On Agency
May 26, 2008
Ren posted an excellent piece up on her blog about the concept of agency a few weeks ago. Agency, succinctly stated, is the ability to make rational, informed, thoughtful decisions for oneself, free of coercion. You will typically hear this term bandied about when it comes to the subject of abortion and a woman’s right to choose. Women, we are told, are stripped of their agency when the government coerces us into maintaining a pregnancy that we don’t want. The root of agency is the ability to choose your path in life, regardless of what that might be. This is somewhat of an oversimplification, but you get the point.
There are some radical feminists (radfems) who believe that women, by default, are incapable of fully exercising their agency because of the “oppression of the patriarchy.” Twisty is a shining example of this. As she sees it, women, especially young women, only think they are exercising their agency when they make choices. As she puts it, “(women) are merely prevented by an oppressive social order from exercising our capability to its fullest extent.” We are really only deluded automatons who’ve been oppressed, apparently covertly, by the males (and a number of collusary females) in our society, and we just can’t fully exert our own agency. But, it seems, only when it comes to engaging in sex work.
Apparently, we’re too dense to realize that, when we elect to go into stripping, prostitution, or some other line of work that involves thinking about, writing about, or expressing our sexuality, we’re not consciously making our own rational choices about it. Not surprisingly, this only applies when the choices we make are at odds with how the radfems would choose. Apparently they, by virtue of their time on this planet, are able to see through this oppression and overcome it to the point where they feel experienced enough to lecture those of us who happen to be younger than they are about the dangers of patriarchal oppression and its deleterious effects upon our decision-making processes. They have achieved Nirvana agency, while we haven’t. How convenient.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am no kowtow to patriarchal influence. I have always exerted my independence and done what I felt was best for me. In fact, I am a militant defender of the right to choose what one wants to do; what makes the best sense for that individual based upon his or her circumstances. I have been (and will always be) a vocal, militant defender of the right of a woman to choose whether or not to be pregnant, for example.
Now, obviously, no one makes decisions in a vacuum. We are all influenced by our life experiences, from home, work, school, religion, the media, and a host of other external impacts. For some women, yes, they make choices based on how they believe the men in their lives see them or want to see them, or based on faulty experiences in their past involving males (such as sexual abuse). As Ren so eloquently points out, however, if any one thing should call into question an individual’s ability to exercise their agency, then everything should be. And, if any decision made as a result of such oppression was subject to being questioned, then any decision so made should be subject to the same critique, no?
Being sexually abused does not, in and of itself, deprive one of the ability to exercise agency, even if those so abused elect to enter sex work. Curiously, you won’t hear the radfems argue that being sexually abused negates one’s choice to enter nursing, or real estate, or even work as a fast food cashier. It only affects your ability to enter sex work. Does that sexual abuse impact how they make their decisions? Hell, yeah, it does. Does it deprive them of their agency? Fuck, no, it doesn’t.
If someone were to suggest that women could not make rational decisions about obtaining an abortion because they were too deluded by the oppression of the patriarchy, and try to use that as a basis for legislating that choice away, the radfems would go absolutely bat shit crazy with rage. “How dare you claim that women don’t know what they’re doing!” ZOMG! This choice is not “oppressed” because it squares with the same outcome the radfems believe in. Ergo, it is a fine, upstanding, exhibition of one’s agency and shouldn’t be criticized or regulated. Somehow, though, when it comes to the choice to enter sex work, we completely lose any semblance of agency and are no longer making the “correct” choice.
