The Psychology of Kink – Introduction

There have been a number of rad fem attacks on porn, specifically BDSM porn over the past few months.  Reading some of their statements and the comments of those who visit their blogs is an exercise in humor to me because it is painfully obvious that they just have no clue about the underlying rationale behind why someone might enjoy participating in these kinds of activities.  But, then, you have to realize that many of these people find regular penis-in-vagina sexual intercourse tantamount to rape anyway, so you have to take their diatribes with a grain of salt from the get go.  Still, there’s a lot of misconceptions about the world of kink that should perhaps be addressed.

This series of articles is not intended to change the hearts and minds of those who hold such logic-devoid positions, though.  There are a lot of rational people out there who literally do not understand why someone would consent to being tied up with ropes, pinched in all manner of places with clothespins and other clamps, shocked, slapped, beaten, spit on, caned, flogged, humiliated, degraded, and grudge fucked for sexual pleasure.  That is perfectly understandable.  What I hope to do is shed some tiny bit of light on that for that breed of reader.

Prologue

Any examination of this subject has to be made with the understanding that human sexuality is nothing resembling a homologous phenomenon.   There are no single-sided explanations for anything associated with the subject.  For every sexual encounter there are a wide set of biological, environmental, psychological, emotional, and spiritual influences that form the basis for each individual’s experience with the specific set of acts that take place.  Some of those will be seen in a wholly positive light and some wholly negative, but the majority will likely be seen as something in between – a continuum, if you will.  To unilaterally dismiss anything any one person or group of people enjoys in the sexual arena reflects an abject oversimplification of the subject matter and shows a complete lack of understanding of what drives us sexually. ¹

Let’s get Kinky

There is no universal definition of what is or is not “kinky.”  Even the dictionary definitions you see in most places are subjective.  There’s an old adage that says, “Using a feather is erotic, using the whole chicken is kinky.”  Most kink play is nowhere near as well defined as that might suggest however.  There are people who find penis-in-vagina sexual intercourse in anything other than missionary kinky, whereas for others it’d have to be done on the wing of an in-flight aircraft to even approach kink.

For the purpose of this series, though, I’ll describe kinky as what is typically portrayed in many BDSM porn scenes – someone being tied up with ropes, beaten/spanked in one form or another, perhaps shocked, caned, slapped, spit on, humiliated or degraded, and, usually, grudge fucked at some point (roughly, aggressively penetrated).  To the vast majority of people this is kinky – acceptably kinky.

I’m not going to get into the hardcore kink play – things like hook suspensions, cutting, scarification, blood play, and so forth.  There are issues that go into those kinds of activities that are beyond my experience and expertise, and would fill an entire book.  In fact, the entire realm of sexual psychology would fill several books.  My attempt at explaining some things is, by necessity, an overview and not intended to be diagnostic or therapeutic, but rather to give you some insight into why people might enjoy this stuff.

The Basis for Kink Play

What you perceive as kinky comes from a combination of how you’re wired, how you were brought up, how you’ve received society’s messages about sex and sexuality, and your own personal experiences with sex.  And even within the individual, each of these will have a variable impact depending upon your life experiences.  Combine that with the chemistry you share with someone else in a sexual encounter and you have to include a whole other set of influences.   The results, like any chemical reaction, can have positive or negative consequences and may lead to a colorful, glorious explosion, or something totally inert.

A lot of what we see as kinky on an individual level comes from how we’re socialized.  You may repress “naughty” things as you grow up, for example, but they’re never really quite gone.  You may not give them much (if any) thought during most of your sexual encounters, but every once in a while they’ll rise to the surface in the primal sexual dance that we each participate in as we move through life.  And it doesn’t have to be something involving another person.  For example, you might happen across a particular porn scene that contains some graphic depiction that triggers something in your mind – something that really gets your juices going.  I’ve had that experience myself on several occasions.

The point is, as I said a moment ago, there is no situation where you can  point to any one thing and say, “That is what triggered my fascination with X.”   Well, actually, it can be narrowed down – the orgasm.  Haha!  But, all humor aside, it is an interesting and, I’d argue, important subject to study.

With that said, over the next few days, I’ll be discussing different flavors of kink and some of the psychology behind them.  I was initially going to post the entire thing at one time, but it had ballooned up to almost 5,000 words, and I know many people just don’t have that kind of attention span.  This is something I feel needs to be understood, so rather than lose a bunch of people before they read about me enjoying being spit on when I’m being fucked, I though it would be best to just break it up into nice, manageable chunks.  I hope you’ll stick around for the whole series.

The titles of the upcoming parts are as follows.  They may change a bit as I write them, but it’ll give you an idea of what you can look forward to.

Part II: Tie me up. Beat me.  Make me write bad checks!
Part III: Boundaries:  Humiliation, Degradation, and the Power Exchange
Part IV: The Psychology of Extreme Sex
Part V: BDSM in Porn, Deviance (the DSM-IV and DSM-V)
Part VI: Negative Experiences, Closing Thoughts

1. The same point is apropos regarding sexual offenders as well, btw [↩]

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