Sex with Men vs. Sex with Women
July 5, 2008
I’ve been asked several times about the differences between sex with men and sex with women. Each is a unique kind of experience, and trying to explain the differences to someone who has not been with both sexes is a bit difficult to do, but I’ll give it a shot. I consider myself what I like to refer to as a true bisexual - I fully enjoy sex equally with members of both genders. I don’t necessarily believe that sex with one gender is better than the other – they’re just different.
Note that these are solely my opinions, and are generalities, not rules, and are based upon my own experiences. Sex is a highly personalized interaction and there are really no such things as hard and fast rules when it comes to this particular subject. Still, it is possible to draw some generalities with respect to how the two genders interact when it comes to sex – the individuals involved have to decide if any particular one is better than the other for themselves.
First off, penetrative sex with a guy involves what I refer to as an erotic power struggle - a confluence of dominant vs. submissive, if you will. And I don’t mean that in a negative way. In fact, it is actually very much a positive thing as I see it. What I mean is, during the physical act of having sex the guy must exert a certain amount of physical force or power against which the woman must react in order for either/both to achieve orgasm. That forceful penetration and the reaction to it is one of *the* best things about sex with a guy in my opinion. Even being penetrated by a woman with a strap-on is nowhere near as satisfying as it is when a live cock is involved. An owner of a real penis has a feedback loop that helps guide him during the act of intercourse (the fact that some may be clueless to it or choose to ignore it notwithstanding). He can sense if he’s going too deep, if the lube is drying up, or if she’s squeezing her PC muscles, and all of this (ideally) works to facilitate a mutually beneficial outcome. With a strap-on, there is no such feedback, and the person wearing the it generally derives no significant benefit from it outside knowing that she’s giving her partner pleasure.
With perhaps the possible exception of a woman performing oral sex on a guy, almost by its very nature the act of penetrative sex with a man requires the woman to be submissive; this is imposed on us by the fundamental biological differences that exist between the male and female. I add the qualifier regarding oral sex because I believe it is possible to construct a valid argument that sucking a man’s cock is not a submissive act (though I realize many feminist types might disagree with that). Any woman who knows how much control she’s had of a man when she’s had her lips wrapped around his cock knows exactly what I mean by that. 
When two women have sex, however, the encounter is far more egalitarian in nature – each has the capability of performing upon the other in like fashion and that dominant/submissive disparity doesn’t exist. So that innate power struggle that occurs between a male and female is absent, and in many ways that provides a safer space for the women to express themselves sexually. For some women, however, the absence of that reassuring comfort of being in a strong man’s embrace might actually inhibit sexual expression.
Each type of interaction has its benefits depending upon your point of view and/or the mood you’re in at the time, though. I mean, the act of being dominated in bed that takes place when a guy fucks a woman cannot be duplicated between two women - I don’t care what anyone else says. Conversely, the tenderness that occurs with two women making love cannot be replicated between a man and a woman in my opinion.
With men, ego is a much more significant concern. For example, if a woman asks a guy to do something different (“Could you change the way you’re eating my pussy?”), in many cases, the male’s ego will be bruised. This generally isn’t intentional of course, but guys are just indoctrinated in our society to believe that they should know what they are doing in bed. Fortunately, it is becoming seen as much more acceptable for men to ask for direction when they’re performing on women nowadays. There’s no shame in that. In fact, having a receptive, attentive man who’s willing to adapt to my needs on the fly at my crotch is a huge personal turn on. The feminine ego does not get in the way of this in bed like the masculine one does; at least, not in my experience.
Many guys are too timid to ask for or participate in anything outside of pure, vanilla sex (oral, vaginal, and maybe anal). Much of this goes along with the concept that guys must be the ones in control in the bedroom (though some societal conditioning also plays a role), and seems to obviate itself more with a man’s regular partner than when he’s fucking someone on a one-night stand. A lot of that has to do with not wanting to be seen as a “freak” or “weird” or being frightened of what the woman’s reaction might be and the potential for damage to a standing relationship. I can understand that. In fact, much of my business is generated by just that hesitation from the guys. Many guys would hesitate to ask their girlfriends or wives to allow them to “face fuck” them, but would have little hesitation in asking me to allow them to do it.
