Or wants to. There have been quite few instances where people have wanted to go into escort work, even as early as the age of ten.
I think in general our society would do well to have a course for all people to learn some basic skills in interacting with charm, grace and manners.
I absolutely agree with you on that. No truer words have ever been spoken!
Thanks for your thoughts.
Indeed, the wording is a difficult dance.
I think it would be best for girls interested in work to find escorts such as yourself that are open and willing to educate and inform. I’d be curious if you’d ever been contacted through your blog or other site from potential escorts. It’d be a lot healthier for a prospective escort to contact you rather than an agency.
Advertising and actively seeking girls I think would open up the career to people that might not necessarily be suited to escorting. It depends on how many girls burn out through making a bad choice compared to sexually healthy girls that just think “oh hey, I could totally do this but never thought about it.”
Have you thought about the economics of educating and training more escorts?
Chris,
I’m personally not sure we should do anything when the sole purpose is “good money”
Though I don’t disagree with you, the vast majority of people work at jobs they dislike to make money (“good” or not).
Conversely, when the motivation stemmed from a healthy sexual mindset, or a desire to have fun .. virtually anything other than money, it led to long term contentment with their life and their financial situation.
Agreed. I’ve seen other people working in this business who don’t have a very healthy outlook on their own sexuality to begin with, and they just never mesh with the work. Conversely, I know women who got into it and end up really enjoying it (Norma Jean Almodovar is perhaps the best known of these).
Although it may not have been your intention, this seems to necessitate that prostitution is a negative and somehow escorting is not.
I could certainly see why someone might draw that inference from the words I chose. The real intent behind it was to reflect the fact that prostitution itself IS illegal, whereas escort work, when performed according to the strict standard of “you’re paying for my time, not what we do,” isn’t illegal. Again, semantics.
Most men, when they contact an escort are seeking some sort of sexual gratification.
Absolutely true.
P.S. Love your theme / layout!
Thank you. And thanks for adding your thoughts here.
Steve,
I’d be curious if you’d ever been contacted through your blog or other site from potential escorts.
Oh, absolutely. I’ve had quite a few women ( and a couple of guys, too, believe it or not) contact me and ask for advice on what they should do.
Advertising and actively seeking girls I think would open up the career to people that might not necessarily be suited to escorting.
Right now, many agencies do place ads seeking escorts. Most of the reputable ones will evaluate the applicants and allow only those who really want to do the work in. Some, however, are just looking for bodies. Those don’t tend to do very long in the long run, generally.
Have you thought about the economics of educating and training more escorts?
Only superficially. There are a couple of escorts who’re working on curricula for escorts – something they can do on their own time and learn about it. Amanda Brooks has written two books (soon to be four) on how to become an Internet-based escort as well.
I know several of us have toyed around with the idea of creating “schools for hookers” to teach them what they need to know to be safe and all that, including how to do classes in several cities around the country.
I mean more of how educating more escorts will alter how much you can charge for your time. Supply and demand and all that. Although if you plan to get out of escorting in the next few years it doesn’t really matter.
The whole subject is so fascinating. Everything you raise pretty much is. It really helps me stretch my mental faculties in a way I’m quite unused to. I’m glad I’ve started following you on twitter and through your blog.
Steve,
I mean more of how educating more escorts will alter how much you can charge for your time. Supply and demand and all that.
Haha! Sorry about the misinterpretation.
I doubt you’d ever push enough out into the market to affect the cost structure. The lower end is really the only part that has any kind of flexibility in its demand curve.
Anyone who went through any kind of course or training program wouldn’t generally start out there, in my opinion. The more educated you are, the more read you are, the more robust your sexual repertoire is, the higher rates you can charge. I’d think, like any other profession/line of work, the more educated you become the more market value your skills would have.
I suppose if it got to the point where we were churning out graduating classes like schools do for other academic areas, the rates might be impacted. That’d be an interesting subject for a thesis or special project, wouldn’t it?
I’m glad I’ve started following you on twitter and through your blog.
I’m glad you’re enjoying me.
I think that educating 18 and 19 year olds about the option of escort work could be really benificial. I would imagine that there are those who go into your line of work “blind” or not taking neccessary precausions and some form of education would, as in all cases, go a long way cut down those cases. It’s vital to know the pros and cons of anything you go into and since escort work is so stigmitized and “shoved under the carpet” that potential escorts might not manage to obtain such information.