When I made the decision to start taking my clothes off and dancing for a living, I never gave the first consideration about how men would view me with respect to that, largely because I just didn’t care. I chose to dance because it was something that interested me – something I thought I’d be good at. I wasn’t doing it to garner attention; I wasn’t doing it to bolster my self esteem; I wasn’t doing it to get back at the men in my life; I wasn’t doing it because the male dominated society told me that I was only worthwhile as a piece of meat to be groped at by a bunch of lecherous men. I did it because A) I was very comfortable with my body, B) I didn’t mind taking my clothes off in front of other people, C) I enjoyed using the psychology of the personal sales pitch to entice people, and D) because I knew that a significant quantity of money could be made by doing it. I had read a considerable amount of material about dancing, some of it positive, some of it negative. I had talked to women who danced for a living, and I had spoken with customers (of both sexes) about their views on dancers. I went into it fully aware of both the positive and negative ramifications of being a stripper.
One thing I did not do was decide to dance because it would garner me some approving stares from the males in the audience or to appease the patriarchy in some way. I saw it as a means to an end. I wanted to pay for school without having to incur a lot of debt, pure and simple. To me, I just don’t see how that can be attributed to anything but a rational, well-thought out decision (or, as known by another name, agency). Unless, of course, you have an inherent aversion to sex work and have to find a way to explain why someone, a woman, would elect to pursue such an option. You’re beginning to see a pattern here, aren’t you?
Quite honestly, though, I can see why some old(er) women like Twisty are compelled to think this way. The sexual dynamics of our culture are changing, and it conflicts with their increasingly conservative views of female sexuality. Women are beginning to assert themselves sexually on a scale not seen before. Seriously. And I’m not just talking about electing to have sex when we want to. That’s so old school feminism. God help you if you ever get a radfems involved in a discussion about whether it is oppressive for a woman to take a facial from a guy. Or perform an upside down, head hanging off the side of the bed blow job. Or be involved in a polyamorous relationship. These acts are all the result of being oppressed by our male dominated society and thus are suspect in the eyes of the radfems.
Yes, today, young women (and young men) are subjected to the tremendous hypersexualization of our culture, and all that that entails. Is that good or bad? Only time will tell. Many argue that it involves the overt objectification of women, as if this is some sort of new claim that must be used to counter the growing sexualization of our culture. Anyone paying attention, though, sees that this affects males just as much as it does women. Half naked men are used to sell almost as much stuff these days as use half naked women. Both genders are being “objectified.” Is that good or bad? I don’t know – I don’t think it is inherently either, since it depends largely upon the context in which it is used. It can be bad or good.
As I see it, even within the context of a committed, monogamous, emotionally-attached relationship, sexual interplay is still based on the objectification of the other party(ies) involved in the exchange. You can’t make a rational argument that it isn’t. You can give it some context such that it doesn’t seem as lurid as a random, one-time fuck, but the fact remains that sexual interplay, by default, involves an objectification of someone else. The whole concept of non-procreative sex revolves around that very concept – you are using that other person as an object (i.e., objectification) to get yourself off with.
I do know that it is not going away, though. Not in the near future to be sure. As I see it, it is just one step in the continuing metamorphosis of our culture. You can sit back like Twisty and moan and groan about the oppression of women and watch nothing happen except the whining and bitching. Or, you can try to understand why it is happening and learn to adapt to it and roll with it, perhaps even use it to your advantage. If you believe all sexual interactions are, by default, an “us vs. them” proposition, then you’re in for a long ride. I prefer to operate under the philosophy that sexual interplay is just one more level of interaction that we as human beings seek out with others. It is how you choose to perceive it that will determine whether that is a positive or negative for you. Regardless, you don’t get to decide for me how I am going to view it, and you don’t get to critique the choices I make based on how I view sexuality within my own existence. If you truly view human sexuality as an “us vs. them” proposition, I’d submit that you are the one who is oppressed. Or is it repressed? Either way, you lose, not me. I am content with where I am. Does this mean I lose my feminist cred? I don’t think so. Perhaps it does make me a new breed of feminist, though.
I say all of this to make a point. I have chosen, freely, to enter the world of sex work. For the past few years, I’ve been taking my clothes off, giving lap dances, and separating customers from large quantities of money. It’s paid for two brand new cars, a luxury apartment, a nice house, and three years at a private university. Very, very few women my age come anywhere close to that. If that is the result of patriarchal oppression, I’m not sure I want to complain about it.