Similarly, if a woman expresses a desire to try something different, especially if it involves some act being performed on the guy (“Let me stick my finger in your ass while I give you head – you’ll love it.”), the guys are also frequently reluctant to acquiesce. Women are much more open to experimentation if the request comes from another woman I’ve found. I believe this is because a woman will trust another one to know what hurts, what works, what doesn’t, etc., and believes that she wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt her; whereas guys are not always known for their gentleness (again, not necessarily a bad thing)! A terrific example would be anal play. If a guy asks a woman to allow him to stick a finger (or his cock) in her ass out of the clear blue, the woman typically has a “no way!” reaction. At least, initially. If a woman asks another woman to allow her to stick a finger in her ass, she is much more willing to allow her to try it. I once had sex with two sorority girls in which one of them had experienced a really bad episode with a guy and anal in the past. When I went for her asshole with my tongue, she freaked out and jerked away. After I calmed her down and explained what I was going to do she relaxed and let me do my thing and she had one of the strongest orgasms she’d ever experienced (her friend was under her eating her pussy at the same time). She trusted me because I was a female and understood that I wasn’t going to hurt her. That wouldn’t have occurred had I been a guy I don’t believe.
Sex with another woman occurs on a much different emotional plane than sex with a guy does. When two women are in bed together, they bond emotionally much more readily than a man and a woman will and it takes on the aura of a much more spiritual experience rather than a purely physical one. This, of course, is derivative of the natural ease with which women form interpersonal bonds in their daily lives to begin with. That sharing of emotional commonality allows for a greater connection between the spirits of the two women, and I just don’t think that is wholly possible between a man and a woman (except perhaps in those soul mate kinds of relationships). This is one reason why I think every woman should have sex with another woman at least once in her life – it is so markedly different than sex with a man, and opens you up to new insight into how you view your own sensuality.
Stamina levels are also typically quite disparate between men and women. I can lie in bed with another woman for hours having sex and neither of us will feel rushed; just touching, stroking, licking, biting, kissing, etc. Many guys are, by and large, programmed for “fuck and forget” and after a fairly short period of time, they’ll tire of even just being in the bed. I love having “Multiple O” contests with other women, seeing who can get the other off the most times. That’s almost unheard of in sex between a man and a woman. Unless, of course, you luck up and get a guy who’s got some Tantric sex experience.
For women who’ve masturbated and know their own bodies well, they come equipped with the innate ability to please another woman without having to learn their way around. That is not to say that it doesn’t take some effort to figure out what gets the other woman off, but a woman knows where the clit is and how to approach it right off the bat, whereas most guys just…don’t. I have taken first-timers (women) into the bedroom and within a few minutes and a little coaching and encouragement they can eat pussy like a champ. For some guys, it often takes a long time to get them to learn how to do it correctly (and from what I understand, some never do!). They’ve just never been on the receiving end of that and have no frame of reference for how it feels. Again, this is a product of biological disparity. I’ve heard bisexual men state that men know how to suck cock better than women for the same reason – women just don’t have the frame of reference to know how certain actions feel when performed on a cock. There’s nothing wrong with that; it is just a fact of life.
Let’s see, some other disparities. Guys and girls have different scents when they’re having sex. With a guy, it is much more animalistic; whereas with a woman it is a much muskier, sweeter odor. With a guy, the touch is much stronger, much more powerful. With a woman, it is a gentler, more comforting, reassuring kind of touch.
Then there’s the issue of trust. For me personally, I am able to relinquish myself wholly to another woman much more readily than I can to a guy, for many of the reasons stated above. For those of you that have gotten to that level with anyone (male or female), you know how empowering that can be for both sides during a sexual encounter. It’s not that I literally don’t trust the guy I am in bed with (if I didn’t, I sure wouldn’t be fucking him). But with another woman, it is easier to trust that she won’t do anything to hurt you (intentionally or unintentionally) than it is with a man, if for no other reason than she knows (or should know) how to treat the female body.