The ability of young people to handle this type of work is another good issue you raise, not only psychologically but also from a logistic and managment perspective. Personally, if I were to develop an interest in entering the escort buisness, I can’t see myself even coming close to managing possible clients, time tables, let alone school alongside it (however I can’t speak for all 18 year olds because I live in a rather overprotective family and haven’t really had a chance to make my own way in the world yet). From a psychological perspective I actually think that the ones that are sufficently sexually open and sufficently interested would stick to it while the rest would eventually decide that it is not for them if the pros and the cons are sufficently emphasized (as happens in most proffession really).
In conclusion, I like the idea of young people being shown the possibility of escort work because in the end, it is all about choice. As you said, it would just be presented as an option and not as a recruitment (again, personal choice). If young people have an accessible medium through which they can gain insight into escort work I would imagine that the majority of the ones that do nake the decision to become one will do so with sufficent knowledge to go into the escort buisness prepared, and that I imagine would be vital both for their own satisfaction and safety and that of their clients.
If you are going to evaluate what is ethical/moral there are some already some frameworks that you could use… the basic division is means based ethics and ends based ethics.
Deontological/duty based frameworks – probably unethical
Utilitarian/greatest good frameworks – ethical subject to cost/benefit
Ethical egotism – ethical
This is just a quick hit, and nothing too in depth, to get the brain juices flowing.
Todor,
If young people have an accessible medium through which they can gain insight into escort work I would imagine that the majority of the ones that do nake the decision to become one will do so with sufficent knowledge to go into the escort buisness prepared, and that I imagine would be vital both for their own satisfaction and safety and that of their clients.
Absolutely.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Steven,
If you are going to evaluate what is ethical/moral there are some already some frameworks that you could use… the basic division is means based ethics and ends based ethics.
Boy, that’d open a can of worms. I never took an Ethics class, but I bet this would be an interesting subject to discuss in that kind of environment.
If you want I could go further into depth on the issue. My undergrad coursework (Justice) had a heavy, if not redundant focus on ethics.
Steven, feel free to expand on it. I’d love to hear any point you’d care to make.
Hi Alexa,
This topic has gotten me thinking about it all day, and I still stand by my initial response as No one should not encourage the average 18 year old to enter the escorting world as a means to making decent money. The reason is that most 18-19 year olds do see this as a means to an end. but rather just a means. Also the maturity aspect is another. Having known many ladies over the years, there are those who just can not deal with the multi sex partner per week let alone per day part of the business and to be able to put up that facade of interest is tough. And finally the end game. You like most of the escorts you have encountered all have an exit strategy. You know what and how to deal with life after you get out of the business, but what 19 yo would know? Given the cash flow that the business can generate for a good escort it takes a very disciplined person to be able to deal with this as a business, rather than cash flow to buy the latest fashions and toys because they can always get more $ next week, or tomorrow. Its the pro athlete after their playing days are over syndrome, but who will guide the ex-escorts on to a productive life after its all said and done? The pretty woman syndrome only happens for 1 in 1000 at best what happens to the other 999?
In closing, your blog has been one of the most fascinating since postmodern courtesan shut down her blog a few years ago. Thoughtful, teasing and above all intelligent.
Regards
Peter
Peter,
I think you’re looking at this as if it were to be a long-term, or career move. That’s not necessarily the intent, really.
The reason is that most 18-19 year olds do see this as a means to an end. but rather just a means.
How would this be any different than them doing any other kind of work? All of that would likewise be a “means,” would it not?
Also the maturity aspect is another. Having known many ladies over the years, there are those who just can not deal with the multi sex partner per week let alone per day part of the business and to be able to put up that facade of interest is tough.
I don’t disagree with that at all. However, there are a variety of rationales that could be presented for just about any kind of work a young person could get into. I’m not advocating encouraging anyone to do this, but rather simply presenting it as a legitimate option. Each person has to make their own judgments about whether they can handle the work, as well as decisions about whether they want to continue doing it once they get in.
Your point about exit strategies is also a cogent one. You do run the risk of not being able to let go because of the amount of money you can make in this business. We have to find a way to encourage anyone in the industry to develop an exit strategy if they wish to have one.
