“Where do you work?”
June 26, 2008
In this post, I made reference to an interesting conversation I had with the girl who processed my rental application for my apartment in San Francisco.
One of the questions on the application is “Place of Employment.” Naturally, I wrote “self-employed.”
“I see you are self-employed. What do you do?”
How to answer that question. I knew I’d eventually encounter the interrogatory, but I hadn’t expected it so soon! I just got here! Fuck.
I am a firm believer in being open about anything sexual. But my job is in many ways technically illegal, and being to “open” about it means running the risk of being arrested. So what do I tell people when they ask what I do for a living? That has implications not just in this moment, but for the future as well. What do I say?
I am a sex therapist.
I am a relationship counselor.
I am a professional companion.
Nina likes to refer to me as a professional slut. Would that work? Um, probably not.
Does it really matter? As Belle Du Jour intoned at the beginning of Showtime’s, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, “Escort, hooker, prostitute, whore, I don’t mind what you call me; that’s just semantics.” [I have yet to see that show, btw]
The point is correct, of course. It is just semantics. Prostitution is prostitution. Prostitution is illegal.
I could say any number of things; I could lie, or I could tell the truth. The way you frame it and the context you place it in often determines how it is received on the other end. I had to decide if I trusted this girl enough to explain to her I fuck people for money.
“Well, I was a dancer in Florida. Dancer, as in stripper.”
“Really? We have a couple of women living here now who are strippers, actually.” It didn’t even appear to phase her. That was a good sign.
“No kidding. I guess I’ll like it here, then.” (laughter)
“Will you be dancing here?”
“No.” And I explained how when we came to SF back in January we’d researched the clubs and found that, in most of them, the dancers were expected to “service” the customers.
“So the dancers fuck the customers?”
“In many cases, yes.” I was encouraged by how freely she used the word “fuck.” That tells me a lot about someone when they’re not afraid to use that word in front of people who are, for all intents and purposes, strangers. The fact that she used it with us indicated that she was comfortable with us. We’d been talking for quite a bit up to this point anyway, and I had already started play flirting with her like I do just about anyone else that has any sense of gregariousness about them and whom I find attractive, physically or psychologically. “In my opinion if you’re going to have to fuck the customers, you might as well do it for real and play it safe. So that’s what I decided to do.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m a pro.”
*blank stare from her*
*eyes pop open*
“You’re a…hooker? I mean, um, wait, what are you saying?”
“I’m an ‘escort.’ Are you familiar with that term?”
“Sort of, I think. Isn’t that what they call the higher end…well, hookers?” (laughs)
“Basically, yeah.” *waits for response*
“Well, I don’t really know much about that kind of stuff. You’re not planning on using the apartment for that, are you?”
“Oh, no. Hell, no. The apartment is my sanctuary. I’ll be seeing clients at hotels or their houses.”
“Isn’t that a bit dangerous?”
I went on to explain some of the basic ideas behind the job and how everything works, including the screening of clients and so forth. She seemed genuinely interested in what I was telling her. I got no sense of judgment from her and no indication that she’d do anything with the information other than store it in her own memory banks.
“So, how much do you make as an escort? On your app here you indicated your annual income is around $50 thousand.”
“I suspect, or rather hope, that it will be far more productive than that.” And I explained how the pricing works and so forth. We spent a few more minutes discussing how I got into this, that I was using it to pay for college, and what I planned to do after I got my Master’s, blah, blah, blah.
“Wow, sounds like you have it all planned out. I’ll definitely say you don’t fit the stereotype of a hooker.”
“Thanks for that. ” (laughter) “I would prefer that you not talk to anyone about what I do. Like I said, this is to be my sanctuary and I’d prefer that no one who lives or works here know what I do, if for no other reason than my own personal safety and privacy.”
“Oh, I understand completely. I won’t say anything to anyone. I think it is very interesting and I’d never do anything to get you in trouble.” She also reiterated that I couldn’t use the apartment for work, since it was illegal and doing illegal stuff would get me tossed out on my ass.
And with that we finished out the paperwork, went up to the apartment to take a look around and make any notes about deficiencies in the apartment (we found a few minors ones), and she turned over the keys and access card to me.
“So you’re going to be a sex educator when you graduate?”
“I hope so, yes.”
“You know a lot about sex?”
Nikki busted out laughing when apartment girl asked the question. “She knows a LOT about sex. She’s even taught me a thing or two.” Nikki put one of her famous seductive grins on her face and winked at me playfully.
“Are you two…a couple?”
“Yes. We’ve been together for about three years, more or less.”
“So you’ll be living here, too?”
“No, she’s got a job in Miami and will be leaving next week to go home.”