So there you have it in a nutshell. As I said, I don’t really consider sex with one gender any better than the other; they’re just, well, different. Whether or not one is better than the other is derived from the attitude of the individual(s) involved, their willingness to learn and to coach, and the attention to detail that each brings with them, rather than which gender they are. I know a lot of what I have just written makes it sound like I enjoy sex with women more than I do with men. I can see how you might take that away from this. But that isn’t true. As I said, each has its benefits. I just happen to be able to express the more feminine side of it a bit better I suppose. 
I would certainly be interested in hearing about anyone else’s experience with both genders, including any of the guys who are bisexual and have been with men and women.
Comments
24 Responses to “Sex with Men vs. Sex with Women”
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Arekkusa,
I love this post because it virtually mirrors my own thoughts and feelings as well as our many debates and discussions about our sexuality. I think you’ve truly articulated some wonderful differences here, and I agree, each is wonderful in its own way. I especially was drawn to this passage:
Sex with another woman occurs on a much different emotional plane than sex with a guy does. When two women are in bed together, they bond emotionally much more readily than a man and a woman will and it takes on the aura of a much more spiritual experience rather than a purely physical one. This, of course, is derivative of the natural ease with which women form interpersonal bonds in their daily lives to begin with. That sharing of emotional commonality allows for a greater connection between the spirits of the two women…
I see this in the exact same terms — also too, perhaps because of my own life experience and my own personal views of my own sexuality, but for me, expressing those emotions I feel towards another woman thru my sexuality is perhaps the most beautiful thing I have ever known.
There’s a pureness between two women which isn’t there between a man and a woman IMO. And psychologically, for me anyway, I find those experiences to be much more emotionally fulfilling for me. I’m much more at ease psychologically with another woman, much more able to lower my defenses and allow her inside.
Unafraid is the word I’m thinking of here…
And while you are indeed a true bisexual; I would almost self identify along those lines too, but I find myself increasingly aware and attuned to the simple fact that I prefer women. Not that I don’t enjoy sex with men — but when I’m with another woman, it reaches me in a place where no man has ever been able to reach inside me.
I find that another woman is capable of penetrating me in ways that a thousand cocks never could…
Lovely musings my darling.
xoxo,
nina
I enjoyed your post very much. So many things to say. I would love to be a lesbian woman for the day — I think I would very much enjoy the kind of sex you wrote about and that I have thought about many times before. I wonder whether the difficulty in men and women enjoying the same sort of casual intimacy (without the dominance, or the sense of domination, or the need to define the domination) is driven by the man’s ego (re which I agree with your points, regrettably), or also the woman’s desire/need to engage with men that way. In other words, if a guy wanted to lounge around all afternoon on a rainy day and lick and play with a woman would the woman stand for it? Is it only trust (which is the initial, big obstacle) or is it more? Interesting question for you, as an extremely perceptive bisexual woman: could you ever have that kind of sex with a man if he behaved properly and you could trust him to?
@ Alan
I’ll admit that I saw three shades of lesbian purple when I first read your response… but, I think I’d actually like to try and offer you some perspective.
I would love to be a lesbian woman for the day
There’s a whole lot more to being lesbian than just the sex — but since we are talking about sex here; I’m curious as to why men always seem to feel as tho they’re missing out on something when two women are sexual? And the only way that they seem to be able to process that information or stimulus is to envision or imagine themselves as female and or lesbian.
You ask this (without my quoting your entire passage)
Is it only trust (which is the initial, big obstacle) or is it more?
Well, of course its more — that’s kind of the point here, but its also different. When women are together, those things exist in places outside of a man’s typical understanding because you don’t possess the life context and experience of being female. Women respond differently with other women than we do men. There’s no real way around that.
You then ask:
could you ever have that kind of sex with a man if he behaved properly and you could trust him to?
This confuses me. What makes you think that the sex we have with men isn’t equally rewarding on many levels but is still different than the sex we have with each other?