In closing, your blog has been one of the most fascinating since postmodern courtesan shut down her blog a few years ago. Thoughtful, teasing and above all intelligent.
Thank you, sir. I appreciate you saying that.
Hi Alexa,
I think you’re looking at this as if it were to be a long-term, or career move. That’s not necessarily the intent, really.
No I am not looking at it as a long term but once a 18 yo girl get into that kind of $, it become the honey trap. Unless one lands an engineering job, lawyer (but having this job your back ground is not a good thing for that profession) dentist or Dr, how is the average 18-19 yo going to be making that kind of cash flow after being in the business for 1-5 years? I mean those jobs require 50-100 work weeks to get that kind of $.
Being an escort is not like any other type of job, as there is a universal social stigma associated with it. otherwise one’s parents can guide and help the young lady manage the $ and not get caught in the honey trap.
Most of the successful escorts I have known generally started w/ some kind of higher education and know what they want and see this as a means of getting that 2nd degree or using the business as a buffer while setting up a business. But a 18-19 yo fresh out of High school or 1st year collage/university? it screws up their mind too much as the addiction to the instant gratification that kind of $ can provide.
Yes, assuming it’s legal.
It’s hard to talk about generalities with maturity of 18-19 year olds. Some could take escorting in a mature and positive way, many however I’m sure would burn out. The same is true for 25 year olds or 35 year olds.
The closest analogy in terms of money to age I can think of is pro athletes fresh out of college or high school or young actors. A lot do burn the money irresponsibly, and end up with no sustainable future. However many do use the sport to work towards a degree to help their career after they finish playing. I can see escorting functioning as an “athletic scholarship” for some enterprising young women. After all being educated enough to attend college is an important asset for a high class courtesan.
This I think is an important point to raise to prospective escorts. That it is a short-term career choice. Set goals – make 100K or do 18 months, just enough to get through college etc.
Alexa, have you ever thought about publishing a brief “how to start escorting?” post, or have you written or seen something similar? I’d be fascinated at seeing some of the logistics behind what you do.
A very good question and certainly one Ive pondered on many an occasion.
Unfortunately Im still not sure where I stand but reality short answer yes, I would advocate that woman consider Escort work and yes, I would comfortably discuss it with my daughter. Without being entirely sure how “advocate” falls into context here I would add that I wouldnt ever encourage anyone, simply suggest it as an option they may not have considered.
And I certainly wouldnt suggest to just anyone. However, having worked closely with many ladies wanting to start out in this business, and guiding as required, it isnt hard to tell the person who could make a real go of it and come out the other end winning.
Obviously being legal over here helps.
Personally, I think that they should legalise this line of work before we advocate for young women to get involved in this industry. How are we going to fully educate an 18/19 year old about the risks?
STD’s (how often do you get tested, out of interest? do you insist your clients are tested too?), pregnancy (no contraception is 100% effective), the emotional drain etc. etc.
Between 18 and 25 are crucial years in a young person’s development. This is when big decisions are made relating to their future and the path which they wish to progress along. During this time you are more likely to enter into college/postgraduate etc. than at any other time in your life. It’s not that you can’t do college at the same time as working an escort job but how many young people would actually consider going to college/further education if they can make easy money being an escort with fewer hours?
The emotional complexities of being an escort worker and the physical drain it can have on your body is also not something a lot of girls might be prepared for. You need to keep in pretty good condition if you are going to get work and to ensure that you are ALWAYS switched on. You can’t have an “off” day when you are an escort because you are less likely to get paid.
Excuse me if I have jumped to conclusions but I think the whole industry needs to be regulated in some way before we start advocating this as an actual career choice. It needs to not carry prison time in the event of being caught and the risk of being found out is too high.
Besides, what would you tell your parents when they asked how your job was going? When they asked where you were working? I wouldn’t know what to say and I can’t lie to them.
Steve,
This I think is an important point to raise to prospective escorts. That it is a short-term career choice. Set goals – make 100K or do 18 months, just enough to get through college etc.
Very few, if any, escorts at that age are going to make anything close to that kind of money, even working full time. And, true, for most it would be a short-term employment option. There are some, however, who may elect to pursue it as a full-time avocation.
Alexa, have you ever thought about publishing a brief “how to start escorting?” post, or have you written or seen something similar? I’d be fascinated at seeing some of the logistics behind what you do.