“Wow. That’s…weird. So you’re going to be here by yourself, going to school, and working as an escort?”
“Yep.”
(To Nikki) “And you’re okay with that?”
“Sure.”
“Well, it’s obvious you two have a special relationship. I don’t think I’d like my partner fucking other people, especially for money.”
“I understand. And to characterize our relationship only as ’special’ would do it an injustice.” We spent a few minutes walking through the apartment and talking about why I moved to San Francisco, school and so forth. Kelsey (apartment girl) seemed to be genuinely at ease with me, and she continued to ask little probing questions about how I was going to configure my life around work, school, and living apart from Nikki. When we were done, we headed back downstairs to the office.
“I guess that’s it, unless you have any questions?”
“No, I think we’re good.” And with that I owned an apartment.
The larger issue here, though, is how I am going to explain to people what I do for a living. Some people would be fine knowing I was an escort, some wouldn’t. Some would be judgmental fucks and immediately dismiss me, of course, as if it were just that easy.
The reality is that I don’t know what I’ll tell people. I know in college, you usually go around the room and introduce yourself to the class, telling people, among other things, what kind of work you do. I find it very easy to tell people I am/was a stripper. But telling people I am an escort would be…well, different. Largely, of course, because some parts of the work may be illegal. It is possible someone might even turn my name in to the police for investigation if they found out I was an escort. So I have to tiptoe around it. I’m not ashamed of it at all, and if it weren’t illegal, I wouldn’t have a problem telling people I fucked other people for a living. Honestly. With as many women in this country who do this for a living, it is a fucking shame that we can’t be honest about what we do.
I do like the sound of “relationship counselor,” though. 
“What does a relationship counselor do?”
“Well…” 
I could tell everyone that I am a professional slut. That’d confuse the fuck out of them, wouldn’t it? 
What about “professional companion?” I like that, but I’d have to explain what that meant as well. And someone would still make the connection.
*sigh*
Posted by Alexa | Filed Under Alexa, Work
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8 Responses to ““Where do you work?””
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Nina likes to refer to me as a professional slut. Would that work? Um, probably not.
Well… y’are.
Gosh Alexa, I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in a long time!!! I can just soooo picture this scene… lmao!
I’ll email you with suggestions hon, don’t you worry… we’ll get your slutty ass all respectabled up soon enough! Tho I like coquette myself… ;)
(unless of course… um, err, nevermind…) HA!
xoxo,
nina
(sorry… it’s the xanax babes…)
Why tell them anything? You could just say you are a student (which is true) and that you are learning to be a sex councilor or tharapist. Isn’t that your future avocation?
Most people will accept that you are a student and I am sure lots of them don’t have jobs.
Just my humble opinion.
I totally agree with Kent, lots of students (even Master’s students) don’t have jobs.
However, if they persist, how about saying you’re a
“teaching assistant”? I think that describes you pretty well…
Keep up the great posts!
You guys are both right, of course. I don’t generally need to tell people what I do, especially in class. There may be times, though, when I do have to explain, such as if I decide to take out a loan (which, granted, isn’t likely, but you see what I mean). Thank you guys both for taking the time to post.
However, if they persist, how about saying you’re a
“teaching assistant”? I think that describes you pretty well…
Haha! Thanks.
Sex therapist is best IMHO. Cuz if we ever meet, and I end up paying you, it’ll be for the ‘therapy’ part. Even if its ‘hands on’ therapy. I suspect there would be some stimulating and thought-provoking conversation to go with it. For sure.
[...] a previous post, I made a comment about explaining to someone what I did for a living. Personally, I have been [...]
I miss the coasts!
That would NEVER have happened here in SW Missouri (telling a female landlord that I’m a dancer, escort, or am anything but monogamously strictly hetero)…. but rent is cheap enough here that I just secured an in-call at the first upscale place that did NOT ask what I do for a living.
My landlord at my residence knows that I’m an escort, and is okay with this (I’ve rented from him 10 months before starting this adventure)… but luckily probably one of the few people in town who doesn’t care and wouldn’t give me any trouble (lol- go figure, he’s from SF). He recognized a uniquely patterned dress in one of the pics I no longer have up, and was a little concerned that since I wear it out frequently that I would be recognized (he was right, pic removed).
That is so cool that you were able to be honest about everything, and still get the apartment
That would NEVER have happened here in SW Missouri
You’re right about that. Of course, this is a city where there’s a ballot measure this fall to decriminalize prostitution to begin with. The whole approach to anything having to do with sex is different here in SF.
How’d you manage to end up smack in the middle of the Bible Belt?
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read and comment on the blog.