It isn’t about a man acting like a woman or being sensitive to our needs or anything like that at all — women sharing love and sex with each other is just different because we both share a common life experience simply because we’re both female. We process and understand things in entirely different ways with each other than we do with men, and it isn’t something which can be replicated or mimicked with a man.
That isn’t to say that levels of trust and intimacy aren’t there in heterosexual relationships; they are. They’re just different.
I would love to be a lesbian woman for the day
Does that include bleeding, cramps, moodiness, sore breasts, backaches, discharge, yeast infections, hormones, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause, mammograms, pap smears, second tier citizen status, glass ceilings, rape, and fighting the phallacracy too?
Or you just want to have a pussy for a day to know what that’s all about, is that it? ;)
Gotcha.
Be careful what you wish for, dear…
~ nina
I love having “Multiple O” contests with other women, seeing who can get the other off the most times. That’s almost unheard of in sex between a man and a woman. Unless, of course, you luck up and get a guy who’s got some Tantric sex experience.
I have taken first-timers (women) into the bedroom and within a few minutes and a little coaching and encouragement they can eat pussy like a champ.
id love to spend a night with you
There are more than two genders. There are more than two sexes.
I know plenty of people who get off fucking their partner while using a strap-on. For a woman, penetrative sex with a man does not necessitate his dominance over hers. The generalities you paint not only don’t fit my reality, but don’t fit the reality of tens of thousands of people.
Phoenix,
There are more than two genders. There are more than two sexes
Yes, I realize that. I wasn’t going to write this to fit every possible gender identity. You’re missing the point, actually, but please read on.
The generalities you paint not only don’t fit my reality, but don’t fit the reality of tens of thousands of people.
I’m guessing you lack even a rudimentary understanding of the concept underlying the term “generalities?”
And perhaps you missed this statement, made in the second paragraph: Note that these are solely my opinions, and are generalities, not rules, and are based upon my own experiences.
I’ve used a strap-on as well (which you’d know if you’d bothered to have read anything other than this one post), so I am intimately familiar with that as well.
And, finally,
For a woman, penetrative sex with a man does not necessitate his dominance over hers.
The very act of penetration is, almost by definition, one of dominance. When was the last time you saw a submissive penetrating someone?
Perhaps you might try re-reading what I’ve said here and backing off your narrow little paradigm of how *you* interpret words like “dominance” and “submission” and see if it makes any more sense to you.
Note to those of you coming over from Pantryslut’s blog. Since she’s seen fit to stiffle anyone who supports me or disagrees with her on her blog, I am not going to allow you to pollute my blog with your words, either.
Turnabout is fair play, no?
I have seen submissives penetrating their dominants, as a submissive act, to bring sexual pleasure to the dominant.
And I have seen women fuck in a very dominant way, when they were on top. Yes, the dick needs to stay hard (which is different from the legs just needing to stay open) but that’s not usually hard to accomplish if there are no medical issues.
Fwiw, some theorists talks about the vagina *enveloping* the penis, which puts a nice spin on things.
Jennifer, to your second statement there, again, I point to the fact that I was reflecting on the generalities of the dichotomy here, not stating that it wasn’t possible for a woman to fuck a man, or be dominant, etc. In fact, I have used strap-ons to fuck women, and I have had women fuck me, thereby replicating the male/female power balance I was referring to earlier. That would be negating my own point if we were to take everything I said here literally.
Not only was I not denying anyone else’s experience (I did expressly state that this was based on my on personal experiences), but I also made the statement that “Sex is a highly personalized interaction and there are really no such things as hard and fast rules when it comes to this particular subject.” I’m not sure what more I could do to make people understand that this wasn’t an attempt to categorize the way everyone sees this. Jesus.
I guess from now on I need to point out a little more diligently when you should not read literally into something, and should concentrate more on the metaphorical aspects of the writing.
Jennifer,
Having seen you make the statement on the other blog that “(I’m sure my experience would also be erased if it came within sight of her keyboard.)” it becomes apparent to me that you, too, lack the basic capacity to read and interpret material written in what is commonly referred to as “English.”