I haven’t, but there are materials out there that provide some guidance to those considering it. For example, Amanda Brooks has written two books on the subject (search on Amazon.com for “Amanda Brooks” and “Internet Escort’s Handbook”).
msSmunro,
I would add that I wouldnt ever encourage anyone, simply suggest it as an option they may not have considered.
Absolutely. That’s the way I see it as well.
And I certainly wouldnt suggest to just anyone. However, having worked closely with many ladies wanting to start out in this business, and guiding as required, it isnt hard to tell the person who could make a real go of it and come out the other end winning.
Again, I agree with you here. You can spend a few minutes talking with someone to get a feel for their maturity level, how they feel about their sexuality, and so forth, and come away with a pretty good idea about how they’d do. Even in e-mail discussions I’ve had with women interested in the work I can get a feel for how they’d likely do.
SS
How are we going to fully educate an 18/19 year old about the risks?
The same way we communicate risks associated with any other line of work they might be interested in.
STD’s (how often do you get tested, out of interest? do you insist your clients are tested too?)
I personally get tested about once every 6 weeks or so. I don’t and can’t insist that my clients get tested (logistically, that isn’t feasible). There was one instance for a unique appointment involving a group of men where I required them to have two successive tests each before I agreed to see them).
how many young people would actually consider going to college/further education if they can make easy money being an escort with fewer hours?
Escort work is one of those jobs that, typically, devolves financially as you grow older. The older you get, the lower your earning potential becomes (generally speaking – there are exceptions, of course).
And I think it is important to understand that the vast majority of escorts don’t earn big money (and I can assure you it isn’t always “easy” money, either). I’ve known a small handful of women who work as escorts to help pay for college, and that is a much more common scenario. In fact, if you want to earn the big money, the best thing to do is complete your degree to further your pedigree. Just about all of the escorts/companions earning major bucks have advanced degrees, in fact.
The emotional complexities of being an escort worker and the physical drain it can have on your body is also not something a lot of girls might be prepared for.
I definitely agree with you on that. That’s why it’d be important to make sure they understand the risks before they took that step.
You need to keep in pretty good condition if you are going to get work and to ensure that you are ALWAYS switched on. You can’t have an “off” day when you are an escort because you are less likely to get paid.
Actually, many escorts are able to turn it “on” and “off” with respect to work and separating their private lives from their work personae. That is a sign of maturity, though, and speaks to the fact, as several of us have pointed out, that it would be essential to evaluate one’s maturity level before attempting this kind of work.
Besides, what would you tell your parents when they asked how your job was going? When they asked where you were working? I wouldn’t know what to say and I can’t lie to them.
Well, that’s an entirely personal decision. Some wouldn’t have a problem telling their parents (or at least their mothers), whereas others would formulate some story (scholarships, maybe?) as a cover. The fact that you couldn’t lie to your parents doesn’t mean another person would have a problem with it.
Thanks for your comments.
I suppose my answer is a bit more simple than some of your posters, but I say, yes. If you remove illegal/legal and maturity from the discussion, how is it any different than considering any other job? For some people it won’t be the right fit, but for others it might be. Why should we, as “adults,” presume to know whether it is the right career choice for a young person? If escorting were legal, I don’t see how it would be any different from encouraging a college age person from exploring medicine, law, or acting. The differences that currently exist are societal – what is acceptable and what isn’t – and in my experience, the younger generation is where societal changes originate.
I think that the difference is not just about the legality of escort work, but rather the emotional toll. Alexa is an extraordinarily intelligent and mature 20-something. My concern is that the majority of teenagers and adults are not extraordinarily intelligent nor mature.
This is a career option that requires you to be able to use your judgement to pick and research your customers wisely, to take good care of yourself physically and even more important, to take care of yourself emotionally.
Of course there are women (and men) who are capable of this. But I think that it requires a unique combination of traits. Someone who doesn’t have a good perspective or judgement may find themselves in over their heads. And quite frankly, when you’re 18 or 19, in many (most?) situations, you don’t have the life experience to know if you are capable of doing this in a healthy way. (healthy = your own mental & physical health.)
And the potential emotional consequences are significant and quite possibly lifelong. To me, that is what makes this different from many other career choices and requires that this type of decision should be made carefully and based on lots of information, facts, research and self-knowledge.
