Watch Me Watch You Watch Me
September 11, 2008
In a post I made several weeks ago about sense-sational sex, I mentioned that sex was always a sensual experience for me. There are several aspects to that, as I alluded to in that article, but there’s one in particular that I really enjoying playing with.
I’ve taken a good 30 or so women into their first lesbian experiences, and one of the things I like to do when I get ready to go down on a woman that first time - her first time - is to make her watch me do it. Think about that for a minute.
Many women (and many men, as well, for that matter) will lie back and close their eyes when you’re performing oral on them. Generally what they’re doing is dissociating themselves from the experience - they’re visualizing themselves being fucked as if they were a third party in the room. There are a variety of psychological reasons behind this, but that is beyond what I want to focus on in this article.
By forcing them to watch me, they connect what they’re feeling with the immediacy of the act itself, and with the person performing the act. When you watch my tongue move toward your clit (or your cock), there’s a tiny, almost imperceptible fraction of a second where your brain knows something is coming. That brief snippet of anticipation is the spiritual equivalent of skin hunger - your mind craves what is coming and in anticipation of it, your brain, your cunt, literally begs for it to happen. I’ve even known the hair to stand on its end and chill bumps to rise up on some women when I’ve hesitated for a second of two before making contact, the reaction is that powerful.
When that contact is made, and you see me looking into your eyes, it provides a direct connection between your brain and what you’re feeling in your cunt or your cock. So rather than visualizing yourself as someone being performed upon, you put yourself in the more immediate position of being in that moment, in a continuous, (hopefully) positive feedback loop with your partner. And to me, that is what sex should be about (even casual and paid sex).
That eye contact also allows me to read the person I am fucking. I can tell by watching the reaction in your eyes (as well as sensing your breathing and body movements) if what I am doing is “working” for you or not, and can adjust my technique accordingly. That skill is one thing that makes me a great fellatrix/cunnilinguist in my opinion. When women ask me about how to give good head to a guy, I’ll tell them one of the most important things you can do to make it much more erotic for him is to look into his eyes when you’re fucking his cock with your mouth. Eye contact works magic, for all genders. 
And you see me watching you, too, so it causes you to expose yourself in a way - an exposure of your psyche. There’s an old saying that the eyes are the gateway into the soul, and nothing is more accurate when it comes to sex I believe. The connection made through forced eye contact can be very tenuous initially, or even embarrassing to some people, especially those who are not as open with their sexuality with themselves as others might be. Making them watch me go down on them is my way of forcing them to live their sexuality in that moment and connecting with it, though. You can’t close your eyes and pretend you’re watching yourself, or pretend to be someone else, or pretend that I am someone else. You have to sit there and watch me watch you watch me.
You may ask how I force them to watch me. If you think about the very first time someone went down on you, what would you have done if you’d been there with your legs spread open, your cunt all hot and wet, begging for attention, your partner getting ready to make contact, and your partner just…stopped? Or, if you’re a guy, the first time you got a blow job, what would you have done if you had this huge erection, just waiting to be buried in someone’s mouth, and all of the sudden your partner just …stopped? You’d have been terribly upset, right? I’ve only had two women object when I first told them I wanted them to watch me (though I have had to coax many more into watching), and in both instances I refused to go any further until they acquiesced. I told them, if you’re not going to watch me do it, then I am not going any further. That begging, that hunger I referred to earlier pushes them to the point where they gave in. And watched.
Is that mean? Perhaps on some level you could make that argument, and I suspect they’d have agreed with you initially. But I know, through conversations with many of my partners afterward, the orgasms they had from my oral attention on them those first times were extremely powerful. And I’ve had several tell me later that making them watch me was the hottest thing they’d ever experienced up to that point.
It is music to my ears to have someone say that to me about a sexual experience. 
And I guess I should point out that I don’t make them watch me the whole time, just initially. I mean, hell, even I close my eyes when I cum. It’d be hypocritical (and probably fruitless) to try to make someone else keep their eyes open through that!. 
Posted by Alexa | Filed Under Miscellaneous, Sexuality
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Lovely evocative post.
Oral, for me, has always been the nicest way to express sexuality.
Whether to give or to receive; both are wonderful.
To try to enhance what you are giving…………..in the anticipation of what you might recieve……………well…………..quite mind blowing at times.
Mutuality is the key.
I think that’s incredibly hot and an extremely good idea. *makes mental note*
Hey Alexa- I just found your blog, and I really enjoy it. The world of sexwork is endlessly fascinating to me, and you write about it really well. Keep writing!
I agree with you. Looking into each other’s eyes as you experience an orgasm is heavenly. Nothing quite as exotic as the eyes at that special moment.