Once again, please go back and re-read what I’ve written, especially the part about me speaking relative to my personal experience, sweety.
I can’t, and won’t, be responsible for you people being unable to comprehend basic English. It is a skill taught in most middle and high schools, and even some colleges nowadays, and I think it is incumbent upon those of you reading someone else’s material to read, interpret and comprehend the material correctly before commenting on it.
Alexa,
I heard you had some trouble with someone with a Livejournal blog.
Well, she admitted to me that she found this post while reading sexoteric.com — Stanley is suchasweetie isn’t he? ;)
I left her a comment that she interpreted as a personal attack, and she’s banned me from making any more comments in the future. Apparently one must be in 100% agreement with, and suck up to the aforementioned Pantryslut in order to be heard there.
What’s more disturbing is that “she” (I’m assuming that it’s a she here) claims to be a writer!
I wonder… what kind of writer takes comfort in scouring sex blogs for other people’s entries so she can then take them and post about them and ridicule them on her Livejournal site, and then have all her sycophants chime in with their two cents about them?
Probably a very bad one I would think… and a terribly insecure person too.
I mean, who does shit like that???
Alexa, your entry was intelligent and articulate, as I intimated to Pantryslut
Maybe she needs to stay her fat ass out the pantry and acquaint herself with a stairmaster and get the fuck off the internet for a while before she decides to take shots at people who write articles she can’t be bothered to read … and are clearly too complicated for her to understand.
love always,
nina
what kind of writer takes comfort in scouring sex blogs for other people’s entries so she can then take them and post about them and ridicule them
Well, I mean, it’s almost like she showed up with this preconceived notion about what she was going to read, and it lived up to her expectations. You kind of get that impression from her verbiage, “Someone dishes out the same ol’ same ol’ on the supposed differences between sex with men and sex with women.” She came here expecting the same ol….whatever, and that’s exactly what she saw.
She read the words, but didn’t bother to read what was being said. Nor, obviously, did any of her minions. That’s sad considering she’s allegedly a “writer.” You’d think a “writer” would be an expert at reading into what people write.
Love the article, even though personally my experience with women is limited to kissing only. May change in the future though, my boyfriend wants a threesome with another woman and I could not deny that I was curious (Btw, if you were from Michigan, I would so love for it to be you lol). It was very insightful to read your views on it.
And who is this Pantryslut? lol I love Nina’s comment about getting her ass out of the pantry and onto the stairmaster lmao classic
She read the words, but didn’t bother to read what was being said. Nor, obviously, did any of her minions. That’s sad considering she’s allegedly a “writer.” You’d think a “writer” would be an expert at reading into what people write.
Well, of course! But, you would think a “writer” would have sense enough not to allow someone else’s words to become fodder for the absolute ignorance and cruelty I’ve seen displayed on her Livejournal site either!
I mean, if she actually had something to add, or perhaps used your post as a base for “why” she disagreed? That would be one thing. If she acted like an adult and allowed intelligent discourse … that would be one thing. If she didn’t allow any idiot with an apparent fourth grade reading comprehension and maturity level with an internet connection to engage in such absurd mockery, that would be one thing.
But that’s exactly what’s happened there, which brings me back to my original point… I doubt she’s a particularly good writer, kwim?
And she’s probably quite the twat in RL, too.
xoxo,
nina
Nichole,
even though personally my experience with women is limited to kissing only. May change in the future though, my boyfriend wants a threesome with another woman and I could not deny that I was curious
And if/when you do experience it, yours may be wholly different from mine. Some women have the experience, and it does absolutely nothing for them. But, the one true thing is that you won’t know until you try.
