Smoothness and Eating Ass
June 13, 2008
I got my first Brazilian when I was 15. The spa that did it had a rule that they didn’t wax the pubic areas of anyone under 16 without parental permission. That was fine, because my mother had taken me there. She’d been having hers done there for a while by that point. It hurt, yes. Like a bitch. But the end result was so…incredible feeling that I haven’t looked back since. That’s been a good eight years now. Quite honestly, I just don’t even see how people shave.
There’s a scene in one of the Star Trek movies (of the Patrick Stewart flavor) where Picard’s Number One (Riker) has shaved his face and makes some kind of comment to Data about it being “…as smooth as a baby’s bottom.” Data reaches up and rubs his hand across Riker’s face as if to compare and shakes his head to indicate, “Um, no. Sorry.” 
The feeling of soft, smooth, waxed skin under your tongue is incredible, especially if you’re used to going down on someone who has been shaving. Shaving leaves bumps, there’s no way around it. Even a very close shave will leave little bumps that your tongue will feel as it glides over the soft skin you find in another’s pubic area. It only removes the hair at the skin line and above, and when you put a little bit of pressure on it, you’ll feel the ends of the hair follicles - it’ll feel a bit prickly even right after s/he’s shaved. And of course the hair starts growing back immediately, so within a day or two you have to do it all over again. If you’re one of those who also shaves the crack of your ass, you probably spend more time in the shower shaving than you do washing the rest of your hot little body.
Waxing pulls those hairs out, so there are no bumps to provide that friction that interrupts the sensation of your tongue moving across that supple (skin). You can ask anyone who’s gone down on someone who’s shaved and someone who’s waxed and they will tell you that the waxed version feels better.
Does it hurt? Yes. In some cases, fuck yes. If you take a couple of ibuprofen about 30 minutes before you go, however, it’ll go a long way towards reducing that. And some of the higher end spas even offer the option of a topical anesthetic now to help with the pain (at an extra cost, of course). I will say the more you do it, the less it stings each time. And that is all it is - just a sting. After a few minutes you won’t even remember it happened (until you go back, of course! ).
Some people say the pain isn’t worth it, and I guess if that’s how you feel, then that’s how you feel. Like anything else, you have to decide what feels right for you. And I’ve heard some people say things like “I feel like a prepubescent girl when I have all my hair gone,” or “My partner looks like a prepubescent girl without any hair.” Christ. I don’t know about you, but I don’t judge the age of my partner based on how much pubic hair he or she has.
And just a note of warning: Don’t do this at home. I know a lot of people prefer to try to do it at home to save money, or to keep from having their naughty bits spread out in front of some strange person. But folks, those lips down there are very sensitive (as anyone who’s cut themselves shaving will attest), and if you tear one of them, you will know it for quite some time. Brazilians are not that expensive - somewhere around $35 - $50 in most places, and the results last for 3-4 weeks, depending on a variety of factors.
I had originally planned for this to be a simple missive on Brazilians, just because it occurred to me that I am going to have to find a spa in SF that does good waxing. I’ve always enjoyed the sensation of actually feeling someone’s tongue sliding across my hairless cunt, and very much enjoy going down on a woman who’s similarly coiffed in the pubic area. That smooth, unimpeded movement of a wet tongue across the skin in that area makes it a much more enjoyable experience for both partners, IMNSHO. So I am going to have to find such a place in rather short order once I arrive in the city.
But you know with me it can’t end there! 
The same concept applies when you glide your tongue up someone’s asscrack. The Brazilian removes all of the hair in there and around the anus as well. If you’re into rimming or eating ass*, there’s really nothing much more disgusting than digging into those little hairs that invariably surround someone’s asshole. And everyone has ass hair. Even you, sweetpea. I wish I had a dime for every time a girl has told me, “I don’t have any hair around my asshole.” Um, yes, you do, sweety. I’ve buried my tongue in it. It may not be as dense as the guys’, but it is there. 
And of course, with guys, well, they have hair everywhere, right? Guys can get Brazilians, too, btw. I don’t think they call them that, but I know I’ve seen ads for them. And, as an aside, I wonder if that includes waxing the nutsack? Can you even do that? Just thinking of that makes me cringe in vicarious pain - I have to imagine most men would cry like little babies when someone yanks those scraggly little hairs out of that soft, supple skin.
Now, the little rosebud (or starfish, if you prefer that term) doesn’t have any hair on it itself, so burying your tongue right into the ass isn’t that bad. But if you’re like me, when you’re rimming someone, you want to run your tongue up and down the entire length of your partner’s asscrack, gently or not-so-gently biting that little curve of ass that descends into the crack itself.
And just a note for any of you who ever find your way into the crack of my ass, it gives me chill bumps when you bite me like that. If you do that, and do little pinwheel circles with your tongue right on my asshole, you’ll own me. Ummkay? 
I have a way to teach people how to eat ass, too. It has been very effective every time I’ve used it.
