Sex Ed: Fetishes, Paraphilias, and Other Terms

As you know, I’ve begun writing a series of articles about the psychology underlying kink play.  One of the topics that often comes up when you start discussing kinky stuff is fetishism.  Mo’s comment about fetishes demonstrates that many people link the two, even though they’re not necessarily the same thing – fetishes can be a subset of kink play.

That got me to thinking, though, that there are a number of terms used in the discussion of sexuality that people don’t clearly understand.  And, consequentially, they don’t use them appropriately or within the right context.  With that in mind, I thought I’d spend a bit of time clarifying some of these terms and explain how they’re used by sexologists, psychologists, and other professionals.  I’ll be using them as they’re used in the professional realm here on the blog, so hopefully this will ensure we’re all operating on the same sheet of music.

Keep in mind these terms are subjective, so their actual meaning varies from time to time.  What was considered “deviant” 50 years ago may not be seen that way today.  Homosexuality is an excellent example of that (the opinion of bigots notwithstanding).

Normal.  The dictionary definition of normal is: conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal.  It’s that last part of the definition that inhibits most sexual professionals from associating the word with anything having to do with human sexuality.  As I and other have indicated, there’s a HUGE range of things that are common when it comes to human sexual expression.  Normal is, for all intents and purposes, arbitrary at any given point in time.  And, while some things are perhaps uncommon, they’re not necessarily abnormal.   That potential for dichotomy makes it seem as though anything not classified as normal is, by default, abnormal, and nothing could be further from the truth.  So you’ll rarely see me use the term normal to describe anything related to sexuality.

Normative.  Of or pertaining to a norm.  Normative behavior is behavior that is “common” in society; something we expect to see, or that doesn’t surprise us when we do see it.  This doesn’t come with the baggage of an inherently negative inverse like abnormal.  Normative implies acceptable or expected, and is therefore used to describe the entire range of common sexual behaviors in any given population or statistical sample.

Atypical:  A generic term used to describe anything that is not characteristic of most people at any given point in time.  Atypical behaviors may not be common, but they’re not bizarre, peculiar, or illegal.  The term is value neutral, and that is why it is used to refer to non-typical sexual behaviors.  People who engage in pee play may be said to be engaging in atypical behavior.

Variation:  Variation describes a behavior that is perhaps not widely practiced, but isn’t viewed with disdain or disapproval in general.  Some use variation synonymously with paraphilia, but that is not appropriate usage.  Paraphilias are all variations, but not all variations are paraphilias.  Homosexuality and transgenderism are examples of non-paraphilic variations.

Deviation:  Deviation has two distinct uses.  Generally, they are alternatives that are disapproved of by society at large.  Clinically, however, deviation may be different than how society sees it, meaning what psychologists see as deviance may not be identical to what society at large sees as deviance.

Perversion:  Perversion generally refers to deviant sexual behavior.  Having been coined by Freud to describe any sexual behavior that deviated from heterosexual penis-in-vagina intercourse, this term is not value neutral and is no longer used by professionals.   Today, the term has largely been co-opted by religious zealots to refer to any behavior that they deem as “inappropriate.”

Fetish:  A fetish is an erotic attachment to something nonliving (or a specific body part of a person) such that its presence is required in order for sexual arousal and/or gratification to be achieved.  Many people confuse a preference with a fetish.  For example, people will say they have a fetish for blondes when what they really mean is that they have a preference for blondes.  Unless the woman must be blonde in order for you to achieve arousal, it is not a fetish in the true sense of the word.  There are a large number of theories about the source of fetishes, and I plan to discuss these in a future article.

Paraphilia:  A paraphilia is a persistent, strong, atypical sexual urge associated with highly distracting sexual fantasies.  The DSM-IV^W describes paraphilias as “recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors generally involving 1) non-human objects, 2) the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner, or 3) children or other nonconsenting persons, that occur over a period of at least six months.”

These behaviors, sexual urges, or fantasies cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.   Someone who has an occasional obsession with something falling into one of those categories is not considered pathological, and so long as they don’t become socially or functionally incapacitating, they’re not considered a disorder.

Examples of paraphilias include:

• Voyeurism.  This refers to those who have to surreptitiously watch someone else in order to achieve sexual arousal.  Someone who goes to a strip club to watch the dancers is not a voyeur, for example.  This doesn’t mean that people who “like to watch” are disordered.  It only becomes a problem if you cannot achieve sexual arousal without watching someone else.
• Exhibitionism.  Similar to voyeurism, someone who suffers from an exhibitionism paraphilia has to expose himself in order to achieve sexual arousal.  I say “himself” because exhibitionists are almost invariably heterosexual males.  People who just enjoy having sex in front of other people, strippers, or naturists are not exhibitionists in the clinical sense of the word.
• Fetishism.  As I explained above, fetishism is, generally, an erotic fixation on a nonliving object.  If that fixation is such that the use or presence of the object is necessary to achieve sexual arousal, and is preferred over sexual intercourse or other interpersonal intimate sharing, then it becomes paraphilic and is considered disordered.
• Transvestism.  Compelling sexual fantasies and urges that take the form of dressing in clothing of the opposite gender.  Again, this is only paraphilic if it interferes with one’s ability to function.  It is almost exclusively found among (mostly heterosexual) men
• Frotteurism.  Frotteurism is a paraphilia in which a person engages in rubbing or pressing up against another person (almost invariably female) without (her) consent, usually in crowded places, in order to achieve sexual arousal/release.  There’s never been a documented case of a female frotteur.
• Sexual sadism.  Enjoyable, sexually exciting feelings that derive from hurting or humiliating and degrading another person.  Typically, the sadist gets off on the domination more so than the infliction of pain.  Those suffering from this particular paraphilia are almost exclusively males.
• Sexual masochism.  Paraphilia in which a person derives sexual gratification from being humiliated, physically beaten, tied up, or made to experience pain in some way.  There is a much greater percentage of females who experience this particular paraphilia compared to all others, and generally more women are masochists than men.
• Pedophilia.  Pedophilia is highly misunderstood and the term is applied incorrectly so often these days that it is no wonder people don’t have a clue what it really means.  DSM-IV defines pedophilia as persistent sexual attraction toward pre-pubescent children only.   The terms persistent and pre-pubescent are the two most important components of that determination.  It is not uncommon, nor is there anything unnatural with an occasional sexual attraction toward young people.  But once it becomes a persistent thing and/or involves pre-pubescent children, it becomes problematic, especially if acted upon.  Sexual attraction toward teenagers is NOT pedophilic (See Ephebophilia^W).    The diagnosis of pedophilia is a bit problematic as well because one of the criterion for determining the presence of clinical paraphilia is that the individual is distressed by their own thoughts, actions, etc., and that is usually not the case with pedophiles.

There is a lot of discussion, and disagreement, as to what causes specific paraphilias.  Some believe they’re a reaction to a fear of being intimate (fetishism), some believe they’re a way of releasing hostility (sexual sadism), and others believe they may stem from feelings of inadequacy (pedophilia, voyeurism).  Some believe paraphilic behavior may be genetically based.  I may also address this in a future article as well.

Hopefully this will help you understand the various terms used in the discussion of human sexuality.  At least, they’ll help you out here. 

1. Escort Industry Terms A couple of weeks ago, I posted an article for...

 Email This  Print This

Tagged as: exhibitionism, fetish, paraphilia, pedophilia, sadomasochism, voyeurism