(Btw, if you were from Michigan, I would so love for it to be you lol).
alexa,
i’m one of those livejournal people….
i think that, possibly, some of us are reacting to the fact that, even though you DID say “these are my opinions based on my experiences” the majority of your article then went on to generalize about the man/woman woman/woman interaction. once you started to make generalizations about sexual dynamics, i’ll admit it, you lost me.
for instance — my own experiences re: the man/woman dynamic are very different from yours. i certainly don’t see penetrative sex as necessarily having to be a male/female dominant/submissive scenario…it has NOT been that way in my life. i’m pretty sexually aggressive and often tend to be the “leader” in bed (or wherever else we might be getting it on). when i’m with a man, i’m rarely in the position of “submitting” to a penis. i want to be on top! :)
also, nina, you’re a bit overzealous in protecting your friend. no one that i’m aware of attacked alexa personally on livejournal, and yet here you are calling pantryslut a fat ass, etc. not cool.
Moya,
I am allowing your comment through the moderation queue because you weren’t nasty and condescending, unlike some of your cohorts. I appreciate that.
i think that, possibly, some of us are reacting to the fact that, even though you DID say “these are my opinions based on my experiences” the majority of your article then went on to generalize about the man/woman woman/woman interaction. once you started to make generalizations about sexual dynamics, i’ll admit it, you lost me.
Quite frankly, I’m not sure what you’d have me do. Do you want me to preface every statement I make with the same disclaimer, so that you’d have that continuous reinforcement as to the fact it is my opinion?
As I see it, once I qualify the post with a statement that it represents my personal views and experiences, I don’t see why the reader would expect it to magically morph into a treatise that is meant to apply to everyone. Once is enough, IMO. As I said earlier, I can’t be held responsible for the reader’s inability to maintain a consistent grasp of what is being communicated. I am certainly open to any suggestions you might have as to how it could’ve been handled better.
And I appreciate your personal experience. It was never my intent to have my experience serve as a supplantive representation of yours. Again, as I said, each person experiences sex in their own unique way. I, too, have spent a great deal of time “on top” and I still see it as a submissive act to be penetrated. You can’t speak to how I view my sexual experiences, nor can I speak to how you view yours. And that was never my intent.
Again, thank you for being civil with your comment (Nina might take issue with my characterization of that, however! lol)
Indeed I will.
moya,
Huh.
also, nina, you’re a bit overzealous in protecting your friend. no one that i’m aware of attacked alexa personally on livejournal, and yet here you are calling pantryslut a fat ass, etc. not cool.
May I ask — do you all have reading comprehension issues?
What I said was this: “Maybe she needs to stay her fat ass out the pantry”
Which is not the same as me calling her a “fat ass”
But let’s get to the heart of the issue, shall we?
I left a single comment there in defense of Alexa and was banned from leaving any more, by Pantryslut. So, perhaps you need to take that up with her before you complain about how I defend someone who you don’t really know who she is to me, now do you?
However, here are some of the highlights of what Pantryslut felt was acceptable to be posted about Alexa:
“But she must be right. She’s an expert. She’s a true bisexual!”
“Oh god. Gag me with your egalitarian dildo.”
“I’m left with a distinct impression that she’s never fucked a man from on top.”
“I got that impression too. Particularly during her discussion of cocksucking.”
I don’t think I need to go on. I’ve made my point, haven’t I?
So, in plain and simple English… I’ll defend Alexa in any manner of my choosing when confronted with these kind of idiotic remarks.
But wait! I can’t! Can I?
Pantryslut doesn’t allow people who disagree with her to leave comments there!
One can only wonder why…
Why she seems to feel that Alexa’s article somehow “erases her experience” is quite simply beyond me tho. Screams of immense insecurity about her own sexuality to me, clinically speaking of course.
nina aoki
i differ with you that “once is enough” when telling people/readers that “this is my opinion”. it’s easy to overlook a one-line statement. :)
if i were you and i’d written this article (which wouldn’t happen because i’m just not that good a writer!), i’d have stayed away from the generalities. if i can be so bold as to take a couple of your sentences and re-write them, i’ll show you what i mean:
First off, FOR ME, penetrative sex with a guy involves what I refer to as an erotic power struggle - a confluence of dominant vs. submissive, if you will. And I don’t mean that in a negative way. In fact, it is actually very much a positive thing as I see it. What I mean is, during the physical act of having sex the guy must exert a certain amount of physical force or power against which the woman *I* must react in order for either/both *of us* to achieve orgasm.