Buy some ice cream topping. Not syrup, but the thicker “topping” they sell next to the jams and preserves in most stores. I use chocolate because it is my favorite, but many people can’t get over the color similarity between it and, shall we say, other somewhat unpleasant substances. If that’s the case, use butterscotch, caramel, or whatnot. Just get something thick that has some staying power and won’t run down your partner’s legs as you apply it.
Spread that stuff in your partner’s asscrack. Liberally. And make sure you get some right on the rosebud, too - don’t be shy. Use your finger to dab it on his or her asshole - you’ll get a kick out of the little tightening movement it does in reaction to your touch!
And then eat it out of there. Since it is so thick, it will take some serious tongue action to get it all out. Run your tongue up and down that crack, occasionally grazing the asshole itself, but save the little bud for last. Once you get to that point, just dig in with your tongue and get it out of there. The best thing that works is circular motions (and thus, how “rimming” got its name). That tongue action will arouse your partner, even if s/he wasn’t into it to begin with, trust me on that.
If the thought of putting your tongue on that dirty little hole squicks you out, take a shower with your partner and wash it. You can soap up a finger, penetrate the asshole with it and wash the outer ring without any problem at all (be sure you rinse the soap off well). Once you do that, though, it’ll be just as clean as any other piece of real estate on your partner’s body.
And, if you just can’t bring yourself to go have those asshairs yanked out by some stranger (who sees more anuses in a given day than most proctologists, I might add. Your’s won’t stand out, trust me.), have your partner shave it for you. Set up a towel on the floor in a well-lit area, get in the FDAU (Face Down, Ass Up) position, spread your cheeks, and let your partner use a regular razor and shaving cream and make your little bottom all smooth and hair-free. And then, bust out the ice cream topping and have him/her go to work.
I promise you, if you do it like this, you’ll have a new sex technique to add to your own personal sex repertoire. Once you get over the mental issues associated with dancing your little tongue all over someone’s asshole through the use of the ice cream topping, do away with it and just eat ass the exact same way you’ve been doing it with the topping in there. The topping serves to teach you how to do the tongue work, and you don’t need it. Obviously, if you want to keep using it, then do so, but the only thing you really need it for is an instructional tool.
A lot of people just can’t get over the association of the anal area with shit, but the reality is that the area has one of the highest concentrations of nerve endings in the human body. It is very sensitive to touch, including that of a tongue. Clean it and there’s no shit there!!! Rimming and eating ass make excellent alternatives to anal penetration if you’re not ready for that, but they also make for excellent anal foreplay in preparation of having that nice, thick cock buried deep into that back entrance.
Posted by Alexa | Filed Under Alexa, Sexuality
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13 Responses to “Smoothness and Eating Ass”
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oh - my - GAWD….This is sooo not fair, chica! (No, I’m not at work - home for half day already.)
*sorry, can’t hold your hand right now. its occupied*
Well, hell, I’M AT WORK. And I, ahem, would like to own you, Alexa!!
By the way, whose ass is that?
Alexa darling,
Wonderful entry. I think you’d might also enjoy This article here…
Safe travels sweetheart… the fire burns. Talk to you soon.
~n
Nina,
I enjoyed reading the article you linked to. I am amazed that there is a study about the prevalence of natural pubic hair (or lack thereof) on sex workers. Who gets these jobs (to do the survey, I mean)?!
Alan
Who gets these jobs (to do the survey, I mean)?!
And how do you explain to other what you do? lol
Always love to read a good ass-positive post.. yay!
Always love to read a good ass-positive post.. yay!
“Ass positive?” I like that phrase.
I absolutely love cunnilingus, and can’t think of anything I enjoy more sexually than that.
Found this post to be quite intriguing and interesting, and can’t believe that it was Mom who took you for your first wax (and that she’d been getting them for awhile). Sounds like she was quite ahead of her time (Most women I know in your Mom’s age cohort aren’t either getting waxes or taking their daughters for them). And I’d love to have heard the conversation between you and your mom that preceeded the trip to the wax salon. (Perhaps you’ll tell that story another time).
Actually, Ron, my family was a quasi-naturist family (and still is, actually). By that I mean that we were naturists whenever we had the chance (our own pool, the right beaches, etc.). So I was very comfortable with my body and my mother was actually the one who suggested it when she noticed that I had started shaving it all off. It was, quite honestly, a matter-of-fact conversation. I was a bit nervous because she’d told me it was going to sting, though.
I only now saw your reply to my prior post, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t more diligent in checking back to this particular article. I think you know from another response of mine (regarding my love of cunnilingus) that I am fascinated by what women do with regard to pubic hair grooming (and wish I could get my wife to wax or shave, but that’s another story). I also find it fascinating that it’s become so mainstream, so that you and your mom both get waxes. Thanks for answering my questions. I love your blog and the interaction it provides. Have a great weekend.
Ron,
I also find it fascinating that it’s become so mainstream, so that you and your mom both get waxes.
You might find this story of interest:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26182276/
Thanks for answering my questions. I love your blog and the interaction it provides.
Thank you for your kind words.
Damn, that MSNBC article is interesting, and I do think most of the girls written about were too young.
Your experience seems quite different from those profiled in the story, and much more normal.
It still doesn’t help advise me how to get my wife to try a wax….LOL