On the other hand, I don’t believe in censorship of any kind. I think that all you can do is make sure that all of the information is readily available, do your best to educate people and provide assistance for them during and after their career. I think that this is a big part of what Alexa is doing with this blog and some of her other projects that she’s alluded to – along with titillating us.
Not sure that I made any point other than I think Alexa is a big smarty pants, but I’m kinda tired.
Stephanie,
If escorting were legal, I don’t see how it would be any different from encouraging a college age person from exploring medicine, law, or acting. The differences that currently exist are societal – what is acceptable and what isn’t – and in my experience, the younger generation is where societal changes originate.
Agreed, on all points, with the exception of the mental maturity required to do it, as several have pointed out.
Amy! You hot bitch!
My concern is that the majority of teenagers and adults are not extraordinarily intelligent nor mature.
I agree with you on this, but there are some who are very mature and could easily do the work. A good many 18 and 19 year olds already do this kind of work – you just don’t hear about it often. lol
And the potential emotional consequences are significant and quite possibly lifelong. To me, that is what makes this different from many other career choices and requires that this type of decision should be made carefully and based on lots of information, facts, research and self-knowledge.
I absolutely agree with you on those points.
Not sure that I made any point other than I think Alexa is a big smarty pants,
As a mother I would have to say no. I would not want my child in any profession where their safety is at risk (emotional, physical, mental). I feel that a career should be chosen based on your passion for it not just the money that you hope to gain from it. Having my child come to me to tell me that they are HIV positive or that they have herpes is not the price that I would want my child to pay just because they seek a high paying job.
Nicole,
There aren’t many jobs that have zero mental/emotional/physical risk. Smart escort work is a lot less dangerous than most people believe.
Alexa,
Thanks for the plugs! This was not the post I was expecting it to be when I saw your Tweet.
(To general readers) In my first book, I go over a lot of the qualities one needs to have to be an escort and those things that mean you’re probably not suitable for the job. It’s very important to me that someone considering escort work recognize whether or not they’re suited for the job because if you’re not, it can certainly cause harm. Only those who want to be escorts should be.
The legal issue (and something Alexa has certainly covered), is the biggest issue. Because of the illegal nature of this form of sex work, education is kept to a minimum; allowing negative effects to grow unchecked — affecting more harm than is neccessary and reinforcing the sterotype that it is dangerous and harmful.
This business does not need regulation which is always invasive, heavy-handed and does no one any favors, it simply needs to be decriminalized. The New Zealand commenter knows this; I’m currently experiencing it in London. Harm is greatly minimized with a change in the laws. After that change, harm is further minimized by a legal sharing of information, education and support networks. All of these good things are currently illegal under US law. This only impacts the worker in a negative way.
And then…escort work can be seen as a viable, safe job option for the right type of person because it really will be viable and relatively safe.
Despite what a lot of people might think, escort work is a tremendous job for the right person. I know that when I discovered it I wondered why on earth no one had ever bothered to tell me how great it was. I am the right person and I know there are many more like me out there.
XX
Amanda,
There are mental/emotional/physical risk is some jobs yes. However HIV risk is not something that you would face in most jobs. I’m not against escorting but I would not advocate it for a person so young especially my child.
Nicole,
Then make sure your children don’t go into the field of medicine at all. And make sure they don’t sleep around in college — 15-25yr olds have the highest rates of STIs of any group in the country. I’m guessing that includes HIV. (Though college techincally isn’t a job.)
HIV is a risk only if you allow it to be a risk. Frankly, driving to and from outcalls is far riskier than having protected sex with clients (who generally fall into a low-risk demographic).
XX
maybe a different way to look at this would be look at how what you do now might affect what you want to do later. there are plenty of low pay, high risk jobs that a 19yr old male or female might do, but in most cases, if no actual physical accident takes place, the long term effect of the job are going to be small, and perhaps even most positive (“triumph over adversity” and all that). sex work seems different on some level, especially when started at an age when the worker’s experience of romantic and/or sexual relationships is probably fairly limited. certainly there are 19 year olds who’ve had a belly full of sex by that age, but i think anyone over the age of 25 can tell the distinction between that kind of experince and the understanding that unfolds as more time passes. how will sex work affect one’s perspective on romantic and/or sexual relationships if you start before you’ve ever had a long term relationship? before you’ve ever had a satisfying relationship? the web of sex (worker) blogs is full of many different answers to this kind of question, and its not clear from my readings that the answers are all good (though they are of course not limited to 19 year olds either).