see what i mean? i know it would take a lot more time and thought to make your article less about generalities and more about your experience, but i think it’s worth it to be careful.
and, yeah, about the “on top” thing and how our individual personal experiences differ. i get that, i do, and i don’t think you were trying to negate anyone else’s experiences. still, having said that, i do think we ALL get ourselves into trouble when we generalize. if you’re going to do it, then you have to be prepared for the flack, and not just dismiss people who take offense at *your* generalizations.
it’s easy to overlook a one-line statement. :)
Not if you’re reading for comprehension.
see what i mean? i know it would take a lot more time and thought to make your article less about generalities and more about your experience, but i think it’s worth it to be careful.
I don’t disagree with that at all. In retrospect, I probably would attempt to make it a bit more clear. Quite frankly, though, you folks are the first ones who’ve made an issue of it (and it’s been shopped around a good bit, both before and after it was posted here).
if you’re going to do it, then you have to be prepared for the flack, and not just dismiss people who take offense at *your* generalizations
I don’t have a problem with people disagreeing with me at all, when they do it with some sense of civility, and when they at least demonstrate a comprehension of what I was saying. I’m not sure how you can disagree with something you haven’t comprehended.
May I also add something?
Does the concept of “personal blog” simply evade all of you?
Wouldn’t it follow that *anything* someone posted on their personal blog would be considered their opinion?
i differ with you that “once is enough” when telling people/readers that “this is my opinion”. it’s easy to overlook a one-line statement. :)
Sure it is. If you’re blind!
And it still doesn’t excuse anything which was said about Alexa either.
Pantryslut should make this right and delete that entry, or at a minimum, all comments which attack Alexa.
Somehow I seriously doubt that she has the class to do just that.
I would certainly be interested in hearing about anyone else’s experience with both genders, including any of the guys who are bisexual and have been with men and women.
Speaking as a bisexual man (at least some of the time in my life), I’ve found that presented gender ranks below “social situation” (one-night stand, ongoing relationship, bathhouse/sex party) and “individual negotiated dynamic” (when there’s been time for such negotiation beforehand) and, indeed, “level of experience (both with each other and individually” in determining the feel of the experience, the way it goes, etc.
I suppose some might argue that “bisexual” isn’t even accurate, as the gender binary isn’t really something I subscribe to.
Steven,
I’ve found that presented gender ranks below “social situation” (one-night stand, ongoing relationship, bathhouse/sex party) and “individual negotiated dynamic” (when there’s been time for such negotiation beforehand) and, indeed, “level of experience (both with each other and individually” in determining the feel of the experience, the way it goes, etc.
That’s an interesting way to look at it. In fact, that generates an idea for a future post.
I suppose some might argue that “bisexual” isn’t even accurate, as the gender binary isn’t really something I subscribe to
You’re right, some people do not subscribe to the binary construct of gender. I don’t, in fact. With respect to this post, though, I made the point earlier that I wasn’t going to try to frame the post around all of the possible variations in gender.
In fact, my use of the term true bisexual here was a reflection of the fact that I enjoy being sexual equally with the two genders presented (and which was framed to reflect how most people understand the concept of gender in the first place). Many people prefer one gender over the other, and there are debates about whether or not someone who has a preference like that are either straight with a leaning toward gayness, or gay with a leaning toward straightness, etc. There’s a whole can of political worms there, to be sure.
As a matter of fact, I now embrace the concept of sexual fluidity, especially with respect to women. But that, too, is a subject for further discussion on a future post - beyond the original idea behind this post.
Anyway, thanks for dropping by.
Alexa,
A final thought on this…
I just took a peek over on that Livejournal site… and good lord, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
I think it was smart of you to shut it down and not let any more of their absurd comments thru here — they clearly need and want the attention. Such a shame that grown people seem to need to get every ounce of human validation in their lives from the internet.
And yes… they are reading here too.
The term “lowest common denominator” seems to apply here. lmfao!
Or maybe, “I see stupid people…”
Talk to you soon sweetie,
xoxo,
nina