The same is true for the new line of work I’ve elected to pursue. In many ways, it will be very similar to what I’ve been doing. Obviously, with dancing, there was no penetration of my body, but the idea is similar – the selling of sexual services: Fantasy with dancing, orgasm with escort work. Is there that much of a difference? To some, yes. To others, not so much.
I have stated from the outset that I don’t know if I will be able to do this. And I have promised to be honest about it here. I will admit that I am attracted to the potential glamour of the work – the money; the traveling; the meeting of new people; the exploration of human sexuality that it will involve. I am also very cognizant of the potential negatives associated with the work – the stigma, the potential for diseases, the potential for being harmed, etc. Has the hypersexualization of our culture goaded me into making this choice? Quite honestly, I don’t know. And, also quite honestly, I don’t give a shit. But I have made the choice – it wasn’t foistered upon me through some coercive patriarchal oppression scheme.
I am also fully aware of the fact that people will be using me to get themselves off in many cases. And yes, I understand this is objectifying me. Like many others who’ve come before me, however, I see this no different than being objectified because I can hit a ball 430 feet, or can perform complex calculus functions in my head on the fly, or can flip a hamburger patty frying on a grill on a predetermined time pattern. Everyone who works is objectified on one level or another. Period. The singular difference that matters to the radfems, though, is that my work involves sex. All of the other “objectifications” are fine with them, just not that which involves sex. I think you can see the disparity there.
It is work. And the mere fact that you personally might find it egregious that I would elect to enter that line of work does not make my choice to do so freely any less valid than anyone else’s choice to do what they do. Whether you like it or not, you simply have no choice but to respect my decision because it was made the same, exact way you made the choice to do what you do to earn a living. If you don’t respect my decision, then you must, by default, not respect the decision you made to enter the line of work you’re in. You can’t have it both ways.
Posted by Alexa | Filed Under Miscellaneous
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5 Responses to “On Agency”
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Dearest Alexa,
What a wonderful insight into your thought process surrounding these decisions.
You have made several lucid arguments for how you’ve reached these conclusions and they should be regarded by anyone who may read them with the utmost respect and dignity.
The only real thought I have to offer concerns the idea of a hypersexualized society, where in some ways it seems as tho youth has lost something in translation — and that sexuality and sex itself as seen as a means to an end rather than as a gateway to something larger than themselves. Perhaps it has always been this way for some, but it feels as tho society as a whole has lowered the bar in some ways. There is a sacred aspect to sex which I think has been lost in some ways.
With regard to the Radfem agenda — I was never one to believe that there was a ‘one size fits all’ approach to anything with regard to women, and while I can appreciate some aspects of what it means to be a feminist, I don’t find it so easy to subscribe to that sort of dogmatic thinking which tells me that I can’t be sexual and enjoy sex and everything about it just because some other woman thinks I shouldn’t. That just doesn’t work.
There will always be those who will never accept a person who sells their sexuality — but as I’ve been wont to say from time to time, we all prostitute ourselves in this world in one way or another.
I for one support your decision to live your life by your own rules and to make your own choices.
nina
[...] On Agency | The ‘Real’ Princess Diaries “One thing I did not do was decide to dance because it would garner me some approving stares from the males in the audience or to appease the patriarchy in some way.” (tags: agency women feminism sexwork stripping) [...]
Dearest Alexa,
I had reason to come back to this today.
I also found something I think you might enjoy when you have a little more time.
This article here
xoxo,
nina
Thanks, Nina. I’ll def. check that out. <3
[...] the topic of agency, Alexa of The Real Princess Diaries discusses the disempowering and dehumanizing language used by some feminists when they speak about sex workers. In particular, she deftly calls bullshit on the much-ballyhooed talking point - so often used as a [...]