put differently, i stand more chance of not seeing my daughter again if she heads off to work on a remote oil drilling platform than if she becomes an escort. however, that interests me less than whether my chances of seeing her a happy 34 year old are affected. i don’t know the answer to that question in any definitive way, but my gut feeling tells me that in our culture, i should probably bet on the dirty, disgusting, dangerous oil rig than the 550 count sheets she might spend time on as an escort. its only a bet though (and ignores the sexual side of working on remote oil rig too, just for a complete lack of realism :)
Paul,
Both Alexa and I agree that MATURITY matters when choosing to beocme an escort. The escort I would’ve been at 19 or 20 is far different from the escort I was at 26 (and now). I would probably have a huge nest egg by now (as opposed to zero) had I started earlier. I would be in a different place in life and learned different lessons. Worse off emotionally? No. I think escort work — because I’m suited for it — has helped me through tough emotional decisions and given me qualities I wouldn’t otherwise normally have. But again, that’s because the job suits my basic personality and temperament.
How escort work is currently done — sort if willy-nilly if you don’t have a mentor — leads to problems. A full-on mentoring/learning course like Alexa is discussing will not only weed through suitable workers, it will give them a very stable foundation to maximize the work and not make harmful mistakes.
This is an Alexa-fantasy post because obviously this isn’t how the system is set up now in the US. Nor can anyone make judgements based on stereotypes of the job. A lot has to change first.
Maybe Alexa needs to try setting up a school in another country!
XX
Amanda,
This is an Alexa-fantasy post
Indeed.
It was intended to generate reflection and discussion, which it has.
Maybe Alexa needs to try setting up a school in another country!
I don’t know that I believe it isn’t possible to do something like this here in the U.S. Would it take some effort? Absolutely. Would it be impossible? Nothing is impossible.
It depends on the level of maturity and the persons disposition.
I don’t have kids but as the eldest of two sisters the youngest is almost 21. So I always feel like I have to look out for her in some way but I also know that she would be prone to falling into drug usage and getting involved with the wrong people. She already spends her all her dough on pot.
Many young people don’t now what they want to do with their lives and so in a way lack goals. I think 21 would be a good age to consider because if you lived under your parents rule till 18 you need some real world know how via the school of hard Knocks .
Also studies show that the brains of people under 21 aren’t fully developed as a result don’t understand the concept of mortality, this is why the military is always recruiting on campus and credit lenders target freshman .
This is where the danger lies… if you don’t have a goal or a purpose for doing escort work then that is where someone who is under 21 will fall into trouble. I think the ability to make fast cash without having a purpose leaves them open to get lost in wasting it on shopping for the latest and greatest, recreational drugs and poor planning.
They become wrapped up in the high life as if they are accomplished and forget that one way or another they can’t do it forever and something will eventually give. Even if you took it out of the context of escorting look at all the people who have had one hit wonders or was a MVP but failed to plan ahead. Many end up in their 30’s without anything to show for it.
I think it’s not the act of the work but what kind of head that person has on their shoulders that would be the deciding factor
*** Correction it doesn’t matter what age you are if you are doing escort work without a goal in mind you will be more prone to waste whatever you make.
Really the same can be said for any job you do.
If an education were to be pitched to 20 + year olds. I wouldn’t be opposed. I just believe that until they have moved out on their own and have lived enough to know what they want then they should make the choice.
I think that if the person is mature, emotionally , psychologically & sexually, and they understand everything well enough that they could make an informed decision about going into this line of work, then sure. I’m 22 years old, and I consider myself to be a mature adult, and I don’t think I could ever seriously get into this line of work. I don’t know if there are many young women who could really handle it, but there’s no doubt in my mind that they are some who could.
I know many people would have qualms about this, but I suppose in this scenario we’re not really talking about getting her into street walking. My only issue, really, is that it can be very dangerous because it’s illegal. If this were legal, and regulated, then my only problem with it would be the above mentioned.
If the “powers that be” asked you to come up with a set of rules and regulations for sex workers, what would you come up with to protect both providers and customers and yet keep the exploitation at a minimum? That is, if you haven’t already done so and if so what